To be annoyed at disruption in a theatre show?

[shouldwejust]

I appreciate that this is a nuanced topic, and that there possibly isn’t a right answer.

Recently I went to watch a show in the theatre that I had been looking forward to for months. The tickets were my birthday present and something I can’t usually afford, so definitely a one off treat.

Throughout the whole show, a man who had severe disabilities was shouting out and yelling. He didn’t stop at all and continuously made very loud and disruptive noises.

It completely took me out of the show, meant I struggled to concentrate and was just annoyed!

I fully appreciate that everyone in society has a right to enjoy things, and perhaps this man was looking forward to the show just as much as me! But, I don’t think that it’s fair that he disrupted the show for the entire rest of the audience who had also paid a lot to be there.

I don’t know what the solution is to be perfectly honest. That his carer removed him when he was being disruptive? That he attended one of the “autism friendly” screenings that are expected to have more disruption?

When I said this to my partner he was shocked and said that basically we should just accept that our show was ruined for his enjoyment, as that is being inclusive. I don’t feel that inclusivity should come at the cost of everyone else?

I appreciate that I may be told I am being unreasonable here but I’d like to hear other people’s opinions here

Lots of people say that people like my daughter should stay home actually.

I should know, it's been the last decade of my life.

Have look on the threads after the incident at the awards show too, there was plenty on there saying the same.

There is no general expectation of quiet in supermarkets, parks, theme parks, etc. Anyone going to these places knows it might be loud (babies crying, toddlers screaming, people with Tourette's, etc.)
So you are wrong to keep her away from these places. You need to encourage her to go out. (Not that I should be advising you how to raise your own daughter).

School should of course be making the required accommodations.

But, for theatre and cinema there is a general social expectation that everyone will be quiet, unless it is a special 'relaxed' performance. So your daughter should not attend standard cinema and theatre performances.
This is not unreasonable. These are just things she cannot join in with, in the same way that someone with limited mobility cannot go mountain hiking.

You do not move someone having a seizure, unless they are in immediate danger - like in a road etc. / move items away they could injure themselves on.

Do any of you actually know how often "relaxed performances" of theatre shows are actually put on? Maybe you should find out before making decisions about where and what the disabled can see. Autism friendly performances are not put on for all theatre shows and any that are put on only occur once a year sometimes every 2 years. Why should my disabled child only be allowed to go somewhere once a year or every 2 years due to their disability that is not their fault.

I didn't keep her away.

Other people's attitudes did.

Cheers for the parenting advice though, i didn't think to encourage her to go out 🤔

Oooh the eugenecists are out in force today. Why not just lock up disabled people out of sight where they can’t inconvenience anyone?

We need exclusive places clubs activities where we can be ourselves and receive understanding and relatability and proper tailored appropriate provision. . Inclusivity is just a buzzword ppl thrown around by ppl it does often not work in practice. I'd love my daughter to go to inclusive gymnastics class unfortunately they would not be able to manage her behaviour nor would the parents of other children be as inclusive as they'd like to think when some of her negative behaviours presented.

So do they make loud noises and disturb 99% of the rest of the audience?

Something not being fair, doesn’t mean someone can disturb everyone else. Not to mention the poor performers trying desperately to ignore the distraction.

Honestly, use a bit of common sense. Something that seems very much lacking in some people.

Disable people = acting up 😬

most people will appreciate different points of view. But they should be respectful, language is important to people’s dignity.

Contact theatre and demand your money back.

It would have been better to have eacted at the show by walking out and complainibg to front of house.

Other people, too, had the performance ruined.

Another person with selective reading abilities I see

I've always felt the same about tall people. I don't think people over say 6ft2 should be allowed to go to the cinema or theatre other than for special tall people showing where their height doesn't effect the people sitting behind them.

Maybe we should just lock away all people with disabilities so we don’t ruin the enjoyment of people lucky enough to be born without any?

This sort of absurd extrapolation does not help. No-one is suggesting that.

It is about looking at each unique disabled person, their needs and limitations, and matching them to the experiences and places they will enjoy without causing detriment to other people.
Each person, each event, on a case-by-case basis.
This is of course an entirely different thing to requiring companies to make straightforward alterations that are to no-ones detriment, such as ramps and lifts.

I agree.

I come back to my point upthread. As citizens, we all, disabled or not, have responsibilities to our fellows. To suggest that a disabled person is exempt from that responsibility is to patronise them.

