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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse a tenant because she bullied my friends?

155 replies

RiverWashed · 01/07/2026 18:51

We are landlords and one of our properties became available for rent recently. When we went to show the house, the applicant was someone I’d been at school with who bullied one of my friends, and a few other girls. I don’t think she recognised me, if she did she didn’t say. She told me that she had applied for 4 houses but missed out and was really desperate for this one to keep her kids at the same school, be close to work etc.

Would you hold grudge and not rent to her? I think I’m going to. I can find another tenant and she was such a nasty bitch. It didn’t stop at school either, it continued at college and she worked with another school friend at a pub til she was mid 20s and was still horrible then. I’ve been thinking back about the bullying she did and thinking I don’t want to rent to her. By mid 20s she should have known better and the bullying was really bad. My friend at school suffered serious mental health issues due to the bullying and it impacted her exams and whole life even now really, although I don’t see her often now as we don’t live close to each other but we keep in touch,

I know it’s petty and we are in our 30s now but AIBU not to rent to her?

OP posts:
Jeschara · 01/07/2026 18:56

If she has been that much of a bully she could be trouble. Do you want that. If you know what's she is like give yourself a break and do not rent to her.

Lemonymint · 01/07/2026 18:57

She had been a very unpleasant person for many years. You can't even say it was limited to being a stupid teenager. Apart from anything else I could see her being a difficult tenant. Actions have consequences and, personally, as a bullied child, bullies turn my stomach.

AnneElliott · 01/07/2026 18:59

I don’t think it’s petty. Actions have consequences - behaving badly to people can come back on you later. I wouldn’t rent to someone who’d behaved as a bully.

eyeoresancerre · 01/07/2026 18:59

She sounds like drama. You don’t need the hassle.

LightlyRoamingOcelots · 01/07/2026 19:00

Well I'd hate to be judged in my 30s for the mistakes I made before I was 25.

You certainly shouldn't rent to her just forgetting this issue because if you do the fact that you think so ill of her will impact the landlord-tenant relationship and cause problems.

It would take huge courage to do this but could you actually talk to her about how much damage she did to your friend? Could you consider that if she has genuine remorse and asks and recieves forgiveness from your friend then you might also be able to forgive?

Sometimes we aren't strong enough not to hold a grudge, but holding a grudge damages you more than it damages the person you are resenting so it's worth trying to find reconciliation if you have the strength.

Justonemorething82 · 01/07/2026 19:02

Sounds like karma to me. Lots of horrible people pretend to be nice to get jobs and houses but then show themselves when their foot is in the door.

I’d tell my friends so they can have their hearts warmed by it.

Edited to add, it’s not a grudge, it’s learning from experience.

rwalker · 01/07/2026 19:02

Leopards don’t change there spot from a business point of view she if dubious character so it would be a no

being bullied at school myself I’d subtlety reminder her introduce yourself as a friend off the girl she bullied

BudgetBuster · 01/07/2026 19:03

Unless you think she's had a personality transplant, she's likely to still be a bitch and thus potentially a difficult tenant. I'd steer clear if you can easily find another tenant.

Overtheatlantic · 01/07/2026 19:03

Every crow comes home to roost.

notthatoldchestnut · 01/07/2026 19:04

It’s your property. You can rent it to whoever you wish!
you’re in a position that you have the choice of who to rent to. I’m all about the principle too so I wouldn’t be renting to her.

Badbadbunny · 01/07/2026 19:06

@LightlyRoamingOcelots

Well I'd hate to be judged in my 30s for the mistakes I made before I was 25.

But actions have consequences and just being older isn't a "get out of jail free" card.

Bullying ruins lives, sometimes it even leads to self harming and even suicides.

There's absolutely no way in hell I'd ever "help" any of my childhood bullies as they ruined my teen years and made my life hell, and that's led to lifelong issues of being able to trust people etc.

Bullying isn't a "mistake" - it's sustained prolonged abhorrent unacceptable behaviour.

Original poster
RiverWashed · 01/07/2026 19:08

LightlyRoamingOcelots · 01/07/2026 19:00

Well I'd hate to be judged in my 30s for the mistakes I made before I was 25.

You certainly shouldn't rent to her just forgetting this issue because if you do the fact that you think so ill of her will impact the landlord-tenant relationship and cause problems.

