Dh has announced his retirement date and I feel irritated by it

[PerfectTiming1]

DH has been talking about retiring for a few years. He has just told me when he would like to finish work and it coincides with our youngest starting secondary.
I feel a bit irritated by this timing. I was a sahm to our DC until youngest started school. I got a job that allowed flexibility and I did all school admin. Concerts. Assemblies. Sports Days etc.
It just feels a bit… convenient. Like he has waited until the DC need (significantly) less support to then be available. AIBU?

Are you frightened of him, OP? Yes, just tell him. Do you think he’s sat there worrying what you will say if he asks you to book a dentist appointment for your son? You say, ‘you’re not retiring, you’re being a sahd, parenting doesn’t stop just because you turned 55, you knew when we had DS that you’d be 55 when he turned 11 and now here we are’. Make it clear that you are taking on the role that he did when he was working and you were more flexible. You even still had a job then and he doesn’t now so it’ll be far easier for him. His age is irrelevant other than the fact that he gets his work pension to cover the costs your inheritance did for you. If he could manage his professional job for 30+ years and everything that entailed without needing to be micromanaged then he can manage this.

Exactly, there’s millions of dads to 11 year olds in their 30s. Does he think they get to all go off and golf all day and pretend they’re a single man with no responsibilities? Until his child is an adult, he needs to provide for him. He doesn’t get to opt out of being a dad based on his own age when he still has a child to care for.

So he’s got the time to take over the house work, food shop and dinner prep then.
His hobbies can work around that …

I'm saying this with love. He took your inheritence money to pay your "50"%. Girl you paid for the privilege of being everyone's slave. He needs to step up now and take care of everything so you can get that back. He isn't going to relax or have time for new hobbies because he's going to have a house to run. I can't believe you were manipulated into giving that money away like that.

In my view marriage is similar to a triangle: The baseline is how everything works financially and who does the family stuff and household duties. Each partner contributes what they are able to keep the triangle stable. If one partner does not pull their weight in whatever way then then the whole falls apart. This does not mean that contributions do not shift over time.

Therefore the whole structure needs to rebalance.