To be annoyed at disruption in a theatre show?

[shouldwejust]

I appreciate that this is a nuanced topic, and that there possibly isn’t a right answer.

Recently I went to watch a show in the theatre that I had been looking forward to for months. The tickets were my birthday present and something I can’t usually afford, so definitely a one off treat.

Throughout the whole show, a man who had severe disabilities was shouting out and yelling. He didn’t stop at all and continuously made very loud and disruptive noises.

It completely took me out of the show, meant I struggled to concentrate and was just annoyed!

I fully appreciate that everyone in society has a right to enjoy things, and perhaps this man was looking forward to the show just as much as me! But, I don’t think that it’s fair that he disrupted the show for the entire rest of the audience who had also paid a lot to be there.

I don’t know what the solution is to be perfectly honest. That his carer removed him when he was being disruptive? That he attended one of the “autism friendly” screenings that are expected to have more disruption?

When I said this to my partner he was shocked and said that basically we should just accept that our show was ruined for his enjoyment, as that is being inclusive. I don’t feel that inclusivity should come at the cost of everyone else?

I appreciate that I may be told I am being unreasonable here but I’d like to hear other people’s opinions here

I have stated my case, I was just curious as to how far the segregation should go.

What are the acceptable and unacceptable disabilities?

YANBU. Anyone who is likely to involuntarily make a lot of noise during a show shouldn't be at a non-relaxed performance. I'd try to get a refund and spend it on a treat - meal at a posh restaurant etc.

I agree with this point

A refund is little comfort if this is a once in a lifetime thing for you to see this event, you travelled specifically for it and it was ruined. Yeah, you get your money back (or the person who bought the gift does) but your long awaited for experience was ruined. Thats a huge disappointment.

Money back may help you to travel back to see it?

Blimey. How incredibly disruptive. Talk about obtuse! Heres a great example of why theatres need to make it clear who the show is appropriate for. The theatre is for people who can sit quietly. DuH!

If this person isn't able to control their voice or movements, then the theatre isn't the right place for them. Absolutely not the person's fault, because they can't help how they are, but it is the fault of the people with that person, regardless if family or carers.

One person can't trump the enjoyment of the 100's of others also attending the performance and paid money.

Read the thread. It’s obvious.

But the person having a fit would be disrupting the show for everyone too.

Just trying to get which disabled people are allowed out to places and which aren't.

If it's so obvious could you name them please.

Which disabled people aren't allowed to be somewhere they will disturb others?

Everyone is welcome but if they start to act up and disrupt others then they need to leave. Whether that be disabled people, babies, young children, drunk adults or just downright rude people. It’s really that simple.

I perform in Am-drams, 2 shows a year. Last year we did a show in a raked theatre: for those that don’t know, this is a type of theatre where the seats start at stage level and graduate upwards. We use white spike tape to denote “stage” from audience leg space and they do not mix.
A disabled person, presumably with some sort of learning disorder was seated stage right, directly where there is a large pre-set throne and small table. This person had decided to use the table and dragged it across to his seat, and put drinks and snacks on it.
This was frustrating and 3 times we had false starts, with our stage crew having to remove the stuff off the table and drag it back.
Towards the end of the show, my job was to carry a fully loaded tray, turn sharply on one heel and then stand behind the throne, putting the tray on the table. Once again the table was missing, he had stuffed it NEXT to him, so it was actually up the raked steps.
Not only that, he had spilt sweets over the corner of the floor so when I went to turn, I wobbled on my heels and ended up throwing half the tray over the floor. Luckily, someone playing a “servant” saw what had happened and appeared with a broom and refilled my water glass, before the “king” actress came on stage.
He had been loud and screamed during the performance several times, laughed when something really horrific happened to our lead character and was generally disruptive, but just lack of etiquette from both him and the person he was sat with was beyond deplorable. I wouldn’t have minded if it were an autism friendly show, or if it had been “expected” that we had learning disability that close, but I only got informed about the table moving after the show, and therefore I had no idea that he had become obsessed with one of our set pieces.
incredibly frustrating on the actors behalf.

Being disabled = 'acting up'?

I think your extreme exaggeration doesn’t help the conversation at all.

As a mother, would you not be upset if your two sons were unable to stay at a performance due to sensory overload due to constant shouting?

I appreciate that your role as a parent is always to advocate for your children and to want the best world possible for them, but I think you must also surely know that not every situation in the world is suitable for everyone?

At no point did I suggest anyone should be “locked away” just that everyone should have an awareness for others and understand that some situations can’t be catered to one individual for the detriment for others.

The fact that you retort to insults shows a lot about you. I won’t be asking for anything to be deleted as everyone is entitled to an opinion, even if they are incredibly rude about it!

Really sorry that happened to you, it’s so frustrating when people work hard and it is ruined by others. That persons carers should be ashamed of themselves.

The behaviour is acting up, again (as I already said) that is not just for disabled people but others who may behave in an unacceptable manner. Can you read or are you deliberately being obtuse?

Thank you for sharing the perspective from a performer! I can completely understand how difficult this was and how stressful it must have been!

Oh I can read, I just wanted you to clarify that you consider the behaviour of disabled people to be 'acting up'.

You're not wrong OP. Inclusivity is great where possible but it isn't in every situation. In a theatre, for most shows, you need to be quiet. If you can't then I don't think its the place for you. Unfortunately there will always be activities that aren't fully inclusive, that is okay.

Sometimes, yes.

I’ve actually been to a gig where someone had a seizure. The concert was paused until the person could be attended to (they were taken away by paramedics) then restarted when the disruption had ended. Perhaps that would be your preferred solution here too?

People who make noise somewhere where, traditionally, one would expect quiet.

This also applies to people who can't stfu and keep asking what's happening.

People who loudly critique the acting.

People who eat crisps and sweets in crinkly wrappers.

I agree with these points. I particularly agree with the comment about the show also being disrupted for other disabled people. It’s not as simple as disabled people versus non disabled people. It’s about everyone being accommodated appropriately. Inclusion isn’t always about everyone being able to do the same thing at the same time. It’s about access to DO the thing. Sometimes that is easily accommodated along with everyone else. Sometimes it isn’t. My eldest son has ASD and ADHD. My partner has ADHD (and probably ASD.) Neither of them could sit through a performance peppered with unexpected and disruptive loud outbursts. My son in particular would find it physically painful and have to leave. It took years for us to gradually help him get used to ‘expected’ noise in films/concerts/theatre shows etc.

Those with an access card pay full price for their seat . It’s the carers who benefit from a free or discounted ticket. Different rules depending on which theatre. For example a LW theatre have a price cap so the highest level of price would not be open to the scheme.

I went to see Phantom for my recent special birthday. We were a family of 4 overall we paid the equivalent of 3 as we had our disabled daughter with us. She doesn’t make noise and was totally spellbound. I had the misfortune of sitting behind a woman who decided the occasion needed her hair to be styled in a tall up do with flamboyant scarf tied in a bow. I draw the short straw on that one. Just had to sit at an angle to see round it. Bit of a dick move on her part but I couldn’t say anything to her could I?

I agree with the OP partner. The disabled man had just as much right to be there. OP was unreasonable not to deal with it at the time. She could have asked to be moved or ask for a refund. She didn’t, she chose to whinge on mumsnet instead

Unless you attended a ‘relaxed show’, then I don’t think you were being unreasonable to feel cheesed off. Regardless of who they are, if they were disrupting the show, then they should have left. I would feel the same way as you.

I think this is my point really. Not every single thing can be inclusive, and as much as that can seem unfair, it’s impossible to make everything accessible and open to absolutely everyone