To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

[whereismyhisband]

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

Sorry, I think it’s your attitude that stinks. Once she is on the plane she’ll most likely be fine. Just ignore her messages and get on with all that work you’ve got to finish in the next couple of hours.

By 9.46 it was over 100! (And well
after the time that OP was meant to start her busy day 🙄)

Presumably you're worried that it isn't just the flying, OP, and that she'll be hassling you all holiday, one way or another, and make it a bit of a nightmare? Because I can actually see that if she's like this with every bit of travel or activity once you get there as well, that that might actually be worth canceling for.

Do you know anyone she has been on holiday with well enough to check in with them and ask? If not, then when you meet up with her, sitting her down and making her tell you what she is actually going to be like on the holiday might be wise. If it does look like this is just the flights, you can probably just be firm about it. But if she's going to be wanting to be hours early for every bus/ day trip/ show/ etc., check out every restaurant in advance 8 different ways, and go over every choice a dozen times, that could be torturous and dropping out, even at the airport, might be wise.

Being anxious = fine. Being not anxious = fine.

Making the other person unnecessarily stressed out before the trip = not fine and it seems like you are both doing that to each other because you couldn't be more diametrically opposite in your views.

Don't cancel if this is just about flights.

Do tell her that you cannot answer the phone between now and being home/en route to the airport and that she is welcome to get to the airport earlier if she prefers.

Do tell her that bag drop only opens 2/3 hours before the flight so that won't help with any of the other security/passport queues she is worried about.

If she wants more control on that then she can pay for fasttrack for herself or for both of you.

That's it. Good luck and have a great holiday!

What makes ot a girls holiday

Some odd responses here. There’s a big difference between asking for a little reassurance or wanting to go to the airport a bit early- and 3 hrs before the flight is already what I would qualify as early- and sending over 100 messages and expecting OP to arrive 6 hrs early and using more annual leave.

It doesn’t bode well for the rest of the trip that OP is apparently this ladies human crutch. I wouldn’t cancel the trip but I would tell her not to message any more and have a compassionate but firm conversation about the number of messages.

If she is that anxious about travelling she should never have agreed to the trip in the first place.

You can’t be that busy at work , you’ve managed to spend a lot of time on Mumsnet ! Feel a bit sorry for your friend if I’m honest . Hopefully you can both relax and enjoy the time together

This!
It's clear the OPs friend is an anxious traveller and the OP is just being a rude tosspot instead of trying to alleviate said anxiety. Instead she wants to cancel a holiday knowing her friend won't go alone.

If you struggle to cope with others, maybe solo travel is best? Humans are fallible.

I have a flying phobia. Lots and lots of therapy for it. It is made worse by aggression from others. A hand hold (literally holding hands) helps. Being told it's all in my head and stop stressing makes it worse.

It isn't about 'doing it to others'. It's about the friend having a panic attack. But if you think that stuff is controllable you should set up in business. You could save the MH industry millions of £££.

Sounds like your friend will have a better time without your awful attitude. I’m not saying her reaction is normal but anxiety is real and hard to manage. You are the opposite end of the scale and seem to want to leave it to the last minute. Not really sure why you thought you’d both cope well with this trip.

Your babyish response to throw your toys out of the pram because you’re not getting your way is just as unreasonable as her wanting to leave too early for the airport. You need to grow up!

If you're going to riu palace don't cancel. Just message her and say I'm really busy with work, I appreciate you're stressed but I have alot to do and can't answer any more messages. Il get you at x at x time. Go get some kalms and chill out.

And are people missing that the friend is trying to get OP to cancel work hours / minutes before starting? That’s not reasonable, that’s adding stress and pressure for OP, who may have her own responsibilities to focus on before a weeks holiday.

Yeah we shouldn't coddle people with obvious health issues. Let's buldoze all the disabled toilets and access ramps too. No more passenger assistance at train stations. People with no legs should just manage to walk better. They're adults. They should be able to cope without help

If she wants to go to the airport early, just let her crack on and do it. Reply saying you have meetings til 12 and will arrive as agreed.

You both sound pretty dramatic to be fair.

Cancelling the holiday indeed 🤣

It could easily be 100
messages if friend sends each sentence as a single message like I do

If its really 100 messages and all this morning i'd worry my friend was having an acute psychotic episode and unwell, and i would phone them. This is not normal. Has she got a history of mental illness? I'm worried she's going to be unwell and chaotic on the plane or the small island and require medical help. Do you know her well OP?

You cant cancel on the day, it’d be both a massive overreaction and mean considering you’re only travelling with one other person, and there’s no illness or other unforeseen emergency at play stopping you going.

Just reply saying “no, can’t leave any earlier as I’m working until 12 unfortunately. I’ve got some stuff to do for work so won’t be able to message again until I’ve finished. If you wanted to go ahead earlier than that then no worries and I’ll meet you there, but if not I’ll see you at 12.30” and leave it at that

And it is the OP's job to alleviate her friend's anxiety because.....?

Tbh, I wouldn't go. Save you a headache on all the messages and save her a miserable week with a grumpy person who's smarting from 100's of messages.
Call it a day, then everything is fine, apart from a friendship.

She wasn't prewarned. The opposite, in fact. She was told it would be fine. Which this isn't.

Be honest. Tell her she's welcome to arrive very early but you will not. Also that her messages are driving you nuts and you are switching off your phone till an hour before take off . And will text her when you get to the airport

Tell her you'll meet her at the gate and don't reply to any more messages.

Not go? Over this? Tbh that makes you sound as over reactive as your friend.
Send her a message explaining that you will arrive at the airport at the recommended time so not to worry. That you're busy at work so can't message her again until you're done at 12.

“Indulge in it?!” Who do you think you are?

You're coming across like a stuck up twat, not a friend. I’d say enjoy your holiday but with your attitude, I’m going to guess that nothings ever good enough and your friend will constantly annoy you with her very presence.

I hope you’re just using MN lingo and aren’t so pompous in real life.