AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

[ThisTealLeader]

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday.
She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure.
My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through.
I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money.
Would like people’s thoughts on this?

So you are happy that she's responsible enough to drive. A car is a lethal weapon ad could easily kill someone or herself, yet, not responsible to go on holiday. You really are giving control vibes.

@CheeseWisely Yes, she'll learn a lot.

@ThisTealLeader Get her the travel insurance and you can transfer her some money if she runs out. My DD and her friends share their locations with each other in case they get separated.

No the holiday was paid for from her trust fund. The rest of it she had just spent on night outs etc.

I agree with this but I would also give her some spending money if you can afford it.

Who does not want their young adult child to have a fun trip away with their friends for the first time ?

Oh bless her - I mean, only you really understand her level of vulnerability, but if her friends are sensible, I'd bung her a couple of hundred quid for spends if you can afford it, buy her insurance (which will only be a few quid - just email her the details), and wave her off to have fun.

Make sure her friends have your phone number and give her the usual advice about alcohol consumption and sticking with her mates when out at night.

You can't guarantee she'll take any notice, but you have to let go of the apron strings at some point.

I have considered bpd as my husband’s sister has it and she is very similar in personality to my daughter.

WILL you get her the travel insurance? My dd went away a few weeks ago with friends. At the airport she asked them all if they had travel insurance and one didn’t. She made her take it out (£15).
Day 2, said friend slipped on the tiled stairs in their apartment, cut her head open really badly. Needed an ambulance to hospital and multiple stitches.

You can't make her cancel the trip. She's an adult now. She'd lose the money and be be letting her friends down. And it sounds like she needs to experience being responsible for herself.

I'd buy her travel insurance but only in the sense of paying for it. She needs to go through the process of choosing and buying it online, with you sitting beside her with your debit card.

Then throw her some extra spending money. I did that for my kids when they were well into their twenties, because we all love holidays and it was nice to treat them.

get her insurance and let her go enjoy herself.
It’s really difficult seeing your 18 year old go off on their 1st holiday, but they all do it and us mums have a few sleepless nights, but that’s all part and parcel of them growing up.
most of us would give our kids spending money to go or pay for their holidays at that age.

She is only learning, she might not pass!

Honestly ignore people on here saying your being harsh and negative they won't understand unless they have raised a child who potentially has a serious mental illness.

Reasons not to give your child a trust fund. You can’t control what they spend it on. We save for both our children but it will stay in our names so we can ensure they use the money sensibly. Most 18 year olds are easily convinced to part with their money and the more they have the less inclined they are to work for it!

I’d be tempted to buy her travel insurance. I would then likely transfer her £20-£30 per day (not all at once) to supplement her spending money and have her pay it back once home. Ultimately, you’ve identified she likely has additional needs and seems to be going on this holiday regardless- so I’d want to make sure she had enough money for food and taxis to keep her as safe as possible.

She sounds like she has no boundaries and hasn’t been taught to budget the fact that she does no chores nor pays rent. This is something I’d address with her when she’s back.

Buy her travel insurance and sun tan lotion. She is going to go. She can learn hopefully from this. I would not be subsidising her drinking however,

but if you say she is emotionally immature and vulnerable, I woudl not be buying her a car.

So you dont really want her to go. I assume from your last post.
She is 18. She needs to spread her wings.
So pay for her travel insurance. Add some spending money and tell her to have fun. IMP she is showing maturity saving and paying for a hlidsy in spite of working one day a week. I presume she is still studying.
Let her have some fun. She is young.

Help her out OP! Stop being mean and let her enjoy herself. I told you so is not a good look

You can make more money you can't make enough new memories... Especially whilst you're young. I would be encouraging her and helping her... She will never get these years bk, no responsibilities and just time to be young!! She's got enough time to be an adult worrying about bills, kids and saving money.

Make sure she has a Ghic card and travel insurance, it will probably be under £10 or not much more.
Maybe this holiday will be the making of her giving her some independence. Her friends are willing to help her out and even if not she'll have to learn to make the money she has stretch. Its easily done. She doesnt have to be eating out all the time some pot noodles and such will have to do.
You dont seem to think shes responsible but you are ok with her driving in the near future?

She's going to go. So send her with enough money so she's not a burden on her friends and she can stay safe, ie, eat enough to stay well, not skip taxis/accept lifts or accept food/drinks from randoms or end up on her own because she can't afford what the others are doing.
When she's back work out a way for her to pay you back, in chores if not cash, so she understands there's no free ride.

It will definitely be the OP’s business if DD has a medical emergency and she is billed for thousands of pounds!

I’m the odd one out because I’d feel as you do OP.

On one hand this is an excellent opportunity to FAFO, but given her vulnerabilities I’m not sure I’d be keen.

An extra hundred pounds would make all the difference, and to be honest I'd give it to her as you can't put a price on being young and away with your friends for the first time. Or at least load a card with it so she has it as a back up.
And a travel insurance policy will be less than a fiver so I'd buy her than too rather than have her travel without.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate this.
We have had so much stress with her in the last six months, I am honestly so drained. Self harming, relationship issues. I have only this week had to give a statement to police about her ex who she kept going back to despite months of controlling behaviour.
I know I might come across as controlling but I am just trying to safeguard my vulnerable daughter. The chances of her losing her passport are high!

This and I’d sort out her travel insurance.

Its not about being ok with it its about having no choice my dd drives. Do I think she has the maturity to drive no do I think she could potentially pull a mackenzie shrilla one day under the right circumstances absolutely