AIBU to be angry my husband opposes my major promotion?

[Bigjob1234]

Context - I am the main earner whilst DH works in a low paying field he adores. I have been offered a huge new job, pinnacle of career stuff with a £200k+ salary (outside of London). It will involve stress and it will involve travel. We have 2 DC - 7 and 4 - so both will be in school in September.

DH says no - my current role pays enough for our lifestyle and is flexible enough to work life around. He has not once asked me if I want this job or congratulated me on the achievement, just states that it is inconvenient and therefore I shouldn't do it. I'm fuming - his job is full time in the office and low paid but he does it because he loves it, despite it being inconvenient. My job has to both pay all the bills but also ensure that I am around for childcare/be completely flexible. If I want to progress in my career, I will have to suck up some more stress and inconvenience as I will be at the top of leadership. Even if I did this role for 2 years, it could be a great move to position me for other things and potentially more flexibility in future. AIBU to be fuming with him?!

Oh, and congrats.

Just take the job and divorce him if he can’t be happy for you. He’ll have a much harder life doing 50:50 childcare, the lazy sod.

Go for it. You'll kick yourself if you don't.

Take the job, you must! Huge congrats.

DH sounds quite lazy, I’d have the ick, personally.

If I was on £200k a year my DH would be delighted to go PT (I currently earn 6 figures and he £40k) and tbh he’s much better than me at all things kids/cooking/cleaning anyway. How times have changed in society and thank fuck they have. 🙂

Please accept this job.

He'll get over his little crisis in a day or two.

What are his concerns? Is it that the children will miss you for those two days and he will miss you or is it that he is having to do more? I would suggest him cutting some hours so he can do the school runs and pickups then there isn't really an issue for him to complain about. I would be more concerned about the children's feelings than his.

He does not get yo say no. Who does he think he is.
He is jealous snd insecure.

I really hope you accept the job. The update about him getting up having coffee and going to work while you earn more AND do childcare routines tells me that he is a bit of a shit bag. Not sure what you find attractive op.

Having said that, I would think long and hard about whether you want to be away from your kids that much. I wouldn’t have wanted to at that age. Money isn’t everything. But it’s up to you of course, my outlook isn’t right for everyone

That's what I came to say. Money isn't everything.

That sounds like my job - though not quite that high a salary. I work in an industry that involves having to fly somewhere, anywhere in the world at little notice and totally random. I have done this job for years and I love it and my girls are proud of me. I’m actually a single parent but my ex and I have always co parented 50:50 so when I’m away he’s taken on primary care responsibilities and when he’s had intense periods at work (he’s a headteacher) I’ve taken on more. The kids are now young adults and we’re proud of how we showed them that mum and dads careers are equally important.
take the job. Opportunities like this don’t come around every day. Ignore the SAHMs. You are doing a good job of being a brilliant role model for your kids, unlike their lazy father.

Go for it and get childcare sorted.

Look I get that your situation is like the husband’s and it maybe makes you feel guilty or something. But she says she does the mornings, the bedtimes and cooks all the dinners. I doubt he’s packing book bags or setting out uniforms either but maybe. But splitting hairs to try and defend your situation is not a good look quite frankly.

If your husband is happy with your situation then good for him. If he’s doing more of the domestic load and the big job I think that’s unfair but that’s just me.

But I’m not trying to convince you I’m telling the OP what I think. And I hope she ignores you to be honest as your banging on to nearly everyone who is supporting the OP is getting a bit aggravating.

Oh my god. Cos play being the main earner. Thats such a good way of putting it. EXACTLY what my ex did. I used to ask him if I could spend money and if I spent without asking him he’d be angry. It was money I earned. He did his vanity projects. Barely made minimum wage. Yet would cone home late to dinner I cooked. Would leave mess I’d tidy. Aaarh. I was such an idiot. Never again!!

Heed my warning OP. Take the job. Do not get a nanny. They are his kids. Divorce may be easier!! And you get to keep your pension from that point forward.

The children have a father. Why outsource to strangers?

He works outside the home, so his hours might not work for school runs etc. Appears that OP's job was more flexible in that regards, although DH does appear to be lazy so it is possible his hours would work, but most jobs are not school hour jobs, so some childcare might be needed. Also school holidays might require more childcare

One thing I would say is the ages of OP's DC are quite fun ages, you are coming out of the drudge of baby/toddlerhood and not yet in the joy of hormones and puberty. Also friends haven't become more important than you in their world. I'm not saying OP shouldn't take the job but I would certainly be checking the amount of hours required (and I would be saying that to a man as well) so you don't miss out on this part of childhood.

Umm all good points, the obvious solution is for DH to go part time, right? Then he won't miss out on the kids or have to juggle his job with school pick ups.

It’s a really tricky dynamic. I earn more than my husband but he probably has the more stressful job. It’s annoying as I end up being the one who picks up the slack at home. He genuinely works a very noble job and I admire him for that. However I can’t help think that if it was the other way around he wouldn’t be so willing.

Your miserable selfish husband is dead weight you could do without.

Firstly, congratulations on getting the promotion! Huge achievement.

Secondly, I'm really torn. I'd feel exactly the same as your DH, but I value family time and flexibility above almost everything else. I would absolutely hate DH to take a job that took him away from us more and no level of remuneration would make him not being there ok.

BUT as your husband has an inflexible job, which he sticks at because he loves it, makes him a hypocrite!

So on the balance, I think yanbu.

But her H isnt operating as a team, that's the entire point?

The everyday sexism or even outright jealousy and misogyny astounds me. Go for it OP and huge congragulations on your achievement and the incredible juggling you are already doing! Time for someone else in your house to step up and share the load...

Another reason to take the job op, is that even if you don’t want to yet/can’t see it yet; when you hit menopause I will bet my house that you will think ‘why the fuck did I let him treat me like that’ and get a divorce. Night was well prepare for it by having the best job you can have.

i think this is a valid point, sadly.

Just because that is YOUR story does not mean that it's the OP's story.

Projecting just makes you look petty and jealous.

Amazing achievement, congratulations. Take the job without guilt. You'll still be a great parent, you'll make it work. If he got this job you'd be supporting him without question.