To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

[whereismyhisband]

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

If you're happy to lose the £800, then you may as well go. If it becomes unbearable then come home early (or if you think she's being performative then threaten to). Don't arrange to go on holiday with her again.

I think all the people saying the OP lacks sympathy are themselves lacking sympathy for the OP!

Exactly. Some of the harsh comments on here directed at the OP are batshit. It’s no wonder that so few people have resilience and basic coping skills these days with the amount of pandering expected of those around them, and I say that as someone who suffers from anxiety.

She didn't lie about it.

She said she was an anxious traveller, I thought okay cool, probably just some light anxiety around flying. Nope.

Don’t be ridiculous OP. Just tell her we’re sticking to plan and you probably can’t answer any messages today as you’re busy working to be able to go away.

You have agreed to go so now you should
Plan strategies on how to deal with her but you really can't pull out now.
I am not an anxious person but airports bring out the worst in me to the extent that my family joke about "Airport Hoppinggreen" coming on holiday with them and they have quite a few anecdotes about me at airports - including insisting on being there very early
So she might chill out once you get on the plane

I would ignore any further messages, and definitely don't answer the phone.

What's the worst that could happen? She's waiting plane side for you, and you, for some freak reason, can't make it on time.
She can choose - get on the flight and enjoy as much of the holiday as she can before stressing about the return journey.
Or she can choose not to go.

She is being incredibly selfish by inflicting this level of stress and manipulation on you. If this is really 'how she is' she needs to get help to deal with or at least mitigate her extreme anxiety.

Are you sharing a room with her? Hopefully not!

Are you flying from BHX? As the flight to Cape Verde is leaving at 3.45pm, not 4.45pm.

You won’t though.

Yes, she did.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Which is why OP thought probably just some light anxiety around flying

I agree, a little anxiety is fine but 100 messages today alone is nuts. You can have empathy but you can also be annoyed about this, she chose and agreed to come on this trip so she needs to pull back and not put her anxiety onto you. I have friends and family who project and it’s exhausting. I help so a lot and adapt to ensure they feel secure in situations but it also affects me and I have enough to deal with.

Not understanding that this is a common issue, repeatedly saying that she’s a “grown adult”, that it’s “not hard” just shows your immense lacking in emotional maturity.
I expect you are the kind of person who does very well for themselves, and dismisses anyone who struggles in any way. Not that that would bother you because you probably categorise people into worthy or not based on their “capabilities” and you wouldn’t care what the underdogs thought of you anyway.

Saying that you’d rather jack of the holiday than deal with “hysteria” ( talk about exaggeration when getting to the airport early is really common) just shows that you are all about yourself, all of the time.
We’re all different, but I’d never be friends with someone like you, but I’m sure you’ll have some admirers.

Oh, oops! Still doesn’t change my plans to be honest. Two hours is plenty and realistically I’ll be at the airport by 1 at the absolute latest, so 2 hours 45 minutes early. Absolutely no need for her to be this hysterical.

I didn't say 100 messages was a good thing.
My point was that severe anxiety can kick in even if you have previously been sensible, logical, and restrained...

Your friend sounds more than anxious she sounds absolutely insane. Much as you want a holiday I would cancel. She is going to be an absolute nightmare from start to finish - I would place good money on the flights not being the only thing which will make her this way.

100% with you on this

Travelling is not difficult! I've travelled the world alone. Getting through an airport is not a big deal.

I cannot stand hysterical people.

I’d have put a stop to it early on - “I’ve got work to get done by 12. Every text you send me is going to result in me having to stay at work an extra minute.”

You sound delightful. You already admit she has not flown like this before. Have a bit of patience. Just because you do it all the time doesn't make her fear any less.
I'm sure in a few years she will be as chilled as you, maybe with nicer friends!

Fascinating to see so much complete ignorance around actual anxiety on this thread when MN is usually heaving with posters who "have anxiety".

I’d probably message and give HER the option to cancel
”listen xxx, I know you said you were an anxious traveller but I had no idea it was this bad. I’m happy to go on my own if this has all got too much for you”
If she says no, it’s fine then you can tell her firmly but as nicely as you can to dial the hysterics down and you’ll see her at the airport. Then mute

Tell her you have to work now so are turning your phone to do not disturb, you will get your morning's work done then go to meet her.

And yes, give her the option to cancel if it's too much for her. Tell her you completely understand if she feels like she can't go.

Don’t throw away the holiday. If she hasn’t calmed down by the time you land, start planning your extrication.

Do you gave separate rooms? If not, get to the hotel and speak to them about a separate room.

The 100 messages is unbelievable and so is the OP getting her departure time wrong.

I think you need to let her know that her anxiety is not your problem to solve and you will not be controlled by it.

Damn, and you had me. Well done.