To be annoyed at disruption in a theatre show?

[shouldwejust]

I appreciate that this is a nuanced topic, and that there possibly isn’t a right answer.

Recently I went to watch a show in the theatre that I had been looking forward to for months. The tickets were my birthday present and something I can’t usually afford, so definitely a one off treat.

Throughout the whole show, a man who had severe disabilities was shouting out and yelling. He didn’t stop at all and continuously made very loud and disruptive noises.

It completely took me out of the show, meant I struggled to concentrate and was just annoyed!

I fully appreciate that everyone in society has a right to enjoy things, and perhaps this man was looking forward to the show just as much as me! But, I don’t think that it’s fair that he disrupted the show for the entire rest of the audience who had also paid a lot to be there.

I don’t know what the solution is to be perfectly honest. That his carer removed him when he was being disruptive? That he attended one of the “autism friendly” screenings that are expected to have more disruption?

When I said this to my partner he was shocked and said that basically we should just accept that our show was ruined for his enjoyment, as that is being inclusive. I don’t feel that inclusivity should come at the cost of everyone else?

I appreciate that I may be told I am being unreasonable here but I’d like to hear other people’s opinions here

People who eat crisps and sweets in crinkly wrappers.

This should be a capital crime already.

Well my daughter, for example, has tourettes.

According to everyone everywhere she goes she shouldn't be there. School, supermarkets, parks, cinema, theme parks etc her tics always piss someone off.

This led to her being stuck in our home for 3 years because she was terrified to go out.

So overall I think you being pissed off for 2 hours is incomparable to her and people like her being indoors for eternity.

There a few musicals I could probably sing through single handedly. No one would thank me for doing so as a theatre audience member. People have paid to experience the performances of those on stage. It's not your living room and it's not on to behave as though it is and spoil it for others.

Oh I am in the real world. Thanks for checking.

That doesn't get you a pass.

I would like to see you try "remove the person " if I was there. Wind your neck in.

Inclusivity is all well and good but not everybody can do everything.
It’s not fair to spoil an event for hundreds of other people because of ‘inclusivity’.
The theatre and cinema are places where youneed to sit still and be quiet if you can’t do that then don’t go.
The theatre is expensive and a huge treat for many. We don’t all have easy access to the west end to see the ‘big’ shows. I would have said something in the interval at the very least as I would have been infuriated.
My daughter when her ADHD was bad couldn’t sit still or concentrate properly in the cinema -so we didn’t take her and spoil it for others.
We waited till it came on Sky and watched (whatever film) in tranches.

OP- I would ask for a refund or replacement tickets at some point in the future and plan another trip. If it’s a big show it will be on next year too. I’m so sorry your show was spoilt - disability isn’t an excuse to spoil somethimg for so many.

@WillThingsEverBeFergaliciousAgain I'll ask again seeing as you ignored me but replied to plenty of others. Re: inclusivity, should every performance have someone standing at the side of the stage to sign?

I think the underlying point is that adjustments have to be "reasonable". We don't expect English Heritage to drill holes in a medieval castle to put a lift in it or that we should flatten out all the footpaths so they were wheelchair accessible, or that aeroplanes shouldn't take off at an airshow because it would disturb someone who didn't like loud noises, or indeed that a concert should be done at half volume for the same reason.

It is reasonable to ask theatres to put on a performance or two (or indeed as many as there is demand for if they're as popular as someone described above) where disruption is expected and everyone knows what they have signed up for. It's not reasonable that every performance should be disrupted in that way.

I guess a semi-similar example might be exams. If someone needs to talk out loud or hum loudly or sing or pace up and down, it wouldn't be reasonable for them to do that in the main exam hall because that will distract everyone else and they deserve the chance to do their best. So instead we ask everyone to do their utmost not to do those things, even if it's difficult for them, and if that's not possible make a reasonable adjustment by offering them a separate room where they won't disturb others by doing that.

oh, sorry you must have something wrong with your eyes because I didn’t say I would try to remove them, I said I would ask staff to. If they didn’t I would get a refund and leave 😊 I hope that’s easier for you to read

They said ‘ask staff to remove that person’.
I would have been asking staff to do the same thing too. Not everything is suitable for every person.

