AIBU to take the children flying/on city break while my husband is away?

[FlyOrNotToFly]

My DH is scared of flying. Im gonna sound like a cow but sometimes he seems v scared and causes a big fuss and demands all sorts from me to support him. But he also has been known to fly with his mates with seemingly no fuss

He's going on a stag do and a break in mid August with friends.

My kids love theatre. They have never flown anywhere as husband prefers ferry and we only ever go to france.

I thought while he's away, me and the kids could fly to Edinburgh *we live in SE and go to Edin festival for 3 days. See the castle (my boy loves that kind of thing. Kids are primary school age

Husband saying im being unfair because he will be distracted while on his holiday with anxiety as the thouught of us flying and going on a break alone. He somehow manages to derail our plans. And often says anxiety but as i say, he doesnt have anxiety when he wants to his own thing!

Should I be more understanding? I think it will be a fun little trip and flying will be part of the adventure.

his anxiety, his problem. Sounds less like anxiety than his anxiety had become displaced into controlling behaviour.

Tell him to go to the doctor about his alleged anxiety, and book him onto one of

Have you got worries about other controlling behaviour in your relationship?

Definitely do it. Just don’t mention it to him and then he doesn’t have to get anxious. He can hear all about it when you’re back.

Don’t let him control what you do when he’s away.

His anxiety only happens when it’s something to do, and somewhere to go with his family…….convenient really

Would he be fine if you got the train up?! 🧐 or actually is it not about the flying at all but about the doing something he can’t control?

It’s very controlling. He is using his ‘anxiety’ (which doesn’t apply when he’s with his mates) to keep you at home with the kids.
ypu need to go, without guilt. He will try to make you feel awful about it. The way to handle it is to not get into a discussion, say breezily ‘well John it’s not really reasonable for us to sit at home while you go away with your mates is it - and best get a doc recommendation for your anxiety because really John this is not normal is it.’ Then go, have a brilliant time, and message rather than speak to him (because he’ll try to make you and the r kids feel even more guilty…)

Flying yes, but not a journey that should be done by train. Have a lovely time with your DC whatever you choose.

his anxiety isnt stopping him going on a stag weekend when (no offence) but he probably wont even think about you and the kids but he wants to stop you going away. Selfish!! While you're away lodge the divorce papers.

Do it! He’s a dick.

You know that behaviour is illegal now right ?
Get yourself away and reconsider your future imo.

He is an arsehole and a controlling one at that, he can wrap it up as "caring" or "worrying" but he is manipulative.
Go on your trip you and your kids deserve a relaxed fun time.

When he mentions the stag so he’s flying off to next month? “its going to be very difficult for me if you go and that's hugely unfair on me"

such selfishness.

of course you should take the kids and have an awesome time without him. You totally deserve this. Enjoy

This!

I’d be booking whether he liked it or not, his anxiety is his issue to deal with and can’t be allowing it to impact on you or the children, apart from that the Edinburgh Festival if fabulous. What a shame the children can only go places he ‘approves’ of, there’s so many beautiful countries to experience in the world. How very odd he manages to go away with his pals and not get anxious!

Please don’t allow his on/off anxiety re flying stop you and your dc having a wonderful experience in Edinburgh, that’s so unfair! Have you raised how weird it is that when he flies with mates, he’s suddenly ok?! Is he controlling in other ways?

I have known a few people like this. Always wrapped up in ‘it’s just that I love you so much’ but it’s actually about control. They are very self absorbed and don’t really see their partners and children as actual human beings, more as accessories in their own life.

im sorry op, i think as you haven’t responded this has all come as a shock to you. Take some time to think about other controlling things he possibly does.

I'm not going to add to the comments about his selfishness and, I think, dishonesty about his anxiety (that he can fly to a trip with friends but not with you). Just go. If he keeps making it difficult remind him of all the other dangers that he isn't anxious about, like road accidents.

What I did want to say is, that unless Edinburgh has changed a lot in recent years, you might find you won't need taxis to get around. There is a good bus service and once you are in the centre the tourist buses will take you everywhere you might want to go. As I recall you buy a ticket and can hop on and off at any attraction whenever you want.

Also (as I recall) there is an system of underground passageways where they have ghostly tours, which is something that might keep you all entertained one evening. You might want to check the minimum age thought

Public transport is very good in Edinburgh and once you are in city centre it is walkable,

Primary school age is an absolutely perfect time to take children to the Edinburgh Festival! Particularly if they’re keen on theatre and visual history. So much street theatre as well as the shows you’ve paid to see. I’ve taken children at around 10 years old and it’s a truly wonderful experience.

Do be sure take them here. The photo doesn’t do it justice - there are always children running all over the landscape - and of course both galleries are breathtaking and fun.

https://www.nationalgalleries.org/art-and-artists/63131

And as for your partner - if you tolerate this controlling streak now, he will still be trying to limit your children’s lives as they’re choosing universities and wedding venues … And your life will gave been a misery.

He’s a twat. I take my kids abroad when DH is deployed, he wouldn’t dream of asking me not to.

Never got to the bottom of why my DH won't fly (except long haul)......so I fly with the children (and other adults) or on my own if needed. I am disabled, which adds another layer of complexity.
Basically your DH has to deal with your issues and you do what your need to do for you and the children. His behaviour and reasoning is out of order!

I’ve never heard something so ridiculous. You can’t do something because of his anxieties yet they miraculously disappear when he wants to do something? How controlling and selfish is that?

Just go. Consider whether you want to come back.

He was stood in the kitchen and said "its going to be very difficult for me if you go and that's hugely unfair on me"

As someone said above, this is a him problem, not a you problem.

He doesn't get to make it a you problem. Tell him "Not my problem".