Neighbours angry at DS for snapping back and daughter’s homophobia - hypocrisy??

[TheNoisyDeer]

DS, 13, came out in Year 6 at the age of 10 and he has struggled with making friends ever since. His boy friends always used to make him the butt of the joke so he stopped being friends with them. He has a couple of female friends now but he still feels like he can’t be himself around them because they give him the side eye when they talk about boys and he talks about boys too. Due to this he feels on the defence when his sexuality is spoken about.

I invited our neighbours over earlier this evening for chat and drinks in the sunshine and the younger girl, 8, overheard her sister (the older daughter), 11, talking to DS about their crushes. She laughed at him, made a few comments about it being weird and called him a “gay boy”. I don’t know whether she’d picked it up from school or somewhere, but DS was clearly upset. He snapped and called her “a stupid bitch” and to “f off”.

There was immediate anger from her parents because she’s only 8 and they said there was no excuse for speaking to a young girl like that and demanded I tell him off. The older daughter also took her side and shouted at him to not talk to her sister like that. He looked startled, humiliated and ran inside.

I went inside and spoke to him about the language he used and said it wasn’t acceptable, especially to a girl that young, but I also told him I understood why he was hurt and that nobody should mock someone’s sexuality. DS said he didn’t care how old she was because she’d been horrible to him first and then refused to go back outside and apologise. I explained this to my neighbours and the mum said she wanted to leave and won’t put up with her daughters being spoken to in that manner and they left.

Ideally I would have expected the children to apologise to each other, preferably her first as she started it and then moved on but I was shocked by their reaction to just leave. We’ve been good friends for years and now I feel hurt by their lack of accountability for the homophobia and hypocrisy. I wouldn’t like the friendship to end but I won’t be bowing down to them.

AIBU for thinking both children were in the wrong but both the daughter and parents are more so?

We are year 5 so maybe after the summer holidays 🫣

Though I don’t remember it with my older two either but I always had a younger child with me then to be watched to make sure they didn’t make a run for it.

Brace yourself!

You just called people brainwashed for believing their child can know at a young age what their sexuality is even though actual non hetero people are telling you that's reasonable

Your homophobia is obvious

Literally
No-one questions 10 year olds fancying the opposite sex but the moment it's gay then it's brainwashing, trying to be modern, their whole personality, too young to know...
The homophobia in this thread is rampant

Why is it always "making it your whole personality"?

Why can gay people not just be gay? Why does it have to be their "whole personality" just because they said they like the same sex?

It absolutely doesn't have to be, and for most it isn't, but for some it does seem to be. No harm in that, I guess. We all have things that we feel define us.

Anyway, stepping away from the conversation now, as I'm clearly not articulating myself well. I'm trying to express my thoughts in a balanced way but it doesn't seem to be landing as intended.

I'll just add that I marched against S28 and volunteered with an HIV/Aids charity in the 80s, and have consistently argued against homophobia and discrimination throughout my life, so I feel the accusations of homophobia being made here are unfounded.

What do you mean by making it their whole personality and what proof do you have that some gay people make it so whilst straight people don’t?

But if a ten year old said they fancy X boy and you'd really tell them they're too young to know their sexuality? I don't believe it tbh. I'm not saying a ten year old would announce they're heterosexual mostly because they wouldn't probably even know that word and also everyone's already expecting them to be heterosexual.

It's also commonly even suggested to children or joked about them having a girlfriend to boys or assuming they'll marry a man when they're older. I don't think any little girl saying she wanted to marry a prince one day is commonly told she's too young to know her sexuality. But of course it's over sexualised as soon as it's a mention of them maybe wanting to marry a woman..

Oh my god, the homophobia in this thread is appalling. Of course he shouldn’t have sworn at her but she was using homophobic language and deserves a massive telling off, it’s perfectly fine for secondary school age kids to discuss crushes with each other, plenty of primary school kids also do. Good for him for having the courage to come out.

You're the one who started talking about it being their whole personality

You're essentially saying "I worked with gay people, I can't be homophobic"

Exactly this
"I'm going to marry a prince and be a princess" - "that's nice darling"
"I'm going to marry a princess and we can both be princesses" - "don't be silly. You're too young to make those decisions"

It's like how it's fine for Disney to have 100s of hetero relationships but Lightyear and Strange World include 1 homosexual relationship each and "kids are too young for this"

The point is that ten-year-olds have not yet passed through puberty and do not yet know what their sexual orientation is.

No ten-year-old 'fancies' anybody in the same way a post-pubescent 16-year-old teenager or adult does.
To suggest they do is absurd in the extreme. Absurd.

There is nothing at all wrong with being gay. Nothing at all. It is, however, not something that the majority of people are.
And children can be awful to children who are different.
I don't care what people think 'ought' to happen, I'm dealing in what actually happens.

To attach the label gay (or straight) to a child of ten is utterly wrong and sets them up for bullying from other children who will pick on any difference.

Reading some of the replies here make me think all common sense has gone through the window.

Anyone who excuses bullying people who are different as "that's just life" and expects people to hide their differences in fear of said bullying is showing their prejudice

Accusations of homophobia are not only unfounded, they're ridiculous.

A 10-year-old child has not yet reached the age where they can make absolute statements about their sexual orientation. This is just common sense.

I'm going to leave this thread, too.
Not without saying that this is the most eye-openingly ridiculous thread I've seen here.

The vilification of an 8-year-child is f*ing shocking, too.

Why the hell are so many people suggesting that once you make a declaration on your sexuality, you cannot ever change it?
Plenty of people think they're straight and come out much later, some people will come out as gay/lesbian but later realise they align more to bi or pan

Where has anyone in this scenario "made an absolute statement about their sexual orientation" though?!
He's literally just said who he fancied and in the context of the conversation.

You are deliberately twisting and ignoring what I tried to say in my original post. TBH your debating style is suffocating.

Didn't you know that once you announce a sexuality you're never allowed to change it? And if you get called something you're not, it doesn't matter its now your sexuality and ruins your life?

At least according to MNers

Going to have to send a few texts to a few school mums that they need to get back with their ex husbands 🙃🤣

Being gay/ being bullied for being gay in not a "get out of prison" card. You adhere to the rules, as everyone else does.

Also - there is a huge difference in terms of intelligence, understanding and ability between an 8 year old and a 13 year old. If the boy is thinking about sex already I would imagine he hit puberty some time ago - so basically an almost fully grown male having a go at a small child. Charming.

I'm not at all.

You're suggesting words are fine on their own. I'm just pointing out they aren't and cause their own damage

Nothing suggests he was thinking about sex other than MNers desperate to justify their homophobia and hatred of men

And now this 13 year old is now a fully grown man 🤣