AIBU to resent tidying an adult son's very messy bedroom?

[Baconrollplease]

I work for a family four mornings a week doing the cleaning, laundry, ironing and general household jobs. It’s worked really well around childcare, and overall they’re lovely to work for.
The house is quite large though, and I often struggle to get everything done in the time I’m there.

Their son has just graduated from university and has gone away on holiday with a friend. His mum has asked me to tidy his bedroom while he’s away so like hoover, dust, put things away etc.
The problem is that his room is an absolute bomb site. There are clothes all over the floor, rubbish everywhere, and it’s generally a huge mess rather than just needing a quick clean. I’ve tidied it before, but within a few days it was back to exactly the same state.

I’m finding myself reluctant to do it because it feels less like cleaning and more like clearing up after an adult who is perfectly capable of doing it himself. It also takes a lot of time that I could be spending on the rest of the house.

AIBU for not really wanting to do it, or is this just part of the job and I should get on with it?

Yes but you have to remember I have two hours to tidy and clean a home with four bathrooms and five bedrooms. If I had all day, it wouldn’t be
such a problem which is why I need to have a chat about expectations and time constraints moving forward.

Do you leave your dirty clothes on the floor for your cleaner to pick up? Surely not. Even my three year old ds knows where the laundry basket is and how to use it.

But that’s simply not possible. No one can expect you to tidy and clean a house of that size in two hours. I assume that as you work daily, you distribute it throughout the week?

You said you do four mornings a week?

No, because they go straight from my body into the laundry basket, but any cleaner we’ve ever had knows we won’t be generally tidying before his/her arrival, and has agreed to this, and that tidying is part of the remit (plus the extra time this will take, obviously). Just as some cleaners do ironing and some don’t.

Four days a week, two hours each day if that makes sense. Every day there is washing, dishes, hoovering etc so I have to be quite careful with my time.

There’s different levels of tidying though. Picking up afew toys and bags before you do the floor, or putting away some dishes/ other items before doing the kitchen is different to having to go round a room with a black bag for dirty clothes.

I have a big house and have had live-in nannies before. The rule was always our lovely housekeeper wouldn't do their floor (more for privacy / boundaries) and if the nanny wanted to have a handshake with the housekeeper to do their room too they could.

Anyway one nanny was just the most squalid dirty person ever (lovely person and wonderful with the kids though) and so I did with her agreement ask the housekeeper to do it.

The housekeeper after did say to be she wouldn't be doing it again as it was revolting clearing up after a dirty adult. Fair enough I said!

To be fair she actually did end up doing it a few more times but each time I paid her an extra bonus in recognition of it being a pretty bad job, like I'd pay her extra to do the oven or other harder bits.

Long way of saying just have the discussion gently with your employer, don't let it fester, and say you feel like it's a bigger job than the rest of it and you feel awkward picking up after an adult man. She'll probably be fine with it unless she's a witch. Just don't make it sound like you're criticizing her parenting I guess.

I do ironing too. Love my ironing!

I think just be honest and say his room need an hour so what do you want me to prioritise as some things will get left until next time. She may realise that she doesn’t want you to leave anything so may offer to pay you extra or ask you to leave his room.

But you have turned this into a moral judgement, a parenting issue rather than a work issue.

All you need to say is for me to fulfill my duties and clean that bedroom I need it to be tidied before I arrive.

If lifting dirty clothes is a red line for you, tell your employer. Clarify what is and what isn’t in your job description and take it from there.

I take it from your posts that you do have an issue with this individual and his behavior- but that is none of your business. You are paid to fulfill a role. At the minute you and your employer have a different interpretation of the role, clarify it.

@Bellyblueboy A housekeeper tidies and cleans. She’s there 4 mornings a week and does laundry so it’s not just a cleaning job. In that basis it’s not unreasonable and I know housekeepers who do this. They see themselves as more than cleaners. There’s no real skill to any of it is there?

