AIBU to resent tidying an adult son's very messy bedroom?

[Baconrollplease]

I work for a family four mornings a week doing the cleaning, laundry, ironing and general household jobs. It’s worked really well around childcare, and overall they’re lovely to work for.
The house is quite large though, and I often struggle to get everything done in the time I’m there.

Their son has just graduated from university and has gone away on holiday with a friend. His mum has asked me to tidy his bedroom while he’s away so like hoover, dust, put things away etc.
The problem is that his room is an absolute bomb site. There are clothes all over the floor, rubbish everywhere, and it’s generally a huge mess rather than just needing a quick clean. I’ve tidied it before, but within a few days it was back to exactly the same state.

I’m finding myself reluctant to do it because it feels less like cleaning and more like clearing up after an adult who is perfectly capable of doing it himself. It also takes a lot of time that I could be spending on the rest of the house.

AIBU for not really wanting to do it, or is this just part of the job and I should get on with it?

Well aren't you just lovely!

But you are clearly employed as a housekeeper rather than a cleaner.
I very much advertised for a home help/housekeeper precisely because it was the tidying I struggled with more than the cleaning (due to my disability).

If they wanted someone to just clean i expect they would employ someone for far fewer hours a week

You either tell your employer that you can’t do it or put everything into a heap/box/on the bed and then clean everywhere else.

I’d take a few bin bags into the room and put everything into them. Then clean. Put the bags on the bed afterwards. I don’t entirely see how you can sort his belongings. However I’d chat to your employer first about how to approach this. It’s obviously going to take some time and your employer must be appraised of this because it will impinge on other duties. If she wants everything put away, I’d ask her where everything goes! I’d maybe assume all the clothes are washing but - some might be dry cleaning. I’m surprised your employer has not made DS clear up though.

We have a cleaner and I make sure my kids have tidied their rooms before she comes. My daughter’s room gets messy really quickly with all her craft, dolls etc but she is expected to tidy everything away so the cleaner can actually clean the floor. IMO it isn’t the cleaners job to tidy as well as clean. It’s for us to tidy so she can clean. I would say no. How are you supposed to know where all his stuff goes anyway? Say you’re employed to clean. What if you put something away and they say you broke it?

This is a weird distinction, though, if your other household jobs involve stuff that the other adults who live in the house could do for themselves but don’t, because they’ve hired you to do them instead. I mean, you already presumably put the dirty underwear of other adults in the household into a washing machine from a laundry basket. They could do it themselves, but don’t.

It often isn't a cleaners job to tidy before they clean. Because many people can only afford to /want to pay for someone to clean

But op is employed for much broader duties. And many people, like me, pay for a cleaner/housekeeper/home help to help with tidying as much as cleaning.

@Baconrollplease You will have to speak to your employer if this is a deal breaker. If you like the job why cut your nose off to spite your face!?

But you’re being paid to do it? This is like my gardener getting upset that I haven’t done the weeding or trimmed the bushes since he last came so now he has to do it.

Yes. I’ve had cleaners in three countries down the years for the guts of 25 years, and I don’t operate that ‘clean but not tidy’ distinction. I don’t tidy before a cleaner comes, ever, and I’m upfront about this when hiring, the same as I would be about any other aspect of the work, like not cleaning my study unless I ask specifically, and that DS’s room is his own problem. If you have a wide remit for what tasks you do, OP, you’ll need to communicate either your employer if this is a dealbreaker.

Assuming the adult son is just spoiled , lazy or he thinks cleaning his room is beneath him somehow ?
I would let the parents know you can do it , but you’ll need more time therefore will need to charge more .
I don’t have a cleaner , my house is also quite large and my daughters room was awful .
i get it done as much as I'm able to when she’s away but I won’t tolerate rubbish or food left up there .
Hers is mostly dust , too many things and packaging, take me ages

Our cleaner only goes into our son’s room if the floor is clear. If there are clothes and gym bags all over the floor, she doesn’t bother.

No absolutely don't do it. Your not his slave. The room should be reasonably tidy to begin with.
People shouldn't be such slobs. How's she allowed him to get this bad. She can clean her own son's bedroom and tidy up.

Your job as a cleaner is to clean, not tidy up mess. I think you need to tell them that you can't clean the room thoroughly if there's stuff all over the floor/surfaces and that you'll do what you can but if they want it Hoovered and dusted he needs to clear the floor and surfaces for you.

When I was in halls of residence we had cleaners who went in once a fortnight to Hoover and dust/wipe and if our rooms were too untidy they didn't get done. This is the same principle.

Take a photo of the room when you enter it. Make the bed, gather up everything from the floor onto the bed so you can hoover it, everything off surfaces onto the bed so you can wipe them.

Leave it there, do what you can around the rest of the house. Text employer with photo of room to let them know that you didn't get round to doing XYZ today due to the extra work required, and would they like to hire you for an extra hour to do the Son's room on a regular basis, or are they happy for you to drop the ironing etc while he's around.

I'm surprised by most of the replies. My (much appreciated) cleaner tidies and does laundry as well as cleans and it never occurred to me that she'd rather spend more of her time mopping or sanitising than putting toys back in boxes. What difference does it make? It's been over 10y including through lockdown and she's never mentioned it.

If you don't like the job op, you can quit and find another client, or say you'll need more pay for the work, but I think many of these suggestions, of nagging the client that her son "ought" to do it himself, are not ok. That seems like a huge overstep to me, for a cleaner to nag a client for being untidy.

Aren’t you already cleaning the rest of the house for adults who are capable of clearing up after themselves though?

Yes, it seems like a weird distinction to me. Our cleaner by definition does things we could do ourselves but don’t. If the issue is that the young adult son isn’t paying the OP, then DH is the one who pays our cleaner. Should that mean, she only cleans bits of the house that he uses?

This. Does it matter whether you're stacking a dishwasher in the kitchen, cleaning a window in the study, or tidying a bedroom? There's no point on attaching a moral value to the bedroom, it's a matter of time and whether you have enough of it contracted to do the work you're being asked to do, that's all.

I agree that tidying and cleaning are different things.

I enjoy cleaning but hate tidying.
It’s why I always cleaned offices etc and not houses.

But I voted YABU as you’ve been asked to do it and you need to speak to them about the time it takes you.
You could gently suggest that he shoves everything in to a laundry basket and bin bag before you come, so that you can go straight in and hoover etc giving you time to do the rest of the house too.

Wow. Thats s nuclear approach. Really shaming. Why use words like “filthy” and be so confrontational?

Do you refuse to clean toilets or anything else that's particularly dirty?

I understand you object to your employer allowing her adult son to be a slob. However you are not his parent and it's not for you to judge.

I make sure my house is tidy before my cleaner comes because time spent tidying is not time spent cleaning. However you're not just a cleaner, you seem to be more of a housekeeper which encompasses keeping the whole house running.

Also OBVIOUSLY do not take a picture of your employer's house! Good god how intrusive and inappropriate. I would never trust my cleaner/housekeeper again in the private space that is the home.

If I were you I wouldn't really differentiate between this and the other tasks you have listed (although I'd obviously want to be paid for all the hours I worked).

However, you are perfectly within your rights to say your don't want to perform X or Y task and then the family you work for can either keep you on or decide to employ someone else.

@BauhausOfEliott She’s not just a cleaner! She does laundry and other tasks. This is a new task. My former cleaner tidied up after a messy boy teen in one house she went to regularly. This means less time on other things. It’s something you chat with your employer about. My ex cleaner found all sorts of items in that room!