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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to reconsider a long friendship after my bridesmaid's behaviour?

152 replies

YourDaringWriter · 03/07/2026 20:40

So I got married recently and it was wonderful. We had a fabulous day and everyone said they had a great time.
However I was quite upset with one of my bridesmaids (whom I have been friends with for 17 years) and feel our relationship has been unequal for some time.
I paid for everything for the wedding - the hair and make up, the dresses, I gave them all a pair of sapphire earrings they could wear and keep. I paid for her room the night before as she had to travel. My hen do was just an afternoon tea so was inexpensive. She gave me £30 as a gift. Our financial circumstances are similar and I gave her £75 when she got married five years ago so even though it was my choice to pay for those things I feel she is taking the p*ss. We live around 150 miles apart and yet I nearly always do the travelling, when we went on a holiday she took almost six months to pay me back for some of the costs, when I had a child she never asked to visit or meet them. I always the one arranging dates for meet ups and a few times she has flaked last minute. For a couple years I bought her gifts and a card for her birthday and received nothing back so I stopped. On my wedding day she was 25 weeks pregnant and said “well now I’m going to have two children I won’t be able to go anywhere,” very much suggesting travelling once again would be all on me. At this stage I feel like cutting her off. It’s definitely not all pecuniary but I feel like the gift (which was less than literally every other guest) is the straw that broke the camel’s back. Should I cut her off?

OP posts:
YourDaringWriter · Today 08:52

meganorks · Today 03:38

Reading your original post, the focus on the 30 quid seemed odd as that doesn't really seem to be the problem. Its the lack of effort in the friendship. I've read the updates though and I get it. But I can't believe you asked her to be bridesmaid after her comment about your wedding gift though! When/where/how did she say that?!

Regarding the friendship, by the sound of it, if you stop making the effort it will fizzle out anyway. So just do that.

Thanks for reading. It’s been a lot. Never knew people bothered to respond so much. Was more just having a rant to myself 😆.

To me at the time the comment was said in jest when we were together opening some cards but now it hits differently.

And I felt the choice was bridesmaid or no invite. The only other person she knew was one of my other bridesmaids so it would have been awkward for her to travel etc and sit on her own, not be involved, and not know anyone else. Maybe if I’d not made her a bridesmaid, she just wouldn’t have come, maybe that would have been better.

OP posts:
Luckylu123 · Today 09:23

I don’t understand completely cutting her off If you still enjoy her company. just match her energy. Don’t put yourself out there so much. If she doesn’t reach out to you the relationship will naturally fizzle. No need to make a formal decision

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