Neighbours angry at DS for snapping back and daughter’s homophobia - hypocrisy??

[TheNoisyDeer]

DS, 13, came out in Year 6 at the age of 10 and he has struggled with making friends ever since. His boy friends always used to make him the butt of the joke so he stopped being friends with them. He has a couple of female friends now but he still feels like he can’t be himself around them because they give him the side eye when they talk about boys and he talks about boys too. Due to this he feels on the defence when his sexuality is spoken about.

I invited our neighbours over earlier this evening for chat and drinks in the sunshine and the younger girl, 8, overheard her sister (the older daughter), 11, talking to DS about their crushes. She laughed at him, made a few comments about it being weird and called him a “gay boy”. I don’t know whether she’d picked it up from school or somewhere, but DS was clearly upset. He snapped and called her “a stupid bitch” and to “f off”.

There was immediate anger from her parents because she’s only 8 and they said there was no excuse for speaking to a young girl like that and demanded I tell him off. The older daughter also took her side and shouted at him to not talk to her sister like that. He looked startled, humiliated and ran inside.

I went inside and spoke to him about the language he used and said it wasn’t acceptable, especially to a girl that young, but I also told him I understood why he was hurt and that nobody should mock someone’s sexuality. DS said he didn’t care how old she was because she’d been horrible to him first and then refused to go back outside and apologise. I explained this to my neighbours and the mum said she wanted to leave and won’t put up with her daughters being spoken to in that manner and they left.

Ideally I would have expected the children to apologise to each other, preferably her first as she started it and then moved on but I was shocked by their reaction to just leave. We’ve been good friends for years and now I feel hurt by their lack of accountability for the homophobia and hypocrisy. I wouldn’t like the friendship to end but I won’t be bowing down to them.

AIBU for thinking both children were in the wrong but both the daughter and parents are more so?

Nope. One type of shitty behaviour doesn't cancel the other.

I'm sorry but the world is a tough place and if you get lasting damage from something a small child said I suggest you need to work on your resilience.

Erm he was talking about who he fancied? And "came out" as gay at the age when most kids have zero interest in anything sexual?

Children are developing crushes at 10. That’s common.

Ah and there we go

Blatant now

Loads of kids talk about who they fancy, it's not sexual
And you're now basically saying being gay is all about sex...

You're not even hiding your homophobia any more

How is he thinking about sex?! He's literally just said who he fancies!
I fancied boys at the age of 13. I don't think sex even entered my thinking, it was entirely innocent.
Oh, and since when is a 13 year old a near adult?!

He's a lot closer to adulthood than the 8 year old is.

So? Not sure what point's supposed to make?
(Seeing as the 8 year old wasn't part of their conversation?)

And yet he's NOT an adult in any way, shape or form

Being gay is a sexual orientation, last time I looked.

Its not an ideology or choice or fashion or religion.

I have a 13 year old. In a whole class of 13 year olds (his mates) only one has a "girlfiend" and its big news. None of them is discussing who they fancy.

That's a twist worthy of a Victorian contortionist.

I think you are either a troll or simply bored. No one is this contrary.

To the extent it takes over their life? I think its not very common.

You can keep trying to shut me down with your attempts to make me seem unreasonable

But you are being blatantly homophobic and it's obvious

How is it taking over their whole life? Other than homophobes who've decided being gay means it's your whole personality and that once you say you're gay you can never change your mind???

(And by change your mind I mean realise you identify more with something else)

Well you are being accusatory, offensive and rude. And you struggle with comprehension. Its obvious.

He's friends with all his entire year?

And you don't know what they talk about when you're not there

Are you like this in real life? Someone says something you dont like or dont agree with and you immediately accuse them of homophobia? Must be very tiring.

Kind of know as I read his messages. Yes, I'm that kind of mum.

You're the one who's banging on about sex, though.
The pp has a point.

Only when what they say is homophobic

Do you also sit in his lessons? Listen in when he talks to his friends whilst playing? Go to all his clubs?

Seeing as so many posters seem to be treating the 8 year old like a grown homophobic adult.