To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

[whereismyhisband]

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

Yea, nothing says adult like cancelling a holiday on the day because someone is sending you texts.

Let’s hope she doesn’t come down with the dreadful food poisoning which Cape Verde is becoming well known for, you’d probably have even less empathy for her. My friend spent 8 of her 10 days holiday in or near the loo.

A huge part of empathy is being able to understand that you are not the centre of the universe, the norm, the standard for humanity.

She is not like you. She can't make herself like you.

Even if she could, she shouldn't: you might be able to travel without anxiety, but you're a cruel person. I know which I'd rather be.

Saying she is overreacting whilst you simultaneously overreact and want to cancel the entire holiday is bemusing to me.

Good question. Because I was young, and didn't have the emotional maturity to reflect on her behaviour and automatically jumped to the conclusion that she was right - I was deficient and wired wrong and if only I could try to be more 'her ' and less 'me', then everything would be sorted. This distorted thinking led to a feedback loop of trying really hard to be better, but failing, anxiety increased more and so the cycle continued. Ultimately, I worked it out - she was a ghastly, judgmental friend and I needed proper help.

Cape Verde all inclusive seems an odd choice for a nervous traveller given its recent press coverage - the anxiety is not extending to health anxiety?

I am home AND showered. In 14 minutes, with 5 texts to check that I’ve left and I’ve made it home.

She’s really just not making it any easier

This goes both ways though. Where is the empathy from the friend in return? She is apparently harassing OP endlessly whilst at work. That's self centred too.

She's just very anxious about the flight, once she's on it youl be fine. Just don't be late meeting her

Sounds like she is just excited. Just mute the chat!

But the OP has responded, she has also spent 15 minutes on the phone trying to allay her friend’s fears. What else is she supposed to do?

Repeating the same thing over and over again is not helping your case.

What do you want from this thread? You appear to have no interest in listening to a word anyone else says and just want people to join in slagging off your poor 'friend'.

If someone is this anxious about travelling, they should not be travelling in this manner. My sister has debilitating flight anxiety, but she’s aware of this and how it affects her, and takes serious, pre-emptive, intentional action to mitigate this in the lead up. It’s not your job to process the emotions of your friend for her. And really, shame on her for even trying to pull that shit on you. You are absolutely not being unreasonable, OP. It’s one thing to reach out and say you’re feeling nervous; another thing completely to outsource emotional and psychological processing to another cause you haven’t done the work yourself. X

I thought you were talking about the friend not understanding she is not the center of everything.

I do not think OP is cruel. It’s incredibly stressful to be on the receiving end of someone else’s anxiety. What about OP and her own feelings?

I have empathy for the friend but not for the fact that she’s expecting someone else to absorb her anxiety and manage it for her.

It's a mental health thing. Being pissed off with her isn't going to help.

I understand that it's annoying and unexpected, but OP sounds like someone with no very little humanity.

I wouldn't cancel tbh, you don't sound like a great friend... my best friend is extremely organised and a real worrier - loves to be at the airport early, whereas I am the complete opposite and will get there 90 mins before if I can! I just tell her to get there herself and I will meet her in a bar/restaurant the other side of security. I of course, go a bit earlier than I usually would and we have a bite to eat/glass of wine before we board the flight together. It's really not that much of a big deal! Just tell her you'll meet her there.

Yeah annoying as fuck tbh.

I am way too invested in this 😂

I am following this as I am due to fly from BHX on Thursday and we have the lounge booked so will be there at least 3hrs before ha ha - gotta make the most of the 'free' prosecco! Also go Fastrack - has your mate got it @whereismyhisband?

Love the airport - I would happily get there 3/4hrs before to soak in the holiday atmosphere!

I have a friend a bit like this, not perhaps as bad but she flies from airports she knows there route too and has to be there 4hrs before and then moans her daughter is bored at the airport.....

Mute or ignore the conversation and meet her as agreed at the airport.

Also, considering that she knew friend was an anxious traveller, both of them could have avoided this situation by pre-booking parking, considering buying fast-track tickets, and er, knowing what time your flight is.

Sounds like they both knew in advance this would be anxiety inducing for the friend and yet decided to wing it and make no arrangements to ensure everything went smoothly.

I think you should reply just one more time.

“I’ll see you at 1:45PM at the bag drop and will call if I can’t find you” then mute her messages.

Both, at exactly the same time and the closeness they will feel will cause their friendship to be closer than ever.

Then they’ll skip off on holiday, find a lovely chapel to visit together where they’ll be so overcome with emotion that they’ll both burst into hysterical screams and wailing episodes.

The trip is going to be a wonderful experience for both of them.

I have a feeling the plane will explode on the flight back though, OP will be the only survivor and we’ll get to hear all about it!

Ha ha sounds like my DS2, and he’s flown loads of times, I call him airport dad
i just humour him, then tell him AGAIN that check-in isn’t even open 5 hours before
then ignore him as he questions my duty free perusing leading to missing the flight
finally refuse to go to the gate 2 hours before takeoff as we have a seat, and they cannot fly without us unless bags are disembarked

rinse and repeat every single time, feel for his mates/ girlfriend when he travels with them

we have never once missed a flight
I’m only willing to arrive 3 hours before if I have a lounge to get my moneys worth from

And you wonder why your friend is concerned? 🤔

well isn't that amazing

not only did you manage to finish (at least) 10 mins early

but your 15 min car journey was less than 15 mins

as by 12.03 pm you posted to say you were home and showered