To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

[whereismyhisband]

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

I never said OP's friend was being reasonable. But you can't always expect someone who suffers with severe anxiety to act reasonably. At the same time her friend seems to be genuinely suffering from rather severe anxiety and so a little grace and understanding rather than OP's contempt might be warranted.

If I had a 4.45 flight I'd be happy to leave straight from work at noon with a 45 minute journey, and I am one of those people who gets to the airport what others would consider stupidly early. I don't think she's being hysterical or is scared of the airport though - she's scared of missing the plane!

To be fair to the OP, drive times are fluid. I would say that from here it's 30 minutes to Glasgow airport departueres. But depending on traffic, time od day, how kind traffic lights are, whether i've booked dump and run valet parking or have to drive round the multistorey looking for a space, it could be anything between 20 minutes and an hour. Or more.

Last time I flew I was in and out of the bag drop in literally 30 seconds because I had arrived at a very quiet point, other times it can take 30 minutes.

It’s irrelevant anyway, OP owns a Time Machine!

The walk from the car park to the entrance is at least 10 minutes at Birmingham airport...

You went to work between 9.30am to 11.30am?

Was there no option to work from home?

Not if you’re using a teleporter! Come on think outside the box!!

But OP got the time of the flight wrong. It was an hour earlier than she thought. If she has form for that sort of thing I can understand even more why her already anxious friend was even more anxious

It wasn’t a 4.45 flight….. it was 3.45, because oops OP got it wrong!

The Op still hasn't told us which company is doing all inclusive in July to Cape Verde for £800...

Friend is in need of relax. Send her to the yoga classes.

OP will probably have arrived in Cape Verde within the next 10 minutes given the timings so far! 😄

My mum is like this when she flies and it is really really hard. When I got my first grown up job I took her on holiday because she deserves it and she had always wanted to go to Rome. My dad warned me she was a really bad traveler and that she’s probably only gotten worse with age. Last time she was on a plane before this was 2009. I kind of thought he was being dramatic and maybe a bit jel I didn’t take him on a holiday.. this was not the case.

With people like this you just need to grit your teeth and get them through the airport and on the plane. You have to do the thinking for them if you get what I mean. The first day and the last day of your holiday probably won’t be amazing as they will be very stressed, at least that’s how it is with my mum. Sometimes being firm is the best option though.

Bloody hell OP, she sounds high maintenance. Is she ok now? My advice would be to take her to the bar, buy her a large G&T and give her a hug and say sincerely ‘Calm down now, let’s have a lovely holiday and if you want me to organise us, just let me know and I’ll take the lead, but you can’t panic like you have this morning, it’ll send me bonkers, you have to chill out.

And over the course of the holiday, I’d chat to her and see what the issue is. You always have friends who have a difference of opinion on what time to get to the airport, but 100 messages is so far from normal.

She's not ruining her holiday - she's ruining a few hours of it.

And the OP is seriously considering trashing the whole holiday, which will have huge implications for the friend, because she just can't be doing with it.

I think a lot of the cruelty is coming through her tone - she just doesn't see the other person as worthy of ... anything, really. There's a narcissism there - the relationship is purely transactional for her. I will go on holiday with you so that I have company but if it costs me anything at all I will dump you in the most heartless way because Me First, Come What May.

With friends like you, who needs enemies.
Feel sorry for your friend.

Also - please don’t use the word “hysterical” as it’s a very misogynistic term.

My dad is like your friend (maybe not the 100 messages but the anxiety and the desire to be incredibly early). He also had anxiety but doesn’t acknowledge it and thinks he’s objectively correct. It is exhausting but it’s difficult for people with anxiety.

At least your friend has owned that it’s anxiety so you had a heads up.

You sound just as dramatic as your friend. But also patronising and uncaring. Have a word with yourself.

You were supposed to finish at 12, have a 15 minute journey home, have a shower then do a 30 minute journey to the airport.

If you are genuinely at check in now, the times above don't represent what happened. So you did leave earlier/have a quicker journey/have an incredibly quick shower and change compared to what your friend expected. There is no 'ha!' moment for you here.

Probably someone who doesn’t drop the office persona once they get home.

You've done all that from finishing work at 11.50 am. To driving home, showering and being through into departures by 12.45 pm. Have you got wings - who needs a plane. Can't wait for the updates.

But by now there's hundreds of messages for her to read-more than the number of ones she'd have to read from her mate!
Not sure if OP has read or responded since starting work, but if you do engage with them OP, it'll take longer than responding to her.
Maybe, if you ever go away with her again, go in a big group, so some friends can go early with her. There are people who love waiting in the lounges/getting drinks and feel it's part of the holiday.

All sounds very rushed doesnt it?!

With friends like you, who needs enemies?

Yes she was being ridiculous, assuming her drama was as bad as your drama about it makes out.

But if she was behaving like that, she's clearly feeling a lot of anxiety. You're lack of empathy is NOT the behaviour of a friend. A holiday is supposed to be a treat - your desire not to 'indulge' her made her treat more stressful. You could have done any number of things to make her feel better - finish work a bit earlier, you could have got it done faster if you weren't slagging her off online all morning. You could have answered her first call. You made your friend's anxiety worse. What a champion you are.

If this is even real. Throwing away an £800 holiday in this economy because your friend is an anxious traveller is wild.

I hope her holiday is less stressful. I hope you manage to be more tolerant and endure the torture of all-inclusive sunshine with her. What hell it is for you...

But you are.

Can you not see that you are actually more dramatic than she is!