AIBU to refuse a tenant because she bullied my friends?

[RiverWashed]

We are landlords and one of our properties became available for rent recently. When we went to show the house, the applicant was someone I’d been at school with who bullied one of my friends, and a few other girls. I don’t think she recognised me, if she did she didn’t say. She told me that she had applied for 4 houses but missed out and was really desperate for this one to keep her kids at the same school, be close to work etc.

Would you hold grudge and not rent to her? I think I’m going to. I can find another tenant and she was such a nasty bitch. It didn’t stop at school either, it continued at college and she worked with another school friend at a pub til she was mid 20s and was still horrible then. I’ve been thinking back about the bullying she did and thinking I don’t want to rent to her. By mid 20s she should have known better and the bullying was really bad. My friend at school suffered serious mental health issues due to the bullying and it impacted her exams and whole life even now really, although I don’t see her often now as we don’t live close to each other but we keep in touch,

I know it’s petty and we are in our 30s now but AIBU not to rent to her?

You only have her word for it that she just missed out on four houses and is desperate. It could be emotional manipulation. She could be laying it on thick to make you feel sorry for her. As for her being polite and friendly, bullies can put on a mask to get what they want, and then, when they have you where they want you, the mask slips.

Time for the find out phase of FAFO…

I love this. Probably not very sensible, although extremely satisfying. I’m hoping she no longer has any contact with her victims in case she starts harassing them.

I’m so thankful for these replies. I really did think that most people would say that she’s desperate, she has kids, it’s in the past etc so we should rent the house to her. Seeing that people think I’m right and this is natural consequences is what I needed! I will hold onto my grudge, won’t be renting to her and won’t give her another thought. Karma and all that good stuff.

Thanks all!

That's her problem though... the OP likely has kids whose standard of living relies on the rental income and a bad tenant can scupper that! The OP needs to look.out for herself.

I'd send her a message saying 'Unfortunately your application was not successful. Regards, Mary Smith (nee Jones).' Leave her to join the dots.

You know what kind of person she is. Based on this I wouldn’t rent my property to her. She could end up being a whole load of trouble.

I would not rent to her.

And I would not tell her why.

The last thing your friends need is to be reminded of past bullying or for this woman to have any reasons to turn her nasty behaviour back on.

I really would not stir up a hornets nest of potential resentment from her. She doesn't need to know why you are nit selecting her. Just find someone else.

I would not rent to her. So many people are looking for places to live- why chose a bully when you can have a lovely person instead?

a few years ago I came into professional contact with an ex teacher of one of my DC. She was an absolute bitch when DC was in her class. As a volunteer parent I saw several examples of absolute bullying, mean behaviour bordering on spiteful to the 7/8 year olds in her care. I told the head what I had seen and stood down as a volunteer. She was what was then called an NQT and wasn't rehired after her probation period.

when I met her later she was no longer teaching. She was delighted to see me and reminisced about the happy days when DC was in her class. I was polite and professional but non-committal but there was no way on gods earth I was going to hire her. She might have treated adults better than she did vulnerable children but I wasn't prepared to take the chance.

Do not tell her why you’ve decided against her (if you go down that route) for the sake of your friend. If she’s still a bully then you’d be putting her in the firing line again.

I wouldn't necessarily believe her about this to be honest, if she is a nasty piece of work then she might be someone who would make up that sort of thing to pull on your heartstrings.

No, that’s karma.

I think I could move past her being a school bully as a kid, who knows what awfulness she was dealing with at home that could have been a factor. I would be less forgiving of a college bully but absolutely no way on earth would I move past someone who continued to be a horror as an adult in their twenties.

Renting to anyone is a risk, they can all be well behaved and put on a front at a viewing. You have the luxury of already knowing she's a wrongun with an increased likelihood of bringing trouble. Rent to someone else who's kids need to be settled.

I also think you're right not to let her know why unless your friend really wants you to. A mean girl would never take it as a lesson to be learned anyway. Just share that satisfaction with your friend as a quiet victory for karma.

Never mind the grudge, she's likely to be a complete nightmare towards the neighbours and nigh on impossible to get out.

If she's genuinely homeless, the local authority will have a duty to house her children, so she'll be fine in the end.

It’s been my experience knowing a (local to us) school bully from DC’s school years that she hasn’t changed at 29.
If anything she has got more sneakier and it’s fortunate DC are well out of her path.

you are making the right decision to keep her out of your life. She would know your first name and would have recognised you.

The children aren’t paying the bills.

@RiverWashed You know she’s a bad person, I wouldn’t consider it.
Don’t feel guilty, you have a character reference and it doesn’t look good!

Don't rent to her. She's still a bully and she'll bully you as a tenant too. It will also bring those past experiences back into your mind. You owe her nothing.

You know her personality, which is a nasty person who likes to make other people's lives miserable, and people don't change that much from their 20's to 30's without a LOT of self reflection and therapy.

Good enough reason not to want to enter into a business arrangement even without her victim being a friend IMO. Risk of having a difficult tenant is not worth it.

Could this be why she's having to move?

Karma sucks

At some point, she will realise who you are. And that could get really awkward. That's enough reason not to let to her.

If you'd said she was a bully at, say 12, possibly up for consideration. But college and onwards no chance. Strong possibility of being a nightmare tenant.
I wouldn't say why. Straight forward sorry you've not been successful this time. I'd treat it as a business decision not a grudge.

Similar…. I had the pleasure of interviewing a school bully some 20 years later.
I knew who she was, and she knew who I was, the rejection email was the firmest line under the sand.
funny how things work out isn’t it?

She will find another place.

You will not have any drama, and keep your long term friendship.

I would imagine your friend would be quite gutted to find out you rented to her and the income wouldnt be worth it, if you can find another tenant easily enough.

If you couldn't - Id of suggested speaking to your friend first.

But glad to see you made a decision!