So, should I have written an essay specifically referring to every single possible disability by name in my post?

I don't care whether anyone thinks it's unkind. There are places and situations where people just shouldn't go if they can't be quiet (for any reason), because it ruins the experience for everyone else. Asking that people be quiet in a theatre (or not attend if they can't keep quiet) is nothing like expecting they be locked up somewhere or otherwise mistreated. 🙄

No they are excluded on the basis of actions/behaviors which do not fit the setting.

I mean I could answer again or you could look at where I answered you at 13.32.

Yes, their disabilities.

If you knew he was disabled, you should try to be tolerant as the noise likely isn't down to simple bad behaviour.

However, if it was as bad as you say - to the extent of ruining the show, rather than being an occasional distraction - then maybe it was a misjudgement on the part of his carers. Again, not his fault so we can be tolerant.

Sometimes theatres run special "relaxed" performances of shows precisely for this reason, to offer an environment less strict on noise etc, to cater for patrons who may benefit from that, or feel more comfortable there. It is a good scheme for inclusion.

Or maybe the man was having a bad day somehow, meaning he was noisier than usual. We dont know, I guess we just have to put it down to experience and show tolerance / love for others.

I was at a very formal church service once and a young boy, there with his dad, kept shouting out and his dad would not react. I was annoyed at first but came to understand that this was some kind of involuntary noise / tick and then it didn't bother me at all and I barely noticed it then. Its interesting how perception can shape our responses and so our tolerance of others.

Another time, in the cinema the boy (age unknown, early teens?) behind me kept talking loudly, kicking my seat and putting constant pressure with his legs on my seat back, so that I was slightly pushed forward.

I put up with it for most of the film then eventually lost my temper, turned round and snapped at them. I snapped "is there something wrong with him?" meaning his behaviour as described, but then - turned around - it was obvious that he did have some kind of special needs and his mother was visibly crushed at my comment. I felt absolutely terrible about that for a long time, but found comfort in knowing it was not a true reflection of me.

YANBU, OP. I'd ask for a refund.

People shouldn't have the right to ruin everyone else's enjoyment, whatever their reason. Some things just aren't for everyone. Mountain climbing isn't for quadriplegics, pig hunting isn't for the blind, and places you have to be quiet aren't for people who can't be.

I'd expect a family with a crying baby/child to take them out, and equally, I'd expect someone who couldn't help shouting/yelling constantly to leave or be taken out. In their situation, I would leave rather than be the person who ruins the evening of everyone else in the theatre, and I'd accept that theatre trips just aren't for me (as it is, they're too much of an expensive luxury, so I don't go anyway).

I would like to know that too. What is an acceptable and unacceptable disability for going to theatre. This thread is full of the most ignorant and backward people it has been my misfortune to come across. Fortunately there is equality laws in place to protect the disabled from such vile individuals

Too global a term. Its basically a “thought ending cliche” here. Is a blind surgeon to be allowed to perform surgery because excluding him from the team is because of his disability?

No one is saying that people with ASD/ADHD /Tourettes etc should stay at home, but it's common courtesy that if you know you are going to shout out at the cinema/theatre then you go to a relaxed performance. Not sure why you find that difficult to understand.

What would your solution be to balance the needs of people with disabilities who can’t control their noise and people with disabilities who can’t cope with disruption?

Surely both are entitled to see a theatre production. But the first could go to a relaxed performance while the second could not.

I'd be furious OP. Theatre tickets are so expensive, and disruption is so disrespectful to the performers who have worked so hard to put the show together.

One thing is the man can't help it. Another is that those with the capacity to know his limits should not have put him in that situation.

Lots of people have answered this and said an unacceptable disability in their eyes, would be one that causes the person to be unable to remain quiet and undisruptive, in a setting where quiet is expected.

But what about where several disabilities? - someone is hard of hearing and struggles to hear the show even with a hearing aid, the disruption would make it harder for them. My ADHD - I would find the shouting incredibly uncomfortable and even distressing and wouldn't be able to stay.
Someone who is agoraphobic - should the whole theatre be cleared so this person can see the show?