To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

[whereismyhisband]

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

of course she is!

You’ve posted on average every 7 minutes since starting this thread. You were extremely
busy, had loads to do and couldn’t be bothered to engage with any drama though? And also have no idea what time you’re actually flying despite three hours on rush thread and 100+ message from extremely anxious friend?

do you think the friend will snap and fart, or will that be the OP?

I hope you go, it is too late to cancel. I’d have messaged I know you said you were an anxious traveller but this is nuts. I’m sorry to sound unsympathetic but I have to work this morning or I can’t come, so please stop messaging me. We will be fine. we will catch our flight. You know this.
And mute her

I’m set to leave 10 minutes early! So I’ll be there in plenty of time!

Hope you both have a good time OP and can laugh at this later over a well deserved G and T in your hotel bar.

Well I’d describe it as being an anxious traveller which is what you say she described herself as.

Perhaps it’s generational but hysteria/hysterical is not considered a very PC term which suggests to me you have very little sympathy, and at worst complete disdain, for people with struggles you don’t necessarily understand. And if your friend’s “hysteria” is so bad today that you’re considering cancelling a holiday on the morning of I wonder how your relationship managed to even get to the point you booked a holiday together.

You should have stated she'd sent 100 messages in the OP. Because otherwise you just sound over-reacting and unpleasant. Hopefully she'll calm down once she gets to the destination.

if not, there's always street valium (JOKE!)

Gently, I don’t think OP could do anything to soothe her friend’s anxieties. Friend is looking to put her emotions somewhere and expecting OP to hold them and react to them. It’s incredibly difficult to be in that position and OP is responding to that. We all have feelings of our own; it’s exhausting to be expected to manage and soothe the feelings of another adult, too. And an exercise in futility.

This isn’t healthy nor fair, and it sounds like the friend needs professional help.

Surely it would be better for friend to cancel?
No need for OP to pander to her unreasonable behaviour.

I should imagine this friend has actual proper anxiety issues and is not choosing to be like this. You don’t sound like much of a friend really so I can’t imagine this holiday is going to be a success. Not sure how you booked a holiday together and didn’t know how bad her anxiety can be.

You got the flight time wrong!! You are literally as bad as her in terms of being a nightmare to travel with 😂

Are you saying the friend didn’t know before know that she has severe anxiety? Because if this is the first time she’s reacted this way, it’s understandable. If not, she has chosen not to get help and to cause anxiety and upset for others.

So

finish work at 12

drive 15 mins home
12.15 pm at a minimum considering Op isn't actually in her car at 12 noon

shower ! I guess that means dry hair / make up too ?
how long does that take ?

then drive 30 mins to airport - are you driving your car, does this mean you have booked parking for it ?

we are up to 12.45pm without the shower and without dealing with the car

or is a taxi booked
or are you getting a bus
or a train

as you didn't say ? you only said 30 mins to airport maybe you don't need transport maybe you have wings

flight is 3.45pm not 4.45pm

3 hours before flight check in tho advice on the airport website says 3-4 hours for long haul

and plenty of time to post on MN...

I don't disagree; friend clearly needs professional help. However, OP knows this friend suffers from anxiety and will need a handhold, so getting pissed off at this late stage helps no one.

Your poor friend. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who had zero empathy for anxiety- do you never worry about anything ever?

Threatening to cancel day of because she's been a bit annoying is just as 'hysterical' as you claim she is.

100 messages before 9am?!
All different or sending the same thing over and over? Or just one word txts?
If this is unusual behaviour I’d be worried there is something else going on. Do you think she might be pushing you to cancel so she doesn’t have to go but it won’t be her fault?

Why not get off Mumsnet when you are at work. I am off sick which is why I am on here a lot.
And get off the phone...tell your friend she can be at the airport whenever she likes, and you have to switch your phone off because you are at work.
Phone and socials addiction is no better than 'hysteria'...and on an employer's time...
Just please do not punish her or yourself by recriminations. Start the holiday with a clean slate, enjoy, and never travel with her as a pair again.

I also don't have much sympathy for people like this. Personally, I'd go to work and say "right I'm off to work now, see you at the airport, I'll call you when I'm there" and turn off your phone.

Realistically, all her questions aren't going to be solved by you answering them because she's anxious about flying. She's not asking the questions for you to answer them logically or provide a solution, she's asking to worry about it. So no answer you give will be good enough.

Point her to chatgpt so she can send another 100 messages to herself whilst you're at work. 🙄

I appreciate people here are sympathetic to her situation but what about OP? I'm sure OP is a great friend in real instances which are happening. But the "what if" spiralling is useless and exhausting.

Are you sitting next to her on the flight?

But why did you maintain a friendship/relationship who made you feel so awful? Why didn’t you take responsibility for yourself and cut her out of your life? How are you ascribing a lifetime of depression to someone who didn’t give you what you needed or actually made your life worse? That’s not a friend, is it?

Particularly since the OP got the flight time wrong!

LOADS of ammunition for yet more moaning and critical posts, when friend has meltdown because OP cuts it even finer.

so much for the "experienced" travellers

Right?!

I’d love to know if this trip actually goes ahead.