AIBU to refuse a tenant because she bullied my friends?

[RiverWashed]

We are landlords and one of our properties became available for rent recently. When we went to show the house, the applicant was someone I’d been at school with who bullied one of my friends, and a few other girls. I don’t think she recognised me, if she did she didn’t say. She told me that she had applied for 4 houses but missed out and was really desperate for this one to keep her kids at the same school, be close to work etc.

Would you hold grudge and not rent to her? I think I’m going to. I can find another tenant and she was such a nasty bitch. It didn’t stop at school either, it continued at college and she worked with another school friend at a pub til she was mid 20s and was still horrible then. I’ve been thinking back about the bullying she did and thinking I don’t want to rent to her. By mid 20s she should have known better and the bullying was really bad. My friend at school suffered serious mental health issues due to the bullying and it impacted her exams and whole life even now really, although I don’t see her often now as we don’t live close to each other but we keep in touch,

I know it’s petty and we are in our 30s now but AIBU not to rent to her?

I'd be so tempted to raise it with her. Not mention your friend, obviously, but the fact that you know who she is and the terrible effect her bullying had.

I hope the mother of the seven year old girl who told boys to bully and hit another boy reads this.

I would need her to know exactly why I wasn’t going to consider her

Karma baby

I was bullied in USA high school age 13 to 16 by girls in the class above me but back then they just called it “mean girls”

don’t rent to her…bullying is a character trait. Empathy can be exhibited by mere children…3 y.o. Toddlers can show empathy. Bullies have no empathy.

in suspect she recognized you or your name or both and chose not to disclose her identity to you as someone from the past…shady and manipulative.

i have a really good life but i missed out a lot in high school because I was afraid of these girls so I didn’t participate in much out of class time and even that was fraught with peril. And I would feel the same if someone had bullied my friends.

You have had an early warning and wisely you heard it and are heeding it by not renting to her. She mentioned the children…to tug on your heartstrings .

No. Hurt my friends then you're dead to me.

"What we do in life... echoes in eternity"

Unlikely too. But I'd be inclined to gently dig about if the bullying were ages ago/ school time. OP has said it carried on well into adulthood though. Which would be my steer on this.

Don't think it's petty at all! If it had just been in primary school that's one thing. But someone who acts like that as an adult? Yes we are all told bullies are sad and hurt deep down, but you're not a therapist, and do you want to rent to someone you know has a bad attitude?
Let's face it, celebrities have been in trouble for things they wrote on social media in their teens-no one says that doesn't matter.

I'd not rent to her and tell her why! It doesn't sound like it was just a teen thing that she grew out of, she just sounds like a bitch and will probably be a difficult tenant to deal with besides.

What goes around comes around 🤷‍♀️

Bullies are the worst, if it was me I wouldn’t rent to her, she deserves to have shit things happen to her.

Likewise. I interviewed someone who was awful to a family member when they were at school together.

My family member was having a horrid time of it at home and to then be bullied by this POS just took the biscuit.

I didn't say anything to them but I simply wasn't as warm and friendly towards them like I would normally be. I just wanted to put them on edge a bit in front of the panel.

They didn't get hired! 😁

She’s already putting emotional pressure on YOU with her sob stories about nowhere to live and her children’s school.
That’s bullying and you needn’t get involved. Just rent to someone else and be satisfied you let karma bite her on the arse!

as others have said, she’s likely to be a problematic tenant and then be a nightmare to get rid of.
But more, if your friend found you’d rented to this person that might well hurt her and damage your friendship.

There will be other people who have as much need of a house as this woman who won’t come with all this baggage. You owe her nothing.

Absolutely no way would I rent to her.

I am 60 now and if I came across one of my bullies from school I would LOVE to be in a position for some karma.
Even if she doesn't remember you or realise why she didn't get the tenancy, YOU have the satisfaction of knowing.

I'd be tempted to tell her something cryptic (if it was allowed within the new legal framework).

Something like "When I have several people wanting their tenancy, I let my chickens decide. Last night, when they came home to roost, I'm afraid they chose someone else.

All the best in finding a new home elsewhere and I hope that your children settle in to their new school eventually".

@RiverWashed I think you're doing the right thing not renting to her.

As a previous poster said, lots of bullies dont change and downplay their bullying later in life.

I saw my school bully at a wedding 20 years after she bullied me. She made some unpleasant remark to me, but it didn't hit home and I realised that she was still a complete cow.

neither she nor her kids are your responsibility. I’d apply the “fool me one, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you” rule. You’ll spend your whole time trying to forgive and forget when you don’t have to forgive (but can hopefully forget) and wondering when she will kick off again. Glad you’re going to hold your grudge!

You reap what you sow. She sowed misery. Don't rent to her - also she may be trouble as a tenant.

Not petty. As a teen you can look over but being the same in adulthood she will probably cause you problems

Renting out a house that you have put a lot of work into is very personal.

I recently saw photos of ours, curtains are falling off hooks (spares were provided) and then there’s a video of kids in summer uniform walking through frost grass as if that’s their normal route to school, while mum is sniggering in the background.

I don’t know these people but I’ve already set my mind about them.

Bullying isn't a mistake, though. A mistake might be getting on the wrong bus, or forgetting your hat. This woman was still bullying in her twenties! It's hurting people deliberately for the pleasure and the power of it. Likely to be a difficult tenant,

Similar story. I run my own business and have won awards for what I do. One of my high school bullies got in touch and asked for services. I told her that I couldn’t give her any service and as I am legally liable if I give a recommendation, I refused to tell her the name of anyone else (although truthfully I’m the only one in the area).
Sounds like she could be difficult or hard work if you do take her on; what’s to say she has changed at all? She may bully neighbour, causing problems or you to try and get more than she’s entitled to. She clearly wasn’t a nice or kind person at school and I personally would not want to risk my reputation on someone who has a history of being nasty. Who knows what she could write on Google! Clearly not much has changed if 4 other landlords wrote her off - she’s obviously been a bit of a cow to them, so why take that risk?
FAFO, and karma has bitten her on the arse nicely here’.

I don’t think I could be restrained enough not to tell her

Keep it businesslike.
Say no.
Don’t give a reason.
Despite what is claimed about the Renter’s Rights act you don’t have to have a reason not to rent to anyone - unless it can be established that you are discriminating due to one of the protected areas.
You aren’t refusing to let to her due to her having children, or because she is on benefits ( if that applies).
There is still nothing to stop
landlords choosing one tenant over another, or leaving a property empty until they find the right tenant. In fact the Renter’s Rights act makes it even more important to try to get the right tenant at the outset.