Invited the wrong child by mistake

[Oopsididitnotagain]

What to do-if anything?

Dd is having a party at a play place, ten children including herself, allowed. It was hard for her to narrow down her invites as she likes so many in the class and also has family friends to include.
I asked the class representative to please send me a list of the children & parents names & numbers. I made a group invite and sent via WhatsApp. One mum has replied to say her child can come-a boy Dd likes, but isn’t particularly close to, all the other children are girls, aside from one family friend, another boy. It was obviously a mixed up number, I thought I was sending the invite to one of her best friends.

Dd is disappointed and I think the mum was a little surprised too 🫣

Would you do anything?

I used to do paper invites with my eldest but everyone does WhatsApp invites now.

You must know someone whose in a parent WhatsApp group if you have a child under 10.
There is just no way. It’s the only way mums keep up with school stuff! People even make funny instagram videos about them.

Yes, although kids this age generally don't mind one bit playing with the opposite sex, the OP could let the mum know casually that he'll be the only boy.

However, OP was hoping (I strongly believe) that she'd be told to uninvite him which is truly awful.

And she definitely must not in any way imply he was an accidental invitation.

The reality is that kids talk anyway and he probably already knows.

Years ago DD came out of school in Y1 with a party invite (totally against the rules to hand them out in class), she was very excited. I looked at it, saw we could make it and went up to the mum who was nearby to say yes. She looked at DD, said “oh I thought you were a boy” and promptly snatched the invite out of her hand (DD doesn’t have a standard English name). It wasn’t the end of the world but I thought it was a pretty shitty thing to do and still remember it. I think you are stuck with the mistake.

Yup. It's needed.

OP hoping to be told it's ok to disinvite a little child, as shown by her still going with the "if needed" line is simply awful.

Pay the extra, make the boy welcome, casually in passing mention he's the only boy coming while in no way implying he was an accidental invite.

And then it's all sorted without making a child, or his mum, feel like crap.

You need to pay for her close friend to come - the one you meant to invite.

And then a short text to mum of random boy.

Hi Sophie
Lovely that Finn can come. Just a head's up - we've messed up invites/whatsapp numbers a bit so whilst we are really happy to have Finn join us, there won't be any of his friends and the rest of the party are girls. DD is perfectly happy that Finn slipped through the net and this is by no means a gentle 'uninvite' - but letting you know in case this isn't Finn's idea of a good time. Otherwise we'll see him on Saturday :)

I would definitely contact the mum OP.
Yes it’s embarrassing, but it’s the best thing to do now as the boy may well be upset by the circumstances of the party and that wouldn’t be fair to him, or to your DD. I’m sure she wants her friends to enjoy themselves. Emphasise to his mother that he is very welcome to attend if he wishes. I doubt he will want to, but children are all different so I could be wrong about that…it depends on his personality.

But do check even though it’s awkward. Would your DD want to attend a party with boys from her class and one other girl she didn’t know?

I would also invite the other little girl who has missed out if it’s at all possible.

ETA I wouldn’t phrase it as pp has though.

Aw, I am so sorry :( What a miserable thing to do.

I once accidentally invited a boy I actually quite disliked to my daughter's party 😅 Nobody knew how I felt about him, I kept my thoughts to myself, but I'd seen him in action, no need for details.

But the truth is, I'd have invited him anyway, regardless, if that's who my daughter asked for, though I might have said "Jackson? (not his name) You're sure?" Anyway, I had confused his name with another boy in her year and I was surprised when his mum thanked me for the invite 😉and then went on being welcoming and kind and treating them exactly as I treated the people I intended to invite, because that is the decent thing to do.

He behaved well at the party and I got to like him more and got on with the mum pretty well after that, though we were never friends, and I learned a bit about giving people second chances.

Anyway, the point is that the OP can't uninvite this boy, if she wants to be a decent person.

Absolutely not.

I'd send a message to the Mum of the boy, and explain the mix up. Apologise (obviously), then ask how she would feel if you withdrew the invite. But leave it open and say if the boy has already been told and is excited about the invitation, then he is still welcome to come.

