AIBU to reconsider a long friendship after my bridesmaid's behaviour?

[YourDaringWriter]

So I got married recently and it was wonderful. We had a fabulous day and everyone said they had a great time.
However I was quite upset with one of my bridesmaids (whom I have been friends with for 17 years) and feel our relationship has been unequal for some time.
I paid for everything for the wedding - the hair and make up, the dresses, I gave them all a pair of sapphire earrings they could wear and keep. I paid for her room the night before as she had to travel. My hen do was just an afternoon tea so was inexpensive. She gave me £30 as a gift. Our financial circumstances are similar and I gave her £75 when she got married five years ago so even though it was my choice to pay for those things I feel she is taking the p*ss. We live around 150 miles apart and yet I nearly always do the travelling, when we went on a holiday she took almost six months to pay me back for some of the costs, when I had a child she never asked to visit or meet them. I always the one arranging dates for meet ups and a few times she has flaked last minute. For a couple years I bought her gifts and a card for her birthday and received nothing back so I stopped. On my wedding day she was 25 weeks pregnant and said “well now I’m going to have two children I won’t be able to go anywhere,” very much suggesting travelling once again would be all on me. At this stage I feel like cutting her off. It’s definitely not all pecuniary but I feel like the gift (which was less than literally every other guest) is the straw that broke the camel’s back. Should I cut her off?

Is this what friendship is really about?

Exactly. I have no memory of what my friends bought me for my wedding. It’s just not what’s important to me.

I would definitely step back for a while and see how you feel- people grow apart, it's a natural part of life.

You either meet her where she is in terms of effort for the friendship or step away, you aren't going to be able to force her into the kind of friend you want.

Life changes, priorities change, she hasn't the capacity to give you the time or money you expect, she's made it clear.

Thank you to people who have replied. I’ve never posted anything on here so had no idea if anyone would respond and it has been interesting 🙂. I would like to add some context, although no idea if anyone will read it this far down and dunno if I can ping it to the top.
I thought “similar financial circumstances” would be taken at face value so didn’t give more details but clearly people have assumed I don’t know anything about her finances. But actually I do and the reality is they’re not the same. My friend’s parents are multimillionaires. They bought her a house outright so she has no mortgage and a 26 plate expensive car that is not on finance. She likes to tell me how she doesn’t need to work and flash her engagement ring that was £8000. When I gave her £75 I got an “is that it?” Didn’t post this originally as I was interested in whether people would expect similar if they knew their friends were in similar situations and the OP wasn’t really supposed to be about money anyway. I know weddings cost a bomb for some people but all she had to pay was petrol to get there and about £50 for my hen do.
I would hate to be labelled as a bridezilla. One of my other bridesmaids has very little. She got me a small thoughtful gift and gave me £50 saying so sorry this is all I can afford so I said don’t worry and gave it back to her which she was very grateful for. We’ve always had a relationship where if we go out for food I always pay more and if we go for a walk together and go to a shop on the way or something I pay for the snacks and that has never been a problem for either of us 😊. The main thing is that she has always been at the end of the phone.
Some comments have suggested maybe my friend wants to cut me off and has new friends now from being a mum but she never talks about any other friends. She said she did NCT and hasn’t stayed in touch with any of them. I think she has found motherhood very isolating and maybe talking about money etc is masking that but I’m trying to figure out if it is my problem anymore when I feel sorry for her but have been treated poorly…..
Gosh I’m waffling. Didn’t expect this to be so long 😆

Well that’s a drip feed and a half … my richest friends are the tightest!

That's such a shame. TBH I hadn't noticed. I love Ireland.

Honestly, what comes across here is that you don't seem to like her much, and you're looking for reasons to be outraged that she's 'not putting in the effort'. You seem to think that your poorer friend 'compensates' for you paying more by being an extra-attentive friend. Yet you chose to travel to her, to be the one to arrange meetings when she clearly wasn't that bothered, to have her as your bridesmaid. It sounds like you're more invested in this friendship than she is.

Just don't contact her anymore and see if she makes an effort to contact you

Yes, unfortunately. I wish I hadn’t said anything I didn’t mean to derail the thread. The op did mention the gift price range in her op I thought that was her gripe when really it sounds as if the friendship is just one sided overall. I’m scared to mention how many people attended my Irish catholic wedding as I’ll be in trouble on MN!

You sound lovely and not grabby at all.

Who's Matt Leave?

What was disparaging?

£200 - £250!!! Bloody hell, that’s a lot. As a couple we’d give £100. I’d say £50 minimum so £30 is a bit stingy.
The usual crap posts from some people accusing OP of measuring friendship in monetary terms or thinking of friends in £££. Of course people do that.
My DH’s daughter (late 40s) claims to ‘think the world of’ her dad but never fails to give him shit from B&M or Aldi for Xmas, birthdays. Usually £4 - £5. IMO that shows how little she thinks of him - but that’s another thread 🤣
OP, I think you should back off from his friend now. Good luck.

Not for 95 per cent of the population 😅

It does also sound like she’s struggling postpartum and pregnant again, so maybe check in? Could she have PND?

"She gave me £30 as a gift. Our financial circumstances are similar and I gave her £75 when she got married five years ago"

YABU to keep a mental tab of this stuff and feel resentful about it.

Exactly! Couldn't have said it better.

I don’t think you should cut her off completely, but scale back the level of effort. She sounds a bit self centred. Maybe you’ve both got to the habit of you doing the running around, but your wedding has made you reassess the imbalance.

The present and comment were the icings of the cake.

Accept that friendships change. Visit her when the baby is born, but don’t go running up and down the country for her.

£250, LOL. Even with inflation, neither I spent on anyone else nor they on us anything like that other than our parents and I'd feel embarrassed if they had thought they needed to.

I’d would do a minimum of £50 but if I was a bridesmaid it would easily be £100.

I do feel for you OP - she clearly is out of touch or has little regard for you.

Friendships ebb and flow

Depends on your circles!! £50 is normal where I live, going up to £100 for close relations!!

I understand it's not the money, it's that it represents a lack of respect and consideration. I'd probably just let the friendship fizzle out if I were you.

Maybe that’s all she could afford. Unless you have access to her banking details you don’t really know if you have the same financial situation.
The other stuff is irritating and yes maybe it’s run its course