AIBU to resent tidying an adult son's very messy bedroom?

[Baconrollplease]

I work for a family four mornings a week doing the cleaning, laundry, ironing and general household jobs. It’s worked really well around childcare, and overall they’re lovely to work for.
The house is quite large though, and I often struggle to get everything done in the time I’m there.

Their son has just graduated from university and has gone away on holiday with a friend. His mum has asked me to tidy his bedroom while he’s away so like hoover, dust, put things away etc.
The problem is that his room is an absolute bomb site. There are clothes all over the floor, rubbish everywhere, and it’s generally a huge mess rather than just needing a quick clean. I’ve tidied it before, but within a few days it was back to exactly the same state.

I’m finding myself reluctant to do it because it feels less like cleaning and more like clearing up after an adult who is perfectly capable of doing it himself. It also takes a lot of time that I could be spending on the rest of the house.

AIBU for not really wanting to do it, or is this just part of the job and I should get on with it?

I don’t have time unless I prioritise his room and leave a lot of the other jobs undone. This will need some communication on my part.

You’re the expert so if you’re asked to perform a task you’re the person who can advise the home owner on whether it’s possible within the time. I wouldn’t ask my cleaner to perform an additional task and expect her to absorb it within the time without a knock of affect.

As for the state of the room, if they want to pay you to tidy as well as clean then that’s clearly going to add onto the time and therefore the costs. I wouldn’t start complaining about the whole adult manchild aspect since 1) they won’t want to hear it. 2) tidying after their slobby son is paying your bills.

Its sounds gross; very young men still at home do tend to have low standards but he sounds especially grim.

If you could find something disgusting in there - rotting food, skidded underpants, a wank sock or whatever - you could highlight it to his mum and use it as a reason (health and safety!) why you either don't want to do clean that room, or why you need better pay to do so.

I feel your pain but in my case it's my own adult son who I have to pick up after.

He has a go at me for getting in his space but he doesn't do it and I'm not prepared to have a mess like that in my house.

In a way Bacon I would say so long as you are being paid does it matter if you are tidying his mess or anything else in the house.

You might have to renegotiate the house tho.

Good luck x

I’d heard on mn of people who wouldn’t tidy or pick up and I always thought ‘no, that can’t be true, why would they become a cleaner then?’ as surely the only time a lot of people hire a cleaner is when they feel everything has gotten too much for them!!!

Maybe he is lazy but maybe he works and studies or helps someone else out/ has a disability etc etc. Even if he doesn’t you saying anything is just going to make the mum feel like a bad parent.

I have a pampered one at home as you describe and often wonder how my cleaner feels. Now I know.. I usually bark ds in to action before she comes but it’s still really bad. I’m going to shame him in front of his girlfriend I’ve had enough.

Because cleaning and tidying up are two different things, there’s nothing wrong with either of them but cleaning does actually requires some skill to be done effectively. I think communication is key. I wouldn’t want to make anyone feel
like a bad parent, being a mum is hard enough without that rubbish.

Uanbu. It's OK to refuse to tidy if your job is to clean. And to decline to work extra hours and stick to your normal tasks.

This is a bit like the boss asking you to take on the work of a colleague who is always off sick. So you do your own work first and as much of her work as you can reasonably fit in. If your boss complains you point out that you cant do it all within the time you are paid for so which tasks would they like you to prioritise.

If it was me and I have been a housekeeper, nanny, cleaner, aupair etc ...I state how much I can do ...sometimes it works, sometimes they want you to be a miracle worker, especially in these hotels where you got to do 15 rooms for 4 h with multiple beds and so on

Yeah this is all on you. You don’t HAVE to do it you choose to. And are teaching him only that if he can’t be bothered to do something some nice woman will come along and do it

So what's the answer then he says he will tidy it but doesn't so it literally looks like a skip.
I can't put up with that.

He says close the door and then I can't see it.

What should I do then ? If he is not getting round to doing it - just leave it ?

X

@dadtoateenno it’s not the job. A cleaner is there to clean, not pick up a lazy persons dirty clothes. The OP shouldn’t be paid to tidy.
I always spent about an hour tidying before my cleaner came - I want her cleaning the kitchen/bathrooms/floors, not picking up muck and sticking the dishes in the dishwasher!

OP do as everyone suggests. Tell her it’s not really what you do (just as some cleaners don’t do windows) but if she wants you to (and you are ok with it) tell her it will take X amount of time longer.

Maybe reply ' hey, I have been having a think about the request to clean Norbert's room, and I don't think I'm going to be able to help you with it unfortunately. Whilst I do naturally expect having occasional light tidying on top of cleaning, I do not take on hoarders or extreme situations. Really do enjoy working with you though and hope this doesn't make anything awkward.

Maybe tell them you'll clean it if they tidy it

Op just have a polite conversation with your employer saying that you will be delighted to clean the son’s room if he could kindly pick up his clothes off the floor and tidy up a bit first because it took you so long to do this last time that you didn’t get other essential things in the house done and you are on quite a tight schedule already.

Asking your daily to pick up your son's underwear from the floor is low class behaviour and unreasonable.

Very crass to ask this of you.

OP, yanbu, you can just not get to it or say you'd rather not.

I’d do it last and say I only had 5/10/0 minutes left for <loserface’s> bedroom, and that doesn’t touch the surface I’m afraid / ill need extra time to do it, I think 40 minutes if I’m first to pick everything up and then clean it.
maybe if they have to pay specifically for it they’ll realise how pathetic it is for an adult man.

You have brought emotions and judgement into a job. You are not this man’s parent.

all you need to say is it’s a time consuming job because if the level of mess. you can skip the room, something else wont get done or they can pay for extra time.

leave the judgement at the door - your not their moral compass.

This. Of course you shouldn't be expected to actually tidy an adult's bedroom.

My DM did a bit of cleaning for a while and the house owner asked her teen daughter to tidy her bedroom before Mum got there. The daughter didn't so her mother chucked her stuff out of the upstairs window as she had threatened to do. She certainly didn't expect Mum to do the tidying.

I'd tell the mum you can clean it, if she's like to tidy it first, or that you have to add an extra cleaning session on , at cost, to account for the extra work.

It's simple don't clean it? 😂 He can live in a pig sty if he wants his a grown man not a child

Could you say something like “Happy to clean it if you can get Norbert to tidy up his stuff before I do it. Otherwise it takes too long and means I will have to skip on cleaning the kitchen this week.”
Or can you just chuck his belongings into a bin bag and clean round it as best you can.

Then that's what you say
They'll either sort it out to a state where you can clean or they'll find someone else who will do it.

You're doing the laundry too? Maybe just go through making fast decisions about what goes back in his wardrobe and what goes in his laundry basket - perhaps if you don't always get that right it'll make him realise that he'll get the things he wants washed if he uses the basket himself. He has one, right? (If not, maybe suggest it to the parents). Weird though - with you regularly doing the laundry, how full can it be getting? Isn't it as easy to drop things in there as it is to drop them on the floor?

They're raising an entitled arse, but I don't think that's something you can fix.

I would make it clear that you will clean but picking up someone else’s underwear is not part of your job. Put everything on the bed for someone else to sort and then clean.