It gives you a possible 'out' and hopefully won't cause offence as you are owning an honest mistake.

You cant uninviite a kid. A mean child uninvited my kid to her sleepover when she was 8, DD was devestated. It was the kid she sat next to, she thought they were friends.

You were unreasonable to ask the class reps to do you admin for you.

God no. "messed up" "slipped through the net" "this is by no means a gentle uninvite". JFC.

So happy that Finn is coming, oh just a heads up he will be the only boy, I didn't think to mention that before - is plenty.

And better said in person in passing anyway.

But yes of course OP must pay for the friend she meant to invite.

Yes this is much better. The other one is a bad idea.

You're over thinking this OP. The boy will prob not want to be at an all girls party. Also, DD's good friend will be left out and upset if not invited. So you have to politely explain the muddle up to the boy's mum and invite the girl who was supposed to be invited.

Honesly, these things happen and I'm sure the boy and his mum will understand.

Lol. No. OP will look like an absolute see you next Tuesday. Definitely don't do this 😅

I received a WhatsApp a few years back inviting my daughter to a boy’s b’day party. When I responded to say she’d love to come, the mum messaged me privately and said ‘oh, I thought you were (a boy’s) mum, my son wanted to invite boys to this activity, I don’t think your daughter would want to be the only girl.’
I said that’s cool, and btw that’s a great venue! She thanked me and removed me from the birthday group. The funny thing was that my daughter had been the only girl at her own birthday party, which her son had attended 😂
Anyway, my daughter and I laugh about this now, and her and the boy are still friends. Fess up to the mum sooner rather than later, and let it become a funny anecdote one day.

You'll have to invite the one best friend missed out.
And deal with the extra cost of the surprise boy guest.

Or alternatively she might hurt the boy's feelings and his mother's feelings for no good reason at all except OP doesn't want to splash the cash for the extra invite. A lot of people would feel hurt at being disinvited, especially a child.

I mean, that's why OP wrote this thread. She reluctantly admitted she can spend the extra, but does not want to, and was hoping to be told it's ok to disinvite an 8 year old because she made a mistake.

She can just mention that he's the only boy there and let him decide, and invite the friend she meant to. Far better option.

Edit, for some reason it didn't quote the post above that I was responding to.

Yep, honestly it's just not complex at all.

Kids that age are nearly always happy to play with the opposite sex, she can also casually mention he'll be the only boy to the mum, and that's it sorted. No drama required.

100% I’d fess up, but very cheerfully - phone her and say this is very embarrassing but I thought your number was someone else’s. Dd likes John and is happy for him to come to her party, im only calling so you know in advance the rest are all girls, I don’t want John to be surprised on the day!

john’s mum will probably politely withdraw his rsvp, but either way you will come across as friendly and relaxed mum and an easy person to know.

Kids what age? Was the OP joking when she said the DD was turning 17?

Yes, they’re 8.

Yes, OP replied to a query on the age 17 saying the child is 8, if you read down a bit more. Confusing joke to make I must say.

I got to the end of year 6 and still didn’t know who was parent of who, especially not from a phone number. Not everyone is there at pick up, some mums are working and don’t always drop off and pick up when others do. Regardless, Op had a list of numbers in her phone and had clearly made an error when entering numbers, easily done.

But there are countless posts that suggest exactly that. All passive uninvites.
Be breezy
Oops - he's the only boy, we understand if he doesn't want to come
Invited in error, he's still welcome if he wants.
etc
🙄

I honestly think those that are suggesting these gentle uninvites realize how rude and bitchy they are.

Yes, either they actively want to offend the other mum and hurt the feelings of a little boy or they are just incredibly clueless. It's so odd.

OP came here hoping to be told that to save herself money she can uninvite an 8 year old boy. Unfortunately a few people are cheering that terrible idea on - but most of us do get it.

I doubt OP will listen to the 74% who say it's unkind and unacceptable to try to wiggle out of the invite. I can but hope.