To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

[whereismyhisband]

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

Doesn’t the friend have responsibility to manage those herself and communicate to OP in advance though?

she could have booked airport assistance
told OP that she needs to be there six hours early
arranged to get to airport without OP
considered medication

why is the only option landing all this on OP last minute and telling her to cancel work?

Not really the same as having ramps available is it

YANBU to be annoyed by her blowing up your phone with ridiculous messages. My mother is like this. I have to mute her sometimes because if I paid any attention, I wouldn't get done what I needed to, and really would end up running late.

You're entitled to be direct: Stop messaging me, Mary - I need to focus on my work so I can finish up and meet you as arranged. See you there.

YABU to cancel at this late stage. But lay down clearly at the start of the holiday that you won't be mithered like this, and if she is the same on the way back then don't go away with her again.

Hopefully she will relax once there.

Are you always this empathic OP? 😂

There are people who are extremely anxious travellers and there are people who are confident well seasoned travellers. It's not her fault. No body wants to be anxious. It is not a nice feeling. You don't understand it and therefore have no sympathy OP but really you are very lucky that you have the confidence you have. I suffer with anxiety and in terms of travelling I'm rubbish at figuring stuff out. I would never travel alone. That would be my worst nightmare. If you are really her friend then you will understand that this is an area she struggles with and try to reassure her while still sticking to your plans etc. You would be obviously very unreasonable to cancel. You are going to have to learn to compromise and have patience if you are traveling with other people.

I reckon she won't want to do check in and security on her own though as in her head the OP's timings mean OP might miss the flight.

Because the OP is the other traveller and supposedly her friend....

MEET HER AT THE AIRPORT!!

Why the need to go to the airport together if she wants to get there much earlier?

I can see what you’re annoyed (maybe because your mind was focussed on work you need to get done first) but you also sound like you don’t like her and have limited empathy.

TBH I would also find it annoying and would just say “sorry, got to focus on work. You get there whenever you feel comfortable and I’ll see you at the airport shortly after 1pm.” Then mute and get on with work!

If anxious friend gets there earlier and takes self through check in, I'd be worried they'd get to the bar and try to alleviate their anxiety that way!

I’ve just spoken to her (after she called me three times) and she thinks that’s what’s going to happen.

She’s convinced I’ll miss the flight and she’s not keen to do it alone. We’re all checked in on the app so all she needs to do is bag drop and security. She is literally whipping herself up to near hysterics over it.

“Take resource I don’t have”.

With respect, it sounds like you’ve been on the internet too much. As pp said, humans are fallible, even you. If everyone had no patience for others, we’d die out. Kindness costs nothing.

We were all just gone 18. They were fairly tispy for the flight!!!

People who are physically disabled don't become more physically disabled if you make a door that their wheelchair can fit through though whereas there is actuall evidence that the thought processes around anxiety worsen and become more debilitating if they are encouraged so this is a completely illogical comparison. In both cases though I would say yes we should be avoid putting someone in a case of unnecessary dependence as that is physically and mentally demoralising for the disabled person. I used to work at a centre for people with physical disabilities and we were trained to encourage users to be independent where appropriate eg not assuming they couldn't grab themselves a cup of tea just because they use a wheelchair, focussing on ways they can achieve independence rather than assuming a codependent role

I would have called it off at 'all-inclusive Cape Verde' 🤒it's not with Tui is it?

If you want to market yourself as the chilled one out of the two of you you actually need to be chilled about this, you don’t sound very chilled. Just take a deep breath and try to actually chill out - all she’s done is message you. All you need to do is confirm the plan with her and say you can’t respond to any more messages until you finish work.

Are you getting any work done at all? You should have muted her.

Yeah, that’s mental and I can understand why you’re frustrated. I’m someone who shows up to the airport ridiculously early because I have a weird fear of being late for anything, especially flights.

Travelling with people who either show up at the last minute or even with the 3 hour minimum window for flights does stress me out. However, that is my problem to deal with and I would never do what she’s doing. I actually prefer travelling alone for this reason because I’m incompatible with most people 😂.

As someone who does have anxiety, she really needs to take responsibility for this, find a way to manage her anxiety and stop stressing you out.

I thought you were cancelling? You said you’d rather lose the money than go? So it’s not your problem any more.

OP has said that her friend has travelled lots before, surely she can manage check in and security by herself, you just shuffle along with everyone else.

Hopefully OP has told her that she's in a meeting and can't answer messages, as her friend isn't going to feel calmer by constantly sharing her anxieties.

I am starting to see why the OP is so fed up to the point of thinking of cancelling. The entire holiday is going to be dominated with the "friend" stressing and overthinking the return journey.

Has this woman done anything to address her high level of anxiety, @whereismyhisband ? Or is she one of those "just the way I am and you have to deal with it" people? She must realise on some level that her behaviour is unhinged. The other people she usually travels with have done her no favours by allowing her to behave like this in the past.

I suspect the friend is not just anxious about travelling per se but anxious about travelling alone (ie OP missing the flight) as she's never travelled alone before. So she's trying to push OP into following her own preferred timetable.

A friend who signed up for a holiday. Not to be some sort of carer/assistance?

You can't be getting much work done when youre still on here. I also wouldn't be booking only half a day when I was off on holiday in the afternoon.

If I was your friend I’d find someone a bit less cold and lacking in empathy to go away with. Yes, it’s annoying. No, 100 messages isn’t ok. But you sound as if you think everyone should handle things the same way as you. Some people struggle with some things. You can be kind without ‘indulging’ her fears. Explain what you intend to do as regards the arrangements. That it has always gone smoothly in the past and that there’s nothing to worry about. And firmly and politely tell her you won’t be able to read any more messages because you’ll be busy with work.

It's bizarre how you are accusing your friend of being a drama queen but can't see the irony in your own response. You are both drama queens, but my sympathy goes to your friend, not you. Travelling can be really stressful, and you are being really mardy and patronising about her. You actually sound like a 15 year old having a strop - again ironic given that you are so keen to point out you are both adults.

Wind em up and watch em go....