AIBU to take the children flying/on city break while my husband is away?

[FlyOrNotToFly]

My DH is scared of flying. Im gonna sound like a cow but sometimes he seems v scared and causes a big fuss and demands all sorts from me to support him. But he also has been known to fly with his mates with seemingly no fuss

He's going on a stag do and a break in mid August with friends.

My kids love theatre. They have never flown anywhere as husband prefers ferry and we only ever go to france.

I thought while he's away, me and the kids could fly to Edinburgh *we live in SE and go to Edin festival for 3 days. See the castle (my boy loves that kind of thing. Kids are primary school age

Husband saying im being unfair because he will be distracted while on his holiday with anxiety as the thouught of us flying and going on a break alone. He somehow manages to derail our plans. And often says anxiety but as i say, he doesnt have anxiety when he wants to his own thing!

Should I be more understanding? I think it will be a fun little trip and flying will be part of the adventure.

I would avoid talking about it to him - because he'll only try to make it all about him and his misery. Talk to your kids or your parents or your friends and don't allow him to limit you or your kids lives any more.

I can't see where op says her husband is flying on this particular stag do (domestic stag dos are available)! However it seems that he will fly with his mates rather then miss out but ensures familiy holidays are by ferry, thus limiting experiences for ops and disabled. The suggestion that he would have anxiety aboit you flying whilst his feet are on terra firma is ridiculous l.Therefore YANBU

I would definitely take them away. Edinburgh fridge with primary schoolers wouldn’t be my pick but I haven’t researched it to be fair.

And I would be picking flying family holidays from now on. If he can fly with mates he can fly with you. He sounds controlling.

Id go but not tell him till I'm back and you can justify it by saying you didnt want to ruin his trip by causing him anxiety. If he kicks off then you will know its more of a controlling issue.

They are not going off leaving him but planning something they would enjoy and he wouldn't whilst he is already away

Late to this but I’m a massive fan at playing people at their own games.

“I’m so glad you feel an able to be honest with me that you don’t want to go because your anxiety over it will ruin your time away. Because I’ve been meaning to bring you the same about you going to the stag do. Ag least we can both agree not to go based on the same feelings”

Then silence whilst he tries to figure out a way to say you’re feelings are not as valid as his and get out of cancelling 😂

I would be going happily and looking at an October holiday in the sunshine....

Have a fantastic time

That’s precisely what he’s doing! He’s going away on a stag do with his friends.

Why do people keep referring to Edinburgh Fringe? The OP hadn’t specified - maybe she’s taking them to parts of the not at all fringe International festival?

She says in the OP she is coming to edinburgh in august for 3 days for the fringe.

I didn’t love the fringe with a baby in a buggy but it’s been super fun since that age. I take my kids to lots of shows - particularly my daughter, she loves all of it. My son a bit less so but he loves the street food / jugglers / a few silly shows etc.

Have I missed that? In her OP she says going to Edin fest for 3 days? There’s more to the festival than just the Fringe.

What a dick. I can fly to go away with friends but anything else triggers anxiety? Bollocks it does.

it is not being dismissive of his anxiety to refuse to let him control you.
’I’d say I think it’s important for your family that you get therapy and sort this, because it is unacceptable that you can fly with your friends but your family can’t even fly without you. We will be flying regularly from now on and you can come or not come but you cannot derail, criticise, try and stop us, or come and make it all about you. This is your responsibility, we are going to have a great time, if that spoils your time then you need to get help. Make sure you tell the therapist you can fly when it’s with friends; it’s just your family that you use your phobia to control

Zero tolerance for selfish dickheads, make sure your kids know that this is on dad. If he guilts them I’d ask him to leave.

He meant I will make your life difficult if you dare to defy me.
Exh demanded I never get a tattoo.
When I did he told me he could never sleep with a tattooed woman.
Win fucking win.
Ltb soon after.

He is the one being unreasonable. Selfish prick !

Your DH sounds like prize tosser.

Great, brilliant! If he’s going to be that pissy about it just keep in touch via WhatsApp/instagram/FB as at least that’ll keep his little mind at rest knowing you’ve survived an ahem short flight.

Perhaps OP could bring him to Scotland next year for the Highland Games and introduce tossing her DH rather than a caber.

Every time he moans about anxiety being triggered, ask him whether he's made an appointment to see the doctor about it. Having anxiety that enables you to stop your family doing something but doesn't require treatment is incredibly convenient for some people.

Is he flying to this stag do OP?

This is the answer. It's his problem and it's not up to you to cater to his problem, especially when it sounds more like a way of controlling you than genuine anxiety. If he was afraid of flying, he wouldn't be flying, not preventing you from taking the kids somewhere fun while he's off on a drunken stag party.

A simple have you made an appointment to be seen? You should do that. when he brings up his anxiety or blames you for triggering it.

Where is this stag go? Is it in a city known for its sex trade?

Encourage him to look at this as a growth opportunity for everyone. You and the kids can get yourselves to and from Edinburgh and have fun. He can bravely go off with his mates, courageously managing his anxiety.

Everyone will be so proud of themselves, especially him. What a brave boy he will be

He sounds somewhat controllng…

He'll fly with his mates, but not with you and your kids, and also wants to stop you and the kids from flying without him?

Yeah, he's not scared. He's controlling. Massively.