AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

[ThisTealLeader]

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday.
She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure.
My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through.
I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money.
Would like people’s thoughts on this?

Sorry but I don’t think it’s okay to assume that £200 will be enough spending money, it really won’t be. They’ll be going drinking and clubbing every night and you really can’t allow her to borrow money from friends. If she’s going to borrow money then it should be from you.
It’s actually not a bad lesson to learn that if you can’t afford something then you can’t just have/do it. you aren’t obliged to fund this just because her friends are going.

I have been in this situation with my dd. I now buy her annual travel insurance and send her a bit of extra cash when she's there. Going away with your friends is such a big thing for them at that age, don't begrudge her a bit of joy!

I would be paying for the travel insurance. Please don’t let her go without it. Has she got a birthday coming up so you could bung her some money for the holiday?

You can have cheap fun! Especially if you are somewhere like Spain or Greece where you can get some beers from the supermarket for a couple of euros.

Truthfully, I'd be giving my 18 year old ds money for his holiday and paying his insurance. I would want him to have an absolutely amazing time. He's just finished A levels though and has worked hard .My anxiety would be through the roof of course, but he wouldn't know that.

Insurance will be at least £40 as long as she has no health issues!

She’s not sensible!

When you say she is vulnerable, does she have learning difficulties or similar, or is she just a bit sheltered?

If the latter, this is how she learns. Buy her insurance, talk to her about ways to make more money, and wave her off.

She’ll probably have an amazing time, but whatever happens she’ll grow up a bit because of it.

As a total hard-ass mum myself, you sound like a real meanie ...

If she doesn't have much spending money but her friends are willing to buy for her, that is a great personality reference: who would take you on holiday and pay for you just to enjoy the craic with you?

As per PPs, check all your bank card details b/c insurance is often part of that.
Also, add her to your ins - charge her if you must ...

Can you support her at least temporarily? I know there are opposing views on this but I'd be inclined to support mine, even if grudgingly for this once. (personally, I'm grateful that my DDs not on drugs, not out all night and generally a credit - that might seem minimal but try it the other way around...)

Remember your youth? Did your parents clamp down on you you? Were you miserable?

Be young, be foolish but be happy...

Ha, ok then!

You’ve given her your opinion. You have hers. Leave her to figure it out now. But buy her travel insurance.

Vulnerable in what way?
Personally I wouldn’t want to see mine go short so I’d be helping her out with some cash (or at the very least allowing her to do some jobs for me to earn some money).
If she cancels surely she’ll lose the money she’s spent on the holiday?

@ThisTealLeader pay for her travel insurance but the spending money is up to her.

She needs to learn from mistakes.

The problem is you can't stop he as she is technically an adult even though she may be immature and not responsible.

If I could afford it I'd sort out her insurance for my own peace of mind and give her some jobs to do around the house to make a bit more cash before she goes. I think I'd be going for damage limitation and wanting to be able to sleep for the 7 nights she is away! It's so hard to start letting them be independent.

What are her friends like - do you trust them and are they more sensible?

So the money is a red herring. Mine all tracked abroad with friends from early teens. With parents, then alone. By lower and upper VI they were doing summer schools abroad and regularly holidaying in groups then pairs from university age. Where is she going and what are her friends like?
The first time they go is petrifying but it’s your job to equip them to be competent.

Why’s she vulnerable and wasn’t that relevant to your first post? You say she has a job so she’s responsible enough to do that. Where’s she going? And how would you prevent her from going?

Has she just done her a levels? Surely working at all is commendable in those circumstances?

I would also bung her a bit of money and pay for the insurance.

She will spend at least £50 in the airport before she goes anywhere! £200 is not enough....a girls holiday at 18...I'd be lookimg at least £650-£700 spends!

Id rather lend her more spending money so she'd money for taxi etc if separated from friends etc on nights out on the proviso that it's paid back.

In what way is she not sensible?

Because your comments sound very much like the ones I still get from my mum despite the fact I'm 50, have lived independently Ona dm off for the last 29 years, held down jobs, travelled abroad solo and raised a fabulous daughter who is about to graduate.

Are you sure you're not infantilising her out of your own anxieties?

It’s a rite of passage to go on holiday with your mates and be short of money. In saying that I’d be buying her insurance and I’d top up her spending money - I’d want my kids to have a fantastic time. There’s time enough for them to worry about money and budgeting.

I think you need to lighten up and let your 18yo enjoy what should be the best years of her life. It's only a few quid for travel insurance so you could purchase it for her. Depending on how long she is going for and where, £200 may be sufficient. If not, her friend has already said she will lend her money.

Buy her travel insurance and wave her off. She’ll have a fab time. She’s totally the right age to learn through experience!

How is she vulnerable? Does she have learning problems or disability? Or is she just inexperienced? It’s always hard letting your 18 year olds go on holiday for the first time but it’s an important step in becoming an adult.
I’d be giving her the money and paying for her insurance.

@Foreverautumnagain Where on earth do you get your insurance from?

OP can you not support her and be positive? Come up with a plan? Bring some joy to her life? Lend her the money and then get her to pay you back?

Bravo to her for being brave enough to go out on her own.

You sound a bit miserable to be honest.