To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

[whereismyhisband]

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

Surprised your anxious friend isn’t more worried about the salmonella and shigella outbreaks there tbh

Why does she even want to go on holiday with YOU?

you appear just as dramatic as she is, and very unpleasant.
The general advice is correct: tell her YOU are going at x time, she's free to go earlier.

Then mute her for the morning, and problem solved. You are wasting more time complaining about her on here that it would have been going to the airport earlier and having a drink there 😂

So are you cancelling then OP? Or was it just hyperbole?

I still really bloody want to! Just knowing all this stress is waiting for me at the airport is enough to knock me sick to be honest

I'd honestly cancel. And I say that as an anxious person and anxious traveller. The difference is that I know I'm unreasonable and I deal with it my fucking self rather than feeling entitled to ruin someone else's holiday. I would have ZERO time and empathy for someone sobbing down the phone at me about their anxious delusions.

What if we lose our passports... is pathetic.

What if I break my leg coming out of my house
What if the taxi driver doesn't know where the airport is
What if the conveyor belt in security doesn't work and my backpack gets stuck

Honestly... this is ridiculous

I have just read more about how frequently she’s messaging you. I have more sympathy for you now. Text to say that you have a lot to do and you have meetings but you know you’ll get there with no problem. You’ll see her as arranged but you can’t answer any more texts until you finish work.

I assume there's a group chat? Tell her you can't talk, you're working, pass her on to that (message the group to say Edna has a few concerns, you're working, can anyone help) and see if it continues when it's being inflicted on everyone at once.

ETA: Sorry, ignore. I forgot it was just you two.

It's literally simply a text back saying "Hey Mary, we planned this with plenty of time to get through the airport. However if you would feel better then maybe yiu could make your way to the airport and I'll meet you there when I'm finished work at 12."

Its not a big deal but cancelling a holiday because your friend is anxious is just a horrible thing to do.

this Surely?! I mean unless you don’t want to be her friend at all which is what would happen if you just cancelled the whole thing

Well, your gut is wrong. She clearly has a full-blown anxiety disorder and the fact you haven't grasped the severity of it is odd. I imagine every aspect of your holiday will be like this. It's not as if she is going to be able - having a severe anxiety disorder, whether it's GAD, or a flying phobia, or a combo - to just "snap out of it." She's not doing it to annoy, and you are probably the worst person for her to travel with, given you seem to lack patience, empathy, and imagination.

I think it's cutting it a bit tight going into work in the morning. She probably is thinking what if the traffic's bad, what if you're delayed at work.

"Hi Gill, I am blocking your number for the day as I have too much to do and I am not your anxiety support dog. We will be fine, please calm down"

I actually don’t have any friends who treat me with such peremptory disrespect. All of my friends with problems/ health concerns/ special circumstances take responsibility for themselves rather than dump them on me with an expectation that I will be fine handling them. As a result, I’m very accommodating and take on more than my “fair share” to help them as best I can. I wouldn’t be friends with anyone who expected me to solve their problems for them at my own expense.

You should cancel – for her sake. I would hate to be friends with someone so lacking in empathy. She's clearly in the midst of a full-blown anxiety attack and while I do appreciate how annoying it is to receive so many texts, you starting a thread on MN with many identifying details just to shame her is awful.

There are so many 'what ifs' that we can't even name them all !

As long as you/she allows time for traffic, queues, parking, and all of that, it is fine. As I said before my friend allows no time, I allow plenty and we meet in the middle.

Telling someone with acute anxiety to calm down is like telling a young boy who's crying to man up. Unnecessarily cruel, in other words.

For goodness sake just be kind to her. So you travel 6-8 times a year as a solo traveller, help her then. Reassure her. Don’t be a dick about it. So many people are struggling and can’t get away so focus on the fact you have a lovely holiday to look forward to. And if you have so much to do this morning why are you wasting time on MN. Crack on with what you have to do and be nice to your friend!

Of course you’re being unreasonable. Cancel an expensive pre planned holiday with one friend because they’re texting you a lot?

What a friend.

You just can’t be bothered. That’s so lazy she’s probably better off without a friend who would treat her feelings, time and money like that.

This.

I find it bizarre that you know her well enough to go on a holiday together but she has never once displayed any signs of anxiety that’s annoyed you before?

When she said she was anxious about travelling, were you not incredibly surprised (as she isn’t like this usually) and ask for more detail?

She’s not being nasty at all - she’s exasperated, and I completely understand why. I am very anxious when it comes to being late for things, but that isn’t anyone else’s responsibility to manage for me, so I take the appropriate steps to make sure my anxiety isn’t causing unnecessary stress for others.

The OP’s friend is a grown woman and she’s responsible for herself. If simply going to the airport causes her this much anxiety and discomfort then maybe she shouldn’t be travelling at all. It’s not fair to just throw her hands up and say “this is just the way I am, deal with it.”

100 messages in one morning, and pressuring OP to have the morning off work is absolutely insane. It's way, WAY beyond the bounds of ordinary travel anxiety, and genuinely into the realms of potentially certifiable mental health issues, and OP is probably (justifiably) wondering if her entire holiday is going to be ruined by this sort of completely unreasonable nonsense and unnecessary stress.

Don't blame you at all for being annoyed, she sounds like hard work! Don't cancel though, that would be mad. I hope she's more reasonable once she's there.

It's not her fault that she's an anxious traveler. But it is entirely her fault and really unfair and unkind to OP, that she lied to OP about it before hand.