How can I divide my estate fairly between daughters and grandchildren?

[Ilikesundays]

Would really appreciate your views! I’m in my 80s and have three dds and 7 gcs. All are over 20. Two dds are married: one has 3 DCs and one has 4. Youngest dd is unmarried and has no children. I want to make my will and be fair to all of them. I was thinking of leaving all my property (f/h house, no mortgage in London + fairly substantial savings) to the gcs + the unmarried dd and nothing to the two married DDs. But on reflection this seems very harsh and unfair to them . How would you manage it? They are all working, bar two gcs who are still studying p/g.

I can only tell you how I feel. I have one sibling. He has one child. I have none. My parents have left the grandchild 5% of their estate, remainder split between me and my sibling. However much I would never, ever tell my parents how I feel, I’m deeply hurt at an instinctive , irrational level. They don’t hear from this kid or her parents from one year end to another (literally, they come to the UK for Christmas, radio silence the rest of the year). I know it’s crazy, I should (if resenting anything at all) resent my sibling for having no caring responsibilities and being an equal beneficiary, but somehow that 5% really grinds my gears. Their money, their choice, but that doesn’t invalidate the seven year old me saying “but you always said you’d treat us just the same…”

and before someone snarks about “but you ARE both being treated the same”, well it doesn’t feel like that.

i guess all I’m trying to say is what many others already have. Leave your estate to your children on an equal split. They can always agree a variation of the will if they feel some of them should have more, but you yourself will have treated them equally. To me, that would be priceless 😢.

3 ways between daughters, possibly with a token amount to grandchildren.

Don't take their personal circumstances into account at all. These are not fixed. Someone could lose their partner or fall ill, someone else could lose their home. Keep it simple, keep it mainly to your daughters and they can pass on whatever they feel is appropriate and can spare to GC.

Write it so that if one of your daughters dies before you, her share still goes to her children, if any.

Split it between your daughters in thirds. Split their shares further if you want, or express a wish for your grandchildren. Don’t leave resentment between sisters after you die.

Leave everyone involved a physical item if it would help.

I would leave a token amount to each grandchild as a gesture, but split the bulk of the estate equally between your three DCs. It is up to them to decide which of their children inherits.

Why would your DC without kids receive so much less just because her sisters decided to have children?

Why would you not give to the married daughters?

I’m one of two. I have a child and my sister does not. I’d feel it unfair if our parent left 1/3 each. It should be split equally between us two and my child can have a share of mine from me.
Why should my sister get less because she couldn’t have kids?

If you want those 2 left nothing to feel like they don’t matter forever, crack on. I’d personally leave it to my DC equally. GC maybe a token amount. Their inheritance will come later. Do not leave out some children.

Divide between your 3 children. They can gift amounts they want to their own children.

Leave equal shares to your children. It’s up to them to leave money to their children, your grandchildren. That is so much fairer than trying to spread it out between your children and grandchildren.

I think I was influenced by my own mother who set up trust funds for each of her great-grandchildren (my grandchildren) and left nothing to my children. I was an only child so inherited the residue of her estate when she died. But I quite agree it’s unfair to distinguish between the generations. I will try and give them all as much as I can afford while I’m still alive and leave what’s left as you suggest!

You have three children- so split everything equally between your three daughters.
that is the only way to avoid conflict and resentment.
they can each then gift money or will money to their own children.

I agree with this - I would divide equally between your 3 daughters. The grandchildren will get their inheritance from their own parents when the time comes.

Thank you all for your really useful suggestions!

Divide your estate in to 4, a 1/4 each to daughters and 1/4 between your DGC as a token amount. I don’t think you should skip your daughters in favour for you DGC

Leave to your DC with token amounts to each GC. I know lots of families with an unexpected late arrival GC, would be very unfair to them if their siblings/ cousins all had a substantial inheritance and they had nothing.

Divide inheritance equally between your children.

Gift grandchildren more personal items eg jewellery but no financial gains - give that to your children.

Divide it equally between your daughters and then a small but meaningful amount to the grandchildren.
That's worked in our family

Another vote for a three-way split between daughters. Anything else is unfair

Split between the three daughters but with equal sized cash gifts to each grandchild, that’s the only way to avoid and ill feeling once you’re gone. Is the third daughter likely to leave her share to her nephews and nieces?

Leave your estate divided equally between your 3 daughters.

The ones who are parents will pass their share down in turn, or may give it straight away.

Your daughter with no children does not deserve to see bigger shares go to her sisters’ families.

Just split it equally between your three DD, anything else is unfair. It's irrelevant how wealthy each of them is individually.

My DM died recently and me and my siblings got an even split of her estate despite them both being much better off financially than me. I wouldn't have expected or wanted anything else.

One of my siblings passed her share onto their DC as they didn't really need it. Your DD have the option to do that if they want.

it is far more helpful for a young adult to receive money now, than wait until they’re much older.

More likely to spend it on care in later life without any family help.

Given there are unlikely to be any further grandchildren, I think splitting into 4 with 1/4 to each daughter and the remaining 1/4 split between the grandchildren sounds like a fair option. Or if you think the grandchildren would benefit more than the married with DC daughters then maybe 1/4 to unmarried DD, 1/8 to each of the married DD''s and remaining 1/2 split equally among the grandchildren.

split into thirds. 33% to each daughter.

It’s the fairest way.