Why is life so unfair

[MyFastZebra]

Does anyone think about this? I just think sometimes that I never had a chance.

I was born into a bad family. My father was cruel when I knew him, then he abandoned us and refused to pay maintenance. So I grew up in poverty. My mother brought us up but was abusive to me. My mother's parents were dead. My fathers parents had nothing to do with ne. My aunts and uncles were all horrible to me.

I had not one person. I remember crying and crying as a child. I'm quite spiritual and I used to meditate as a child. I remember during meditation hearing a voice saying "even if no one else loves you, if you love yourself you'll be ok".

But I haven't been ok. My life has been nothing but struggle. Worse, is the terrible feeling of being alone. I don't have one person.

I look around and I see people going for dinner with aunts , having a great relationship with grandparents. It upsets me.

I'm 42 now and I feel sad that all my young life is gone. I never enjoyed my teens or twenties as it was a struggle just to survive.

I look at some teenagerss i know now and they are so well supported by parents, grandparents . Their families pay for holidays.

I'll never experience the joy of being an 18 year old teenager going on holiday with my friends. At 18 I had huge burdens and responsibilities.

It's just all so unfair. And the unfairness of it is driving me mad. Why couldnt I have had one person that cared about me. Why did I have to have such a tough life. Why do other people have easy lives and other people have tough lives.

I look at children in the news who are similar to me. They only usually make the news when they are murdered. Preston Davey. There are countless other children who being neglected and unloved. Why is life so unfair. Why does it have to be such a struggle.

Any thoughts?

Have you tried EMDR, its renound for dealing with trauma and letting it settle within you.

Have you married, had children?

You want to change
you have tried 5 therapists - I wonder if you place too much faith in them
can you think of any common themes from these sessions that you could reflect on or share to see if you are now ready and able to
start to look and then move forward

You need to stop now. I find your lack of empathy abhorrent.

Has anyone pointed you towards this long running thread yet?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5508136-march-2026-well-we-took-you-to-stately-homes

It seems to hit in age 40s, I don’t know why, and you have some serious past. Good luck.

I haven't tried EMDR. I actually really would like to try it. I looked it up in my local area last year. It's so expensive. I can't find it.

I've never married or had children. Neither has my brother. When we discussed this a while ago, we both felt like we wouldn't be good parents and we didn't want to continue the cycle of abuse by having children and possibly abusing them, because we are quite emotionally damaged ourselves.

A friend with an extremely abuse childhood tried EMDR as a last resort recently and had great results with it @MyFastZebra. He was referred via a sexual abuse charity I think.

It is unfair, you didn't deserve to have these things happen to you.

I had a shit and unhappy childhood (though not to the extent of the op) and what works for me is trying to find meaning in the part of my life I'm living and trying not to dwell on the things I missed out on. For me, that's small things like my animals, my garden and my family. I get a degree of pleasure and pride from not having passed the shit of my own upbringing on to the next generation.

I hope you can find some small joys to make your life meaningful op.

I just feel like none of them grasped what I went through. They all seemed to get stressed and upset at what I told them, and I nearly ended up counselling them

Ah ok so ignore the latter part of my post. Bully's have a knack for picking up on vulnerability in the same way narcissists do. I think, and its just my opinion, that because you carry so much sorrow on what could have been, havent found you, that your vulnerability is very clear to be seen.

Like I said, look at emdr, nothing was your fault, you were a child, a victim but you are still here, living.....you need to take back control and not let your past dictate your future.

Ah I'm happy for him.

Snap Op. Narcisstic mother. Selfish father. I lost who I was but I am finding myself.

I also turned to spirituality in my 20s. Its a blessing to tune into your spirit when everyone else fails.

Life is unfair and cruelly random. Some ppl have many chances and others don’t. Some will get lucky breaks, others accidents. Some may be in a good phase now, but some years later, the winds may have turned.

Don’t compare yourself to other people, compare yourself to you. Are you better, happier, stronger, fulfilled today than you were yesterday? That’s all that matters.

Why on earth would you say that? How do you know what OP has been through? In her update she says she was also sexually abused in her childhood. For all you know, it was just as bad as what Preston went through (minus the death, obviously). I hope you feel embarrassed.

You could grind down every single atom in the universe to nothing and not find a single particle of fairness.

It does not exist. Life is entirely random. good people get shit deals, evil people win the lottery. It's random.

Acceptance is the only path to happiness

I send you a hug. This actually reminds me about a man that I forgot.

I was on a mediation retreat. It was for a week. Most of the people on the retreat were damaged. The man leading the retreat was so serene and peaceful.

During one class he said, 'I want to share something with you'.

He said ' when I was a child my father was very abusive. He beat my mother up all the time. I used to hide under the pillow from her screams. Eventually he beat my mother ip so badly that she went into hospital and yet they left me with him'. He said that this father often punched him in the face.

He went on to say that when he went into his 20s , he couldn't get over the trauma and became a drug addict and alcoholic. He said that his life was a mess and one night he was lying in a heal from drugs and alcohol when suddenly he thought ' It can't get worse. I have go to turn my life around'. He started meditating. He started to turn his life around. He went on to be in a quite famous music band. They were in the charts and then he also started hosting meditation retreats. He was inspiring

I really relate to what you’ve written. I’m also spiritual. I think what you’ve raised are important topics but AIBU is a harsh place full of harsh people. I’d encourage you to raise this on the relationships board instead, where the empathy is a bit more developed.

No. Yours is

Ah thank you! I love spiritual things. It's very interesting. I actually went to a spiritualist church a couple of weeks ago. I didnt say anything. The man running it said to me 'You've been through more than most people your age but that is going to help you and also help other people". Whatever that means.

You can get EMDR on the NHS, clinical psychologists do it. Go
to your GP and explain your distress. It might be a little wait but it’s def available.
It’s hard when you’re stuck in a downward thinking loop like it sounds like you are. I liked the way you wrote the ‘fk you all’ thing. You need to do more of that. It massively helps. Turn your feelings into justifiable anger and release it.

Bullies at work - the only thing that works with these awful people is standing up to them. Literally saying ‘excuse me but what exactly is your problem?’ Calling out their behaviour. Remembering they’re the issue not you. I absolutely hate bullies but like you I seem to attract them. Honestly this world is full of absolute cnts. Be glad you’re not one of them. Good luck.

We don't know if it's extreme. OP said she was abused, she didn't detail how severely she was abused.

I was severely abused. I mean I don't want to go into all of it. But it was a lot

I've been through many struggles and I am currently going through something right now that is perhaps the most difficult time in my life. Like you I don't have family support. I do have faith though and through this I find strength and comfort.

I think when you accept that life isn't fair you can find joy and move forwards. The question isn't why has this happened to me? But should be, what will this suffering turn me into? Pain can make you bitter or it can make you deeper. People don't grow and develop through tines of ease and comfort. You don't discover your true character when life gives, but when life takes away. I hope you find some peace in life. Best wishes.