AIBU to take the children flying/on city break while my husband is away?

[FlyOrNotToFly]

My DH is scared of flying. Im gonna sound like a cow but sometimes he seems v scared and causes a big fuss and demands all sorts from me to support him. But he also has been known to fly with his mates with seemingly no fuss

He's going on a stag do and a break in mid August with friends.

My kids love theatre. They have never flown anywhere as husband prefers ferry and we only ever go to france.

I thought while he's away, me and the kids could fly to Edinburgh *we live in SE and go to Edin festival for 3 days. See the castle (my boy loves that kind of thing. Kids are primary school age

Husband saying im being unfair because he will be distracted while on his holiday with anxiety as the thouught of us flying and going on a break alone. He somehow manages to derail our plans. And often says anxiety but as i say, he doesnt have anxiety when he wants to his own thing!

Should I be more understanding? I think it will be a fun little trip and flying will be part of the adventure.

No. What a dick. Feels like that’s quite controlling and if he’s still flying with other people but not you, then why is he being a huge baby when you are around? Sorry, that’s rubbish behaviour on his part. I’d be annoyed and definitely go without him.

Let him be distracted... his selfishness (it's not anxiety if he can get on a plane for a lads weekend but not a family holiday) should NOT hinder your kids lives.

Honestly he has some cheek.

Selfish bastard. Go and have fun. Let him worry.

Wait so his anxiety doesn’t apply to himself (you say he’s flown with pals before) but does apply to you guys…

sounds rather controlling to me!

In fact book another half term break for just you and the kids flying to CDG in Paris.

He was stood in the kitchen and said "its going to be very difficult for me if you go and that's hugely unfair on me"

So focussed on himself! He knows the kids would be really excited to go! Doesn't even mention it.

But i dont want to be dismissive of anxiety but feels v frustrating that we cant make a fun plan without him

Goodness, he’s unbelievably selfish isn’t he?

OF COURSE go to the festival.

it’s actually quite concerning that you have just written ‘my husband will be out having fun for a few days but says that we can’t’ and asked if it’s ok if you have fun too.

So his kids miss out, due to his ‘when convenient’ anxiety. Selfish.

Agree with others. You can go without him. Although..... do you have someone to stay with as surely it's very busy at that time?

I can’t ever imagine thinking it’s reasonable that my kids should miss out on something they would love because I can’t go.

Say that’s twice you’ve said me there. Then just go.

He’s guilt tripping you. If it wasn’t anxiety about flying it’d be something else. GO!

Tell him "that sounds like a you problem"

He doesn't get to make you stay home waiting for him

Have you been to the Festival before?

It’s a great idea, Isn’t it a bit late for planning this? Accommodation (& flights) a bit pricey at this stage.

He should realise that his anxiety has led to you and the kids missing out, and be happy for you to go, support you in doing so, and contribute towards the kids getting an enthusiastic anticipation of the trip.

”Well if you don’t like it darling you’re welcome to serve divorce papers.”

Selfish fucker. Wants to keep you and DCs caged but happy to fly to wherever if he fancies it.

He is being ridiculous. If he gets anxious then that is his problem and not yours. Why should you and your DCs have to stay at home while he is away enjoying himself on a stag do? And if he does get anxious then it's not as if you'll be 'distracting him' from a super crucial and vital job he's doing - he'll just be getting drunk with his mates.

Go! Have fun with your DC. Sounds like a great trip!

This. If you're in SE why don't you take them to a show in London, or locally.

But otherwise no YWNBU. Is he flying to the stag do?

Sounds like very selective anxiety

Go, have fun with your children. What he is doing is emotional manipulation- whether he intends to or not

Because that's not the same really...

Im not much of a planner to be honest. Just felt we could do something fun for a few days given im on leave to look after the kids. But flights are £50 each and I've got a lovely Airbnb for £500 for the 3 of us. It's not in the middle of the city but we will get taxis about. It's only 3 days.

The nerve of that controlling asshat.

He can go away on a stag thing but you can't take the kids to the Fringe or whatever?

Fuck that.

He isn't scared of flying. He just doesn't want to fly anywhere with you and the kids. He also doesn't want you and the kids having a good time.

What jobs does he have on a foreign bender that require undrunken attention? Strippers?

Come on.

Please go! You’ll have so much fun. And you’ll regret it if you don’t go and sit at home seething at your DH with bored kids. Plus perfect history lesson for them with castle and everything there plus culture with the festival so win win for them.

Go on your holiday. I am dubious as to the genuineness of his anxiety. If he can actually fly with other people.

Does he do anything else controlling? Have you looked up resources on controlling and coercive behaviour?