I have mobility problems and have been looking at the multitude of wonderful open gardens around here. There are only about 10% that are accessible to me. Frustrating? .. yes. Do I expect everyone's gardens to be geared up to those with mobility problems? .. of course not. Part of the charm of these is their quirky ups and downs and no way would I want others to miss these just because I have to.

It is good that we have laws about access to public buildings and that venues are taking the needs of those with disabilities into account so much more (access, toilets, relaxed performances etc.). But the simple reality is that if like me you have a disability, you cannot always do everything you want to.

We encourage accessibility and support all efforts in that direction, but the world cannot be totally geared to every individual with their specific disabilities. There will be situations where people like me cannot always do what we would like. It is a fact of life.

I accept my responsibilities to others. I have to say that I have found people nothing but kind, helpful and supportive, but they might not be so if I were spoiling their enjoyment by not recognising my responsibility to them too.

It is not a "ableist" (I hate that word!) to want to buy a ticket and go to a theatre performance and enjoy it.

People with disabilities cannot do everything they might wish to ... sad, but there it is. I can say that because I have disabilities, but anyone else stating that truth would be in the soup!

I mind about the comfort of others ... having a disability does not remove that normal human principle from my mind.

But you and she have caved in to other people's attitudes, in places and situations where these other people were in the wrong?
If she was tic-ing in a supermarket and someone commented, did you / do you stand up to them and tell them they were out of order?

You need to stand up to the bigots and the ignorant in public places, but at the same time recognise that specifically quiet places or events like cinema and theatre are not suitable for her.

I am giving you this dead-obvious, patronising, and no doubt somewhat insulting advice because your posts here make it clear that you don't understand or don't accept this.

People don’t pay hundreds of pounds to listen to someone else making a racket, whether they intend to or not.

i would not take a toddler to such an event. Thry can’t help making noise. So because I’m not selfish, I don’t go and take a toddler with me.

FFS, come on.

I don't think it's about disabled people being an inconvenience. Being inconvenienced is fine, having to wait for the next bus with your child in a buggy or fold the buggy because a wheelchair user is on is an inconvenience, but you should do it without complaining because it doesn't really make much difference to your day.

Having to wait a few minutes longer in a ride queue because a disabled person went up the fast access route and got in first, is an inconvenience, but it doesn't really change your whole day out at the theme park.

Not being able to hear something which is DESIGNED for you to hear and you PAID to hear, is you being stopped doing something you wanted to do and paid to do. It's akin to the wheelchair user buying a ticket to the bus and then being told that that bus and all the services on that route were old fashioned and had steps. It makes the entire thing you paid for impossible for you to enjoy!

If your child's disability involves them making a lot of random noise, why should your child's presence prevent another disabled person with misophonia from being present?

There are other places your child can go than quiet live theatre, there are 3 cinemas in my area which have relaxed performances. There are pantos and other more rowdy performances. We aren't talking about you never being able to take her out.

Most people can't go to live theatre, it's expensive. For most people live theatre is an occasional treat.

And it is unfair to all of that majority if someone who is unable to remain quiet and still is taken to a place where there is a requirement for quiet and still to fully experience the performance that everyone has paid for.

Oh I can read, I just wanted you to clarify that you consider the behaviour of disabled people to be 'acting up'.

Sometimes, yes.

Not sure if it's their reading abilities that's the problem here.

Again, you aren’t reading my full post. People with all kinds of disabilities or no disability at all can ‘act up’. It is not exclusive to disabled people.

I would consider anyone of any ability/disability shouting in the middle of a theatre performance to be acting up.

Inclusivity means everyone can be themselves in spaces - not that we hide disabled people who experience and respond to things differently to the way ‘normal’ people do. Thats called segregation. And btw there are often no ‘autism friendly’ performances. Or there is one a year on a random Monday afternoon:

Dead obvious and patronising and insulting is absolutely correct. Yes.

It's the people who don't think she should be allowed to go to places that are the problem, not she or I.

This is why my over 6'2 DH and DS always try to sit in the back row at events, or otherwise check on the person behind them to make sure they can see, and move if they can't.

Because it's the polite, considerate thing to do.

Why is this unfair? Why does one person have any more right than another to enjoy theatre / show in a way that works best for them?

So why say anything about that poster saying you equate disabilities to acting up?

You do.

I think they'd probably be more comfortable segregated into the tall people showing.