AIBU to think a 9-year-old boy can use the ladies with mum?

[aliceyyyy2654]

An AIBU on behalf of a friend who told me this story today.

my friend was out with her two children (DS aged 9 and DD aged 6). She took both with her into the ladies loo in her shopping centre. When she was done and the kids were washing their hands an old lady came up and told her it was unacceptable for a ‘young man’ to be in the women’s toilets as he was not a girl. This kid is 9!!

She was rather upset and embarrassed and hurried out and her son asked her why she was being shouted at.

When she told me this story I told her to ignore it and to continue taking her young children into the women’s with her when their dad isn’t present.

AIBU to think that a 9 year old boy should be able to go into the women’s with his mum as it is much safer than going into the men’s alone?

What if a girl objects to a baby boy having his nappy changed in the ladies bathroom? Do we eject the woman and baby and tell them to change the baby in the men's? You've gone mad.

I don't think that was their point.

Saying KS2 and up have seperate toilets and changing facilities is nothing to do with the presence of adults, but rather the age when it is developmentally appropriate for children to use single sex changing facilities as they start to recognise they are physically different. Girls bodies can start developing as young as 8, and they need a safe single sex space for this transitional time and beyond.

I fully appreciate the worries of mums of males, about the potential actions of other males, we all want our children to feel and be safe. But as someone said above, the response to poor behaviour by a small number of men cannot be remove women's rights to a single sex space for toilets and changing.

Perhaps educate them then on what the alternative might be for that boy? Educate them that men are problem. Reassure them that the boy's mother is keeping him safe. We all know that men are the issue here. Not little boys. Not children.

He should be in the men’s

No one has mentioned babies. The consensus among those who object is that's is fine up to 7ish for boys to come into women's spaces.

Well you’d be wrong. I have a fair idea as I’m a swim teacher who is in swim pool changing rooms with this age group daily. They do not want boys in there. And as a swim teacher, as per the rules of our pool, I do not allow 9yr old boys plus in the girls, they can use the boys. I am very happy to tell the boys this directly if I see them coming out poolside from the girls.

So what are all you outraged mums of boys doing to ensure your little darlings do not become the next generation of child abusers?

Because that’s the issue isn’t it? Men.

And your boys will turn into them. And then some of them may represent danger to my girls.

You are taking the worst example as if it is ordinary though. Don’t you think I love my son, or want to protect him? You mitigate risks and protect your own child. Not decide to not give a shit about women and girls.

Women and girls may not want these males in their spaces, and they deserve that.

This post is about ladies toilets. Not changing spaces. Changing spaces is a more complicated issue I agree. Ladies toilets full of private cubicles as women only spaces are not at risk or threatened by the presence of prepubertal young boys...children.

This thread is about toilets with lockable cubicles, not swimming pool changing rooms.

My suggestion is the parent who doesn't believe their ds is safe in male toilets finds an alternative, such as a unisex, family or solo occupancy toilet.

The solution is not to trample the rights of girls.

I’m glad to see that the majority disagree with you. My DDs at 7 and 10 would feel uncomfortable with a boy that age in the loo, I know this because they feel uncomfortable at the swimming that there are often boys that feel too old to be there. I appreciate it’s a bit grey in terms of the development of individual boys, but I’d say 8 is the cut off in many single sex environments for a reason, some kids (particularly girls) begin to reach puberty at this stage.

My nine year-old is almost my height! I wouldn’t be taking him into the ladies loos!

No. I will not be socializing my dds to join in the misogynistic narrative that boys convenience comes before their discomfort.

Parents of boys who don't want them in the men's need to locate suitable toilets. Plenty of solo toilets are available in places like cafes.

Anyone who gets their phone out and takes a photo of a mum and her son in the toilets is far more of an issue than a 9 year old boy using the toilet with his mum!!

The PP states that if one girl objects, then the male shouldn't be in there. Why shouldn't that apply to male babies? Neither the baby nor the 9 year old (accompanied by their mum) are likely to pose any harm. So what's the difference?

What the fuck is a "visual age"?

Should my (only just) five year old son be required to go to the men's bathroom on his own (bearing in mind he can't always manage locks or even his own trouser buttons consistently) because he's 128cm tall and some lunatic mother has managed to convince her daughter that the rustle of a tampon wrapper is such a shameful sound that having a little boy hear it from the next cubicle over makes her unsafe?

Who is getting naked in a shopping centre toilet? Certainly not me but if that's your thing then you go girl x

It's not for boys convenience though is it? It's for the safety of boys, that remain to be, children. Why are you minimising the importance of safeguarding children against sexual abuse at the hands of men? If your girls are anxious to wash their hands next to a 9 year old boy while he's with his mum, then Id be seriously concerned if were you.

I do think a changing room is a different thing. I’ve had to navigate this as a mum of a boy and a girl swimming at the same time and I have huge anxiety over it, but I totally agree you can’t have boys getting changed in girls spaces because there’s nakedness on show. There isn’t nakedness on show at the hand basins in a ladies toilets.

It not boys convenience coming above women’s discomfort, it’s boys safety.

I do think a changing room is a different thing. I’ve had to navigate this as a mum of a boy and a girl swimming at the same time and I have huge anxiety over it, but I totally agree you can’t have boys getting changed in girls spaces because there’s nakedness on show. There isn’t nakedness on show at the hand basins in a ladies toilets.

It is convenience, though I admit it's probably more about the parent's convenience. They need to walk to a suitable toilet, such as a unisex, family or solo cubicle toilet. These are commonly available, I use them with a disabled family member.

You are deliberately trying to use language to diminish the experience of girls when boys invade what is intended to be a single sex space, and it isn't ok. This isn't about washing hands. Girls have a right to use a toilet tin a single sex space.

Also, are you confident that EVERY 7 year old girl would be happy with a 7 year old boy in the bathroom? Probably not, so why will you override a 7 year old girl's feelings but not a 9 year old girl's?

In my local shopping centre you need a key for all disabled toilets. There are no other unisex toilets available.