To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

[whereismyhisband]

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

Very much it’s “this is the way I am, you have to be nice to
me about it”, but this is the first time it’s really come to a head with me being directly impacted. Usually if we’re meeting up, it’s with a group of other people and she has someone else who will turn up early with her.

As annoying as it is, I thought cancelling the whole thing and losing £800 was an overreaction until I saw she's sent you 100 messages about it before 9am.

Fucking hell. It may not be her fault (although there are techniques to manage this kind of anxiety) but it's not your fault either and I don't think I could cope with that.

Just send her a polite message saying you can’t stop as you’re in work and you’ll see her there, or whatever your arrangement is. Tell her you won’t get out of work on time if you don’t focus. If you keep responding you’re possibly feeding her anxiety

100 (and counting!) messages, three missed calls and a 15 minute telephone call where she’s sobbing down the phone to me because she’s convinced we’ll miss the flight is not normal behaviour. She knows I’ve never missed a flight, she knows it’ll be fine.

Probably best you crack on with your "work" now Op

I agree with this

Is it literally 100 texts she has sent you or does it just feel like that.

Once you've sent the message saying you are welcome to travel to the airport early but i am very busy and will see you there at the arranged time and FYI, I am NEVER late for a flight. Then just stop engaging with her.
That's really not mollycoddling her. That's just telling her what it i?

Respectfully, I think you are getting nearly as het up as her to consider abandoning your holiday hours before your flight. Let her do her nut and keep your cool.
Don't indulge her at the airport either. Just carry on with the things you normally do there.
Go on your holiday because it would be brutal not to and its a complete waste of money, just because of a strop about some texts.

But it would be easier if you tried to get along.If she starts with the panic again you can always tell her very firmly to stop. If the worst comes to the worst, you can always do your own thing on holiday.

But you were friends until this. She will probably calm down once she knows she hasn't missed the flight or whatever.

I hope you both get there and enjoy your holiday and laugh about this being a blip.

It doesn’t matter though if you’re cancelling, does it? You just need to break it to her that you’re not going with her.

Gosh you’re nasty. Travel anxiety is a real thing. Try having some sympathy rather than showing off how often you go away and can manage

@whereismyhisband I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work

Most of it being messaging on Mumsnet! 😂

Your friend is being a little bit ridiculous, but it isn't worth pulling out of the entire holiday for. By 2.30pm today you will both be through security and will be able to start enjoying the holiday. Don't let your frustration today linger into your holiday together.

Is there any way you can pay for fasttrack security, which may help her to relax a little? That is probably the main point where there could be a long delay, though most schools haven't broken up yet so there shouldn't be insane queues at most airports.

I am not a nervous traveller, but I hate being late for things but even I only insist on being at the airport two to two and a half hours before departure time, and I always pay for fasttrack security if that is available.

That is a lot so I can see why you’d be frustrated, especially if you are trying to work. A bit extreme to want to cancel the holiday though.

You both sound unbearable tbh. Your reaction to her hysteria is just as hysterical.

I was about to tell you YWBU until I saw she'd sent you nearly 100 messages this morning.

I wouldn't call off the holiday, but I would definitely be very, very sharp with her. I'd be saying something like 'No, I will not get to the airport until the time I need to be there, which is already earlier than the airline suggests. I will get there when I said I would get there. I am working this morning and I can't indulge your anxiety any more than this. If you keep messaging and calling, I will pull out of this holiday altogether. I'm muting you now because I have work to do. I'll see you at the airport as we agreed. I travel many, many times a year, on my own, and I know what I'm doing.'

What part of 2 entirely incompatible women going on holiday together makes this a 'girls holiday'?

Jesus that sounds so cold though. Do you not care for your friends???

I'm an anxious traveller which is why I don't do it now but OPs friend is way over the top with the amount of messages.

My sympathy is with OP trying to work to get on her way at the time she stated.

Do you think this is real, mental ill health anxiety (if so it absolutely requires treatment and she shouldn't be taking the holiday because she can't cope and it will make her ill) or do you think there is something performative and deliberate about it? That might be couched in a kernel of genuine anxiety, but still... What's your feeling?

Why on earth are you engaging?
Do your work and mute her.

Is it seriously 100? It's not hyperbole?

I would be absolutely fuming at that, I'd message once to say I'm aiming to get to the airport at X, if you want to go earlier, I'll meet you there, then I'd put her on mute until I was ready to leave for the airport!

If a man carried on like the friend they would be called abusive

The friend has issues the op is not their therapist

Obviously dont cancel. But i can see where you're coming from. I think you should be honest.
Im working, you are stressing me. Sorry you panic but meet me there, as I am not changing my plans. See you soon

..

Really? So you would be okay with someone texting you on average every 3 minutes from 6am for any reason whatsoever?

Why can't she go to the airport super early and you'll meet up with her at X location, at X time, and tell her you'll be turning your phone off until you have finished work so stop messaging. If travelling together to the airport is this stressful it makes sense to travel to the airport separately.

I’m an anxious traveller. It can be quite debilitating. My partner, family and friends are understanding and gently encourage and help me. This is because they’re nice people who care about me.
OP feel glad that you don’t suffer from anxiety. It’s horrible. I bet your friend isn’t enjoying her morning either.
Also you can go from being a generally confident to an anxious person so hope it doesn’t happen to you.
You sound really cold and aren’t being a good friend.

My gut says performative.

To be honest it’s completely knocked me off my stride this morning. Every couple of minutes it’s “what if we lose our passports?” “What if we don’t get parking?” “What if there’s a long security line???” And all of it is such normal stuff at an airport. I just don’t think anyone could be THIS anxious about something they’ve done before.

You sound very impatient, you’re familiar with the airport, she isn’t.
It’s likely that she will get on your nerves while you’re travelling and she will probably faff around a bit at the airport because she won’t know what to do.
Just tell her that you’re in meetings and will meet her as arranged after you finish work.
She will probably be fine when you arrive but make sure that you do some things independently.
Cancelling would be a massive overreaction, practice a bit of patience.