To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

[whereismyhisband]

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

When she was sending all those messages, I'd simply have said: "if you want me to leave promptly, stop distracting me with calls and messages, or you are going to make me late"

Be sympathetic. Everyone is different. She is a nervous traveller. She will be ok once she gets there

I fully agree OP I would have zero empathy with these histrionics either and I HAVE had severe mental health episodes including debilitating anxiety in the past. I’ve got no time for people who just indulge themselves rather than trying to conquer it.

Oooof OP.... I think you're OTT to get so worked up about your friend getting worked up (which of course is OTT of her). Also OTT are the people who call you nasty etc. because of it. Could everyone take a deep breath pls?

I have a friend who gets into these anxious loops and gawd it's a pain but you can ignore/grey rock and it just passes as the situation changes.

I just hope you can enjoy your holiday with her after this. You sounded about ready to explode at her earlier. Have a lovely time (hopefully).

Has anyone pointed out the irony of OP's massive overreaction to her friend's overreaction? They sound well-suited!

Not kind. She isnt alone in having phobias about ait travel. And you would be ruining her holiday thru no fault of her own. Frankly I am feeling sorry for her.

And the irony of the OP thinking the flight was an hour later than it was….

My good friend is a bit like this now (we are in our 50s), I can’t travel with her, but you can’t cancel a holiday at the last minute, hopefully all will be fine when you get there.

Are you sure you are her friend…the lack of empathy is awful. Get over yourself!

They won’t be friends by the end…what an absolute nightmare she is

Yes it looks like it!! I did for quite a while - until we got to the timings. Lots of people don't read the updates from OPs sadly!

👍🏻🤣🤣🤣

You seem just as annoying as her. Silence notifications

Cancelling on the day of the holiday is just as hysterical as stressing about making your flight.

Yes Amazing, so much so I'd say it's incredible, unbelievable.

Why is everyone piling on OP about lack of empathy when the other traveller is dictating how everything should go.

If she’s not willing to deal with her anxiety so shouldn’t push it on other people

No one chooses to be paralysed but wheelchairs are used to try and mitigate the impact. What OPs friend has done is basically refusing to use the wheelchair and making OP carry her.

its not fair and that sort of pressure and responsibility can break people.

I can do it for my DD and DH because I love them and it’s well practiced and as successful as possible. I could not do it for a friend who behaved as in the OP.

Except she got the flight time wrong by an hour.

but it's ok as she's used a Time Machine

There's anxious traveller and then whatever this is. I voted YABU to suggest cancelling the day of a trip. YWNBU to never travel with this friend again.

It is unreasonable for you friend to expect you this level of anxiety management.

You need to set a clear boundary and stick with it. I am busy until and unavailable to talk. I will ring you at Y and ignore messages until the agreed time.

I would have a conversation about travel home. I am leaving the resort at a time, arriving at the airport at y time. If you want to leave earlier and travel separately to manage your anxiety about travelling, please do so.

I might negotiate a slightly earlier travel time to be accomodating. I don't have the capacity to deal with 100s of calls and tears.

@whereismyhisband are you sure it's your friend who is the tightly wound one? You're getting very het up about the whole situation.

How did you even come to be going on holiday together? Surely this can't be the first red flag?

This could have been a really good shout actually for her to try to manage her anxiety, do some breath work, get reassurance etc

I fear your use of the past tense is overly optimistic!

Did ye aye

Lots of things are 'nothing to be scared of,' but if you have a phobia, that isn't helpful. I used to be flight phobic (now cured) and I dealt with it by being at the airport early to give myself time to decompress before entering a small, closed tube in which I was going to be confined until I suffered a fiery death. It really can send people into loops of panic. It's a pity you can't be kinder. It would be simple enough to tell her you will be at the airport at X time, and will meet her.

I suspect you don't actually want to go and are using this as an excuse, as it's a pretty pathetic reason for cancelling at the last minute.

Maybe she can't help her anxiety, but she could help the fact that she knew she would be like this. She has lied and deceived someone into taking on a job they didn't agree to. And without giving her chance to do anything about it.

OP agreed to go on holiday.
She did not agree to be an anxiety coping mechanism or whatever the name should be.

The friend said she would be fine and then ambushed OP with this behaviour at the last minute. Basically giving her no chance to consent to the role she has been given or to back out if she didn't want it and just wanted a relaxing holiday. It's not what she signed up (and paid) for at all.