To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

[whereismyhisband]

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

I would be thinking the same
thing as you OP, and would have a pit in my stomach at the thought of having to hold her hand for a full week. But I wouldn’t say anything. Pretty sure she like my enjoy being this way, even if it is completely unfair of her to dump her anxieties in your lap to deal with. I’d just text her with “sorry am
at work, got to go, see you at the airport at 1.45pm as agreed. Looking forward to our holiday!”.

'Indulge'.

Does she indulge your lack of compassion and unkindness?

Not to fuel your anxiety but you've chosen about the worst place to holiday with somebody if you're already feeling irritated. It's literally like being on a moon that happens to have a hotel on it. You'll find it very hard to escape each other once there. I think you'd be vvvvvvu to cancel but you need to be firm and set expectations... 'I'm sorry friend but it's just not going to be an option to ditch work this morning. I promise you I'll leave bang on time and we will get there in plenty of time. You're welcome to go ahead if you're that worried but check in won't even open until 3 hours before our flight. I'm going to have to switch my phone off now so that I can concentrate on working and be sure I finish on time. Looking forward to a great week of relaxing, love and kisses blah blah blah'

I think you’re getting a hard time on here, OP.

Her panic and flapping would annoy me, too.

Stop engaging with your friend before the agreed meeting time. Try to minimise any stress she causes by remaining firm on your own plan.

I am sure you saying you feel like cancelling the holiday was just a joke, course you won't.

If you are checking in baggage you can't do that until 2 hours before anyway, so what is she going to do with the other 4 hours?! I would either arrange to meet her there 3 hours before (and she can get there early if that makes her feel better) or talk her out of this with reassuring messages.

I always allow more than enough time, but my bestie friend I travel with is the opposite, she allows no wriggle room whatsoever, and I do find it stressful. BUT I am talking about an extra half an hour, not 4 hours! We tend to meet in the middle timewise and that works.

100 messages is ridiculous. People like this really annoy me

if she's a good friend just one message. "I'm at work so won't be messaging. Go to the airport early if you want to, I'm sticking to the plan. It's just a flight, nothing to get so stressed about. Try to stay calm, we'll have a lovely time! See you soon"

Have you no empathy?

Don't 'coddle' her by responding to messages other than saying 'See you at x at x time'. No more responses. I fear I would have little patience with this level of anxiety (sorry, yeah, I'm a terrible person) but she's agreed to this flight/holiday and is now making it hard going for the OP, who is obviously very chilled about flying.

The friend is spiralling due to nerves.

Just mute her messages.

I would do what multiple pps have said.

Tell her what you’ll be doing and that you won’t be answering again, and then don’t. But don’t cancel the holiday because she’s anxious, that’s cruel.

This.
I think this is already tainting your holiday so is putting you in a bad mood, so it's making you want to just cancel which is OTT. You just need to approach it differently by being more supportive whilst also acknowledging at the same time that she is free to do what she wants, ie: to set off earlier. Then let her know you're busy at work so won't be responding to any more messages and just switch your phone off.

Why would it? People tend to say things like "I'm a nervous traveler." maybe "I'm a nervous traveler so I see the GP for some valium before I go." They don't tend to say, "...and I stay up all night, repack my bag 40 times, wake DH up every hour asking him to check his passport, and try and persuade him to leave 8 hours too early."

Is it not OK to tell anxious people how their behaviour is impacting on others? 100 messages is totally unacceptable in anyone's book and the friend needs to hear that. She is the one who needs to manage her worries and anxiety, not expect others like the OP or family members to take that job on. And if she's not prepared to do that, holidays are not for her.

She needs to help herself and doesn't seem prepared to do that.

It’s not basic to her. Only to you. Is that really so hard to understand?

You can't cancel now. I just went on holiday with a friend who likes to get to the airport early. Our flight was 6.30am. She got there for 4am and I got there for 5am and we just met at the gate because otherwise she'd be stressed and I'd be annoyed I was there too early. The rest of the trip was fine.

You sound equally hysterical with wanting to cancel on the day because she’s anxious. You also seem to want to show off about how independent you are and how you can leave getting to the airport at the last minute. Bad vibes.

i doubt it’s 100 texts as this was not in the first post and I’m sure it would be were it true. But in any event why don’t you mute her and say you’re at work and won’t be able to reply until you finish but that you will meet her at the airport, allowing her to get there early f she wants to. I feel sorry for her having to go on holiday with you.

Your attitude is at least a bit of the problem.

For me, the queueing, security etc but is crap, the flight is crap, but the airport is fine. I'm more than happy to rock up early, decompress from the baggage faff, read a book, have a few drinks, have a meal etc in the airport before doing the next annoying bit. My husband would prefer to turn up an hour before the flight.

We'd both be cunty if we insisted on taking it to the extremes of our wishes. We compromise, and try not to have an attitude about it.

You would be just as bad as her if you cancelled just because you can't control your emotions and calmed the fuck down about her anxiety.

Really? 100 messages eh?

At least you're not prone to exaggeration OP.

You should be working now, getting your heavy workload sorted, it’s gone your 45 mins!

I have empathy for your “friend”.

Being an anxious traveller isn’t a phobia
And it doesn’t seem that OP was prewarned to this extent

my DH is a nervous traveller
he has coping strategies, medication, and me to help. He would never do this to a friend. It’s not fair and it’s not the friends responsibility.

i have a lot of sympathy for OP, I know that if a friend did this to me I’d probably have a panic attack from the pressure.

You seem just as dramatic- cancelling a holiday over that! She may just be anxious/excited. Just say you will see her when you had planned, and then mute her messages. What a lot of fuss over nothing

Also has OP expressed irritation and judgments to her friend? Or come here to vent and ask for advice

maybe your friends have needed to do similar in the past so they have the resource to then support you as you need

You should definitely cancel. You’re both going to have a miserable time.

You won’t though. You just want to moan.

Hi @whereismyhisband

I can see both sides here - I have (slight) anxiety about missing flights (based on experiences with exH), my DP wants to stay in the Lounge until the last possible second. So I usually leave a bit ahead of him, that way we're both happy.

Your friend obviously has extreme anxiety about travelling, and totally downplayed this to you.

100+ messages today about travelling to the airport is utterly excessive, but indicative of just how bad her anxiety is. It is a MH condition, I'm sure she's not doing it on purpose. She should definitely seek help to manage it.

You need to develop a method for YOU to deal with HER - for example, after the first few messages I would have said 'I'm leaving my house at x time, if you want to leave earlier I will meet you at the airport. I will not be responding to any more messages as I'm getting ready for/at work'.

Leaving that early for a 4.45pm flight when the airport is so close is ridiculous - you can't check in early anyway.

As for the return journey, I would lay it out for her a few days ahead of it what the timings are. If she wants to she can make her own alternative arrangements eg book an earlier taxi to the airport.

I hope you both have a great holiday!

Just general conversation
If my friends are going away sometimes the conversation is around getting to the airport. I know people who like to be super early. Also know people who turn up last minute. People who don't care where they sit, people who have to have aisle seat.