AIBU to think a 9-year-old boy can use the ladies with mum?

[aliceyyyy2654]

An AIBU on behalf of a friend who told me this story today.

my friend was out with her two children (DS aged 9 and DD aged 6). She took both with her into the ladies loo in her shopping centre. When she was done and the kids were washing their hands an old lady came up and told her it was unacceptable for a ‘young man’ to be in the women’s toilets as he was not a girl. This kid is 9!!

She was rather upset and embarrassed and hurried out and her son asked her why she was being shouted at.

When she told me this story I told her to ignore it and to continue taking her young children into the women’s with her when their dad isn’t present.

AIBU to think that a 9 year old boy should be able to go into the women’s with his mum as it is much safer than going into the men’s alone?

If a queue is formed then a disabled person has no choice but to wait, if a disabled person is in there fair enough, if you are waiting for your child to sit on the potty etc while i'm stood outside with a colostomy bag leaking downy legs then shame on you.
Take the potty into the ladies toilet..

@StillgotmyiPod No, I don't agree. Just because there are some minor exceptions to the rule doesn't mean you throw away the rule.

Yes - younger opposite sex children (under 8) might use them - that's okay but if they're messing about you talk to the person with them.
Yes - there may be a male cleaner - there will be a sign and they will be there only to do their job. If they are doing anything else you will be able to complain to the place providing the toilets.

The exception proves the rule.

YANBU at all.

I’ve taken my 9 year old son in with me - we are in and out very quickly and it’s a non issue. It’s still too young - tbh so is 10, but at that point I do wait outside. Boy children still need protecting from men too.

If they know at school, at 8 they must only use the boy's toilets, it is confusing as to why their mum will not allow them to do this in other spaces.

This exactly. It sends a confusing message.

Consent doesn't apply when it comes to who else occupies the same public space as you.

Realistically they are. And no, female toilets are not 'always going to have members of the opposite sex in, one way or another', other than young boys. That, is the reality.

@BurnoutBee So some men need protecting from other men - young men and children, smaller men, effeminate men.

That is entirely a man problem - to be solved by men.

Stop pushing it onto women and making their experience worse.

There isnt always the space. This is the issue when places don't have larger cubicles. Same with prams. No one is going to leave a baby outside. So unfortunately they aren't just used by disabled people

I didn't say you should throw away the rule.

I said people should be pragmatic that these spaces are not, in reality, truly single sex safe spaces. Treating them as though they are just isn't realistic.

Yes, it really does. If one woman does not consent to a male entering our space, all you need is that one NO.

Cleaners, plumbers, paramedics, security staff, other members of staff doing checks... All of these mean people will inevitably go into opposite sex toilets.

To say nothing if one set of loos is broken and everyone has to go in the other.

It's not your space. It's the shopping centres space.

Again: consent doesn't apply when it comes to who else is in a public space with you.

I wonder how often boys get assaulted in the loos of family friendly places, ie not at a bar or nightclub etc.
As other posters have pointed out, if the parent truly believe there is a risk of assault why not slightly open the door to the mens and tell her son to scream if he needs help?

The solution to a male feeling unsafe is never to use the female space.

General rules are 8, he should be using the male toilets.

Plumbers and cleaners have signs up. Paramedics and security staff is rare and in that case they call out. And how often does that happen. You are clutching at straws.

Safe spaces and single sex spaces are entirely different things.

He’s too old-girls have the right to go to the loo without their boy classmates. And, btw, the woman’s age was irrelevant.

and if the disabled toilet isn't free then I will take my disabled 10 year old son to the ladies with me because he needs assistance and so it continues.

As the SC ruling says, it's a female only space, and shopping centres must abide by the law. If a woman doesn't consent and calls staff, then that is all that is needed.

You're the one who thinks young children are predatory for being in opposite sex toilets (because any male in a female loo is, according to you, by definition predatory). I'm not sure I'm the one who's a little detached from reality here.

Cleaners etc have signs up outside announcing their presence.

@Kirbert2 There will always be a disabled toilet available. Sometimes that doubles up as the womens/ baby changing.

Your son's needs do not trump women's rights.

Will you still be taking him there at 21?

You use the disabled toilet with him.

The ageist bigotry on Mumsnet is legendary. Women used to be revered as wise women, wise elders, crones with a lifetime of informed experience to pass on. Now they're just 'old women'. A consequence of society that no longer respects the elderly.

Yes, shopping centres and any other organisations offering single sex spaces must obey the law.

That means that they can't e.g. direct a trans woman to use the ladies.

It doesn't mean it's illegal for a male to be in the ladies.

It doesn't mean consent is an applicable concept in this scenario.