To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

[whereismyhisband]

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

Recent advice due to change in passport control is 4 hours before but dd was waiting around a lot.

Just be firm - I’ve travelled loads so I’m leaving home at x time, which still gives plenty of time. I’m working now so can’t reply but I’ll see you a bit later. It’s all in hand :)

Do you expect your friend to manage that feeling and take responsibility for helping you to cope?

I hope you don't have children OP.

I can just imagine your responses when they have worries or issues.

OP shouldn’t you be working?

Just message ‘sorry Belinda, heading into work now so won’t be able to reply to messages. See you at the airport at 1 like we planned, if you get there early no worries, enjoy duty free and I’ll meet you at the gate’

Then turn your phone off.

But you still can’t do this if check in and bag drop isn’t open… so ‘want’ doesn’t come in to it

This is what you’re failing to grasp - it’s basic to you but not to her. Not everyone is the same.

I agree 100 messages is ridiculous but you can stop that by turning your phone off or just telling her you’re busy. You don’t have to read them.

At this point maybe you should cancel and spare her the unpleasantness of going away with someone who clearly doesn’t like her very much.

There's been a lot of publicity recently. about travellers getting severe gastro infections at various resorts there... this may have led to reduced prices/bargain holidays!

I am an early airport arriver but not when I have a checked bag as previous posters are right. Some airlines make you wait until (in this example) 1.45 to check in.

If there was to be a big queue at security she could pay for fast track if she is that worried.

Don't cancel - but I would send one firm reply and then stop.

I think just tell her you’re going to work, will be at the airport at xx time but she can be earlier if she wishes. Then mute her and don’t respond any further. There’s no way id give up a holiday because someone was in a bit of a flap though!

You’re mean

So, otherwise, she's fine eg when you've done other stuff together?

No. You aren't horrible. What about a message like:

Ruth, you said you got anxious but it would be fine. This isn't fine. I can't field 100 messages from you, I have stuff to do. Take a deep breath. It's all going to work out. I will meet you at [whatever your arrangements were]. Stop messaging me.

How has it never come up in conversation if she travelled lots.
Who does she travel with normally? Do you know them?

I arrived at Heathrow several hours early last year (due to the way my travel to the airport worked out, not anxiety!). I couldn't check my case in as I was so early, so I went and sat in Arrivals for a while and it was just like the beginning of Love Actually, which was lovely to see.

OP, have some understanding. Not turning up to the airport is just childish and won't help her feel any better. She'll probably be fine after she's got through security.

Tell her to stop messaging it is simple

I do understand the OPs reaction but cancelling is a bit extreme.

I think OP is probably worried she will flap at everything that happens on holiday as well and it will be a waste of money. I have a friend like this and it's hard working around her anxiety all the time.

Telling someone who is anxious that they are absolutely right and going along with their anxiety is counter productive too.

It is absolutely OK to say that you acknowledge they are anxious but think they are being ridiculous. Coddling and reassuring does nothing either.

I used to be really laid back about airports until, we missed a flight even though we got there before bag drop opened, it was just a Ryan air shit show that ended up costing us £300 and a day of our holiday along with at least 40 others on the same flight. Now I get there stupidly early (maybe not 6 hours) and get really pushy at bag drop if time starts to get tight or book fasttrack.

You are being incredibly mean about your friend. I have a good friend who is an anxious traveller, I have travelled a lot and am much more relaxed but I would never describe her as hysterical or consider ditching her on the day of the holiday. Don't go with her again if you don't want to, but it would be extremely bad if you to cancel on her now and completely over the top too.

No. But I don't expect irritation and judgement either.

Facing down a phobia is really hard. She was prewarned.

I'm lucky that everyone I've flown with has had some degree of sympathy, other than one, who I refuse to travel with now, due to his complete lack of sympathy and judgement.

maybe put your energies into your work rather than posting on here? You're stressing too..

YABVVU to be so horrible about a friend you're about to go on holiday with and it's hard to imagine you wanting to spend time with her when you get there but hopefully the holiday will go well once you arrive and can relax

If she's travelled a lot it probably means she's ok once she's on the flight and on holiday. It could just be airport anxiety.

Mainly her family and her partner, who I’m assuming indulge it a lot more than I am willing to.

I feel like the responses are babying the anxious friend.

They had a prearranged plan that involved the time to leave, and that OP would be at work for a half day this morning.

The anxious friend is being pretty selfish to assume she can change plans last minute, have no consideration for OP needing to work, and make her anxiety OPs responsibility to manage by sending a barrage of messages.

I think cancelling is OTT, but the friend seriously needs to take responsibility for herself and her own anxieties and not expect other people to change plans and drop work to help her.