AIBU to feel hurt after my dad complained about Father’s Day?

[Petuniapet]

I will try to give a bit of context without rambling. I am in my early 30s and my Dad is in his late 50s. He lives alone and has done since he separated from my mum when I was 9. I am his only child. I have two young children of my own age 4 and 7 months.
To my knowledge, he has never tried to date. He lives a solitary lifestyle, seemingly by choice. He doesn't really have any friends: his closest friend and neighbour died about 5 years ago. He works full time and says he doesn't even really interact with his colleagues.

Now onto the problem where I'm wondering if IBU. For Father's day this year, I offered to make him dinner, as I do every year, and take him out. He usually accepts the dinner but not the day out as they're 'not his thing', same happened this year. Unfortunately, on the day, both DD and DH were ill with a stomach bug so I apologised and suggested we reschedule to the following weekend. He was non-comittal about this but agreed, then weekend comes and he says he is busy! I ask him when he is free he says he doesn't know and is being very shady about things. During a phone call that afternoon, he said that I don't really make an effort with him, he didn't even get a card on Father's day and he had to tell his brother (my uncle who I have nothing to do with) he'd had nothing and seen nobody. I repeated my apology about the illness but he continued to rant how he only lives 5 mins away but he never sees me. In hindsight I could have potentially popped his card around but I thought it'd be nicer to give it to him when I saw him the following weekend. I am usually the first to message him, I try to arrange things to do together but it is difficult as he can't eat many foods with gut issues he has, he doesn't really have any hobbies and he doesn't like going out with me and my DC as anywhere fun for them he says isn't his thing and he just seems bored.
AIBU? Am I missing something?

She’d prob be happy he suggested anything at all

Is the effort only ever on her? He sounds like he makes no effort with her or his grandchildren. She has suggested lots of things he would enjoy if you read her updates

I believe he did show up with some flowers for the garden for OP’s daughter. OP said they tried a gardening project together but he wouldn’t take on any of her ideas. There’s a common theme with the OP isn’t there? OP has all the ideas and suggestions and if he doesn’t want to do the things she wants then he’s the problem. In reality, to make a relationship work, compromise is a 2 way street.

Note that he didn’t show up with a Haynes Car Manual as a gift for OP’s daughter.

So glad you have everything resolved @Petuniapet.

Look after yourself, from experience your DF may badmouth you more as he gets older, don’t let pleasing your DF be your main motivator. You did offer the card on time and you did offer a day out. Frankly I’d be pissed off that he then bad mouthed me of if I were you.

When the dust settled a bit maybe start asking him about his retirement plans and what he’s thinking of doing to socialise and stay fit. Hopefully he will have thought of a couple of things.

His plans shouldn’t be you pandering to his ever increasing needs though. If he’s in his fifties you could have another 30 years plus with him.

God he sounds like an overgrown toddler. I cant believe anyone would vote that you're being unreasonable.

No wonder he's on his own if he wants and raves at the few people he has left. Its fine for him to feel disappointed but not to behave like this. Children get sick, that's life. Did he want a D&V bug for his father's day gift?

The only thing I would ask is it you're prone to rescheduling and have cancelled on him a few times? If not, then he's just being a prat and you've nothing to feel bad for. If he doesn't want to meet on another day then just ignore him.

There's so much misplaced sentimental bollocks on here, painting a picture of her poor lonely dad

It helps to see people fabricate these completely unreal narratives, it makes the tribal social training so obvious and that has really helped me when handling (choosing to not) my family.

Everyone here who is pettishly attacking the OP over and over again needs to get out more and to try to make friends in real life. It won’t be easy but you should try it.

You know it is possible to have a different viewpoint followed by an adult discussion without resorting to petty unsubstantiated insults don’t you? Perhaps you should give that a go @pikkumyy77?

I have rescheduled maybe three or four times in the last 4 years since I had my DD for sickness or illness.