AIBU to take the children flying/on city break while my husband is away?

[FlyOrNotToFly]

My DH is scared of flying. Im gonna sound like a cow but sometimes he seems v scared and causes a big fuss and demands all sorts from me to support him. But he also has been known to fly with his mates with seemingly no fuss

He's going on a stag do and a break in mid August with friends.

My kids love theatre. They have never flown anywhere as husband prefers ferry and we only ever go to france.

I thought while he's away, me and the kids could fly to Edinburgh *we live in SE and go to Edin festival for 3 days. See the castle (my boy loves that kind of thing. Kids are primary school age

Husband saying im being unfair because he will be distracted while on his holiday with anxiety as the thouught of us flying and going on a break alone. He somehow manages to derail our plans. And often says anxiety but as i say, he doesnt have anxiety when he wants to his own thing!

Should I be more understanding? I think it will be a fun little trip and flying will be part of the adventure.

You've priced it up and it really is a good price so now just put in your card number and book it.

You and your kids will have a great time, you are giving them the gift of flying something which is wonderful and opens up the world to them.

Do not let your husband's fears stop you all from experiencing different countries.

He can and does fly, it is possible to have anxiety around flying and still fly and my own DH is similar, he never flew till he met me as his mother had a fear of flying so only caravan holidays at home for their whole childhood whereas we flew every year and I couldn't understand his fears but they're there and I make sure he takes some meds before travelling. My dh has done some breaks with friends after we married, I too couldn't understand how he was able to, why he didn't take any meds, but then I worked it out that when with friends flying they all drink at airport and on plane so that is something that masks anxiety too. I guess only people with this fear understand.

Tell your DH that you'll keep in contact, you'll all be fine and just reassure him that millions of flights take off and land daily. Tell him you understand his anxiety but you need to do this for your children.

It's his responsibility to manage his own anxiety. It's not yours or your children's job to limit your opportunities and activities to make him feel better. Don't go down that road. It sounds like his anxiety is selective if he can fly with his mates for a stag do!

Just tell him to stop. He’s going away so you are going away end of discussion. I would also tell him him that it’s wrong for him to slow his anxiety to impact of what his kids and you do

Def go
then book a proper holiday away for all the family whether he fancies it or not

Do it. You can tell him you understand how he feels, however it’s important for your children to have life experiences.

Then go - those are surprisingly good prices!

Does the airline require passports + do you have them for the kids+ you)?

What’s he said when you’ve pointed out he’s flown before when convenient to him and his plans?

This sounds like excellent motivation for him to seek help for his "anxiety" and I'm sure the "exposure therapy" (IE you and the kids jaunting off to have normal holidays more often) will also be very helpful for his mental health.

Unless he just wants to keep being a twat, in which case you should definitely take the kids away more often.

Either way, YANBU and I hope you have a lovely time without him clogging up your fun and making himself the centre of attention like a stroppy toddler.

Domestic flight, doubt passports would be needed. Just photo ID for Mum probably.

It sounds like he's just trying to find a reason to control you, so book the flights, have a good time and think about whether you want to stay with someone like that

Is he a bad father in other ways? Because trying to stop his kids having a lovely break sounds incredibly controlling

Some domestic flights require passports rather than photo ID, which is why I've asked specifically and OP should check.

I've seen people disappointed at Edinburgh Airport before.

I have an anxiety disorder and that is nobody else's problem but my own your husband is being selfish

If op goes to France with family (via ferry) she should have passports for family already.

Id be telling him to fuck right off.

He can fly for his mates, even though he's scared?

Fuck him

Id be going everywhere and leave him behind.

What a selfish prick. Definitely go, the kids will love it.

I’m terrified of flying. But that’s my issue, my son is going abroad with school and flying, and he is really excited. I will be worried for him, but no way would I stop him having that opportunity or show him I’m worried.

Tell him you’re going away to distract yourself from the anxiety of him flying all on his own. That you wouldn’t be able to concentrate properly at home as you’d constantly be on edge worrying about him, and that wouldn’t be fair on the children, so you’re going away for some distraction.

Tell him if he’s really upset about it, the best thing to do would be for him to cancel his trip and you can all stay home together, then nobody would have any cause to be worried.

I have a friend whose husband is so anxious on flights he cant help with the 3 young children because he has to get drunk to cope, live abroad so long hauln3 times a year. Pops off to other gulf countries for rugby and boys weekends just fine though. Last long flight, she randomly got upgraded on her own. I am so grateful to whoever did that 😀

Tell him you're going away to distract you from your anxiety about him going away. Play the selfish manchild at his own game.

I would be rethinking a relationship where my children's father had a habit of sabotaging their opportunities to do something they love. That is not a good father.

Absolutely this @FlyOrNotToFly

Presumably this isn't the only thing he's curtailed you doing over the years due to his "anxiety" ? I don't mean making you get the ferry as he is too anxious to fly but I mean things he has asked you and your DC not to do because he would be too anxious? Why is his anxiety holding you and your DC back, especially in this instance when he isn't even at home?

Whether he actually suffers from anxiety or not is a huge question (is he diagnosed / medicated / in therapy?) but either way he seems to be using it to control you which is very concerning.

Is he controlling in other ways @FlyOrNotToFly ? How is he with money? With you going out without him? Does he support your friendships and your career / job?

Selfish man. Have a great time, your kids will love it.

this is definitely not based on the anxiety about you flying. If it was, he would likely suggest you three got the train to Edinburgh, He 100% does not want you to go and have fun without him. Meanwhile, he’ll go on his stag do and enjoy himself….

as for him flying when with mates ?? Is it alcohol fuelled ? Prick

I can’t get over how one Parent couldn’t be glad the other Parent was taking their children out to do something enriching and education educational.

Phobia and fears are real. I get how disabling the anxiety is however there are things you can do about it. There are courses you can take to reduce the fear of flying. Is he doing anything to help himself?

You said you give him meds does this mean you go to the doctor and get them for him or does he see a doctor himself? I believe they’re pretty reluctant to prescribe things like diazepam for flying these days.

Just because someone has anxiety doesn't mean it isn't selfish. You shouldn't have to limit yours and your children's life to acquiesce to some irrational fear that he has.

Definitely go. My DB is terrified of flying but DSIL regularly takes DNS on holiday and he stays home and sucks it up.

Your DH sounds manipulative and controlling to me.