It would take huge courage to do this but could you actually talk to her about how much damage she did to your friend? Could you consider that if she has genuine remorse and asks and recieves forgiveness from your friend then you might also be able to forgive?

Sometimes we aren't strong enough not to hold a grudge, but holding a grudge damages you more than it damages the person you are resenting so it's worth trying to find reconciliation if you have the strength.

I hadn’t thought about her in years so I don’t think it’s damaging me. When I saw her, I was obviously reminded of it. I think as long as I don’t rent to her I won’t give her any thought. I did feel glad that she was struggling and think karma is a bitch, so maybe that makes me a bad person.

I wouldn’t speak to her about my friend without speaking to my friend first and I don’t want to drag all that up for her.

OP posts:
JustAnotherWhinger · 01/07/2026 19:09

Renting to someone you know can be tricky, let alone someone you know was a deeply unpleasant character at least until their mid-twenties.

Unpleasant characters tend to be difficult and/or unreliable tenants in my experience.

JustAnotherWhinger · 01/07/2026 19:11

LightlyRoamingOcelots · 01/07/2026 19:00

Well I'd hate to be judged in my 30s for the mistakes I made before I was 25.

You certainly shouldn't rent to her just forgetting this issue because if you do the fact that you think so ill of her will impact the landlord-tenant relationship and cause problems.

It would take huge courage to do this but could you actually talk to her about how much damage she did to your friend? Could you consider that if she has genuine remorse and asks and recieves forgiveness from your friend then you might also be able to forgive?

Sometimes we aren't strong enough not to hold a grudge, but holding a grudge damages you more than it damages the person you are resenting so it's worth trying to find reconciliation if you have the strength.

Speaking to her about the serious mental health issues she caused the OPs friend is a dreadful idea.

It puts the OPs friend directly in the firing line if the possible tenant is still deeply unpleasant, especially if the Op says no to renting to her.

That would be highly unfair on the friend.

Minnie798 · 01/07/2026 19:13

Yes I would hold a grudge and not rent to her.
She was still displaying bullying behaviours in her mid 20's. She didn't 'grow out of it' and probably still hasn't- a nightmare tenant potentially. I wouldn't bother finding out.

CheeseyOnionPie · 01/07/2026 19:14

Yep I’d reject her with relish. It’s called karma.

Original poster
RiverWashed · 01/07/2026 19:15

I didn’t really think of her possibly still being difficult now, but that’s a good point made by some posters. She was very polite and friendly when viewing the house, but then desperate people often are until they get what they need.

I’m very glad to see people would think the same as me. I thought I’d get a lot of people saying leave the past in the past and help her out.

I feel sorry for the kids though if they have to move school but that’s me being too soft. My partner said not to rent to her as soon as I told him who she was once she’d left.

OP posts:
SliceofTosst · 01/07/2026 19:16

I would hold a grudge. Bullies are scum and she will be a difficult tenant.

TooOrangey · 01/07/2026 19:16

I think that’s really very petty.

Badbadbunny · 01/07/2026 19:16

TooOrangey · 01/07/2026 19:16

I think that’s really very petty.

Says someone who doesn't appreciate the damage that bullies do.

MyTrivia · 01/07/2026 19:17

No, there is no way I’d rent to her.

I despise bullies.

Tigerbalmshark · 01/07/2026 19:21

I wouldn’t want a tenant who I already knew was a malevolent bitch, no. Regardless of who she’d bullied, I don’t want to deal with any of that in my property.

And if four other landlords have already turned her down, she obviously isn’t a great catch as a tenant on paper either. Either bad references or poor credit history/affordability. I’d run for the hills the moment somebody told me four other landlords had said no, to be honest! Just as I would if I was buying a house and heard 4 previous buyers had pulled out.

Mcdhotchoc · 01/07/2026 19:23

Follow your gut.
If she had been lovely at School and subsequently the connection would have served her well and no doubt you would maybe have picked her over others.
If you know she is unpleasant steer clear.

Umbrellasinthesunshine · 01/07/2026 19:23

She’s at the find out stage of fuck around I’m afraid. That might make me petty but - absolutely-fucking-not.

Nearly50omg · 01/07/2026 19:24

I’d not only NOT rent the house to her I’d also tell her WHY! She needs to know that the way she behaves has consequences and those consequences have impacted her family. Maybe she will think twice about bullying someone next time - because there WILL be a next time! Doesn’t matter what age she is you can guarantee this hasn’t stopped her!