I do agree and if I am honest I think OP is being g a bit unreasonable and focusing on her distaste for this man’s behaviour. If she was his mother she could respond differently but she is paid to clean the house and seemingly do other housekeeping duties

if she is now uncomfortable with a task she is being g asked to undertake she should talk it through with her employer - but her reason can’t be she thinks an adult should clean up after himself. She isn’t there to teach adults life lessons.

Outside of this, it sounds like she is happy in the role and it isn’t just a matter weekly cleaning job so she should consider of this is a hill she is willing to die on

I would think it's up to the person paying to decide what jobs are to be done, I don't think its correct to say everyone should tidy before the cleaners arrive because it may be the tidying task is the reason they hire the cleaners in the first place. If you need extra time make it clear, they aren't blind surely they can see the mess and that obviously complicates the task.

In principle of course the man should be ashamed of himself but his parents are happy to pay for someone to clean up after him so there is nothing that you say or do going to change that. You might as well make some money out of it cos they will get someone else

Take a photo of the room and ask her what she wants you to do in the time you have.

Sorry but you are coming across as a little bit snobby. There is skill involved in cleaning efficiently and effectively. There is also skill involved in keeping a household ticking over. Ask any stay at home parent!

Should an adult tidy after themselves? Of course.

But the problem here is that you’ve been asked to do more work without any more pay. If you charge by the hour and they want to pay you an extra hour to do this, you can agree or not. They shouldn’t be asking you to do more work (whatever the work) for free.

its very simple, i’m happy to tidy up after adults but only to an extent. Basically don’t take the piss. Picking up dirty clothes because someone can’t be bothered to put them in the basket is where I draw the line! Just like I wouldn’t clean the floor if someone emptied a bin out over it. Just no. It doesn’t mean I don’t like my job or do it well. No moral judgement intended. Other people can live as they wish.

There is a limit though. Would you expect a cleaner to clear up soiled underwear or sanitary protection? All these people acting like cleaners are low skilled skivvies who should be grateful they are employed should be ashamed of themselves.

Well then have that conversation with your employer. You are not willing to pick up clothes from the floor. You only deal with accidental spills not deliberate ones. Explain you have a moral clause in your ‘contract’.

see what you can negotiate. But again, don’t bring value judgements into it - you aren’t there to make assessments of anyone’s behaviour - you are simply telling them you have a red line on duties you won’t undertake.

You (I assume) will wash and iron clothes but you won’t deal with dirty clothes that are on the floor. You will wash dishes but only if they are left beside the sink. You won’t lift rubbish if you think someone else has deliberately ignored it (be careful who you word this).

Tell him it's your house and if he wants to live there, he needs to keep his room tidy. Although I do get it, my own son having just graduated.
but we have to teach them not to be the useless men we read about on here! It won't be fair on their wives/girlfriends in the future x

I agree with you. This is disrespectful of him/your employer, and smacks of privilege and entitlement.

This 👏

I have a housekeeper. When my adult son lived at home, towards the end he was leaving his room similar to how you’re describing. There wasn’t an issue from the housekeeper’s POV as she’s paid very well and it was extra hours, but from mine it was utterly entitled and unacceptable behaviour. I warned him once, and then the next time he left it like that and went out (was staying out so no chance of being back to sort it before she came), I got a big box and an old suitcase and piled EVERYTHING that wasn’t put away into them, on top of each other - so rubbish mixed with dirty clothes and clean clothes - then put them in the garage.

He was horrified, and my point was made. I refused to let him back in the house until he sorted through it all in the garage and it never happened again.

Your employer needs to deal with him. I wouldn’t tidy up after him if I was you, even if I was being paid, but it does sort of depend whether you’re a cleaner (acceptable to refuse to do anything but clean) or a housekeeper (generally expected to do everything as long as compensated for the time).

My friends said this to me. No. I don’t want a filthy room in my house. Door shut or not.