AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

[ThisTealLeader]

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday.
She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure.
My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through.
I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money.
Would like people’s thoughts on this?

Thank you I appreciate the support.

Take copies of passport, insurance etc so you can help from afar if necessary

Any reason why you won’t just buy her the travel insurance for a few quid? Then she is covered?

My parents did this when I went away aged 19 and I ended up needing to go to hospital, was so grateful!!

I would also bung her a little extra cash the day before she travels, just in case.

Surely experiences like this will help her gain experience and independence.

Which is easily mitigated by spending about £15 on insurance.

This too!

It's clear that you're concerned @ThisTealLeader - if you advise her to cancel the trip, will she listen to you?

If not, your best options are to help her arrange travel insurance, make copies of her main passport pages in case she loses it, and be prepared to top up her up a bit financially on the trip. Not a huge amount, but enough to get by.

Not sure what else you can do given she's an adult.

I thought exactly the same when my now 35 year old son went to Turkey with a bunch of mates at 18. He didn’t have much cash but it’s a right of passage, just make sure she has insurance. Both my kids have traveled a lot more than I have and think nothing of hopping on a cheap flight to somewhere in Europe for the weekend. Encourage their adventures.

This is really rude. Maybe OP wasn’t in a position to add monthly to grow it.

The parents on here are probably going to their kids graduations and sports competitions why I was going to a&e and court cases. They don't get it.

At the age of 18 for the Ops daughter Im assuming op pays for the lessons as the daughter only works one day a week and they are so expensive, she can just not pay. Or buy her a car.. that makes it much easier to stop her driving until shes older and probably more mature and able to afford to do so herself.

I don't think many of the folk responding have read your updates because she's sounds like a bit of a loose cannon, sorry OP 🥺. I'm slightly concerned, especially the bit about the allegations.
No advice, but you have my sympathies.

HNRTF but you really must ensure she has travel insurance.At her age it would cost £20 max unless she has health issues.

I always buy my kids travel insurance, for my own piece of mind.
Print her off copies of her passpport to go at the bottom of her bag in case ahe loses it. And write down phone numbers she might need, in case she loses her phone.
Things that will help you sleep better even if she thinks its daft!

Me too,
she is 18 got a bit carried away with herself give her some money and make sure she has travel insurance, and tell her it is a one off.

Not up to OP to add funds to it, it’s up to DD to budget!

But DD needs to realise the importance of travel insurance and to manage her money!

if she doesn't have much money she could end up with a bloke she'd otherwise not go near, I'd make sure she had a bit more money and travel insurance.

If this was my daughter I would:

A) Take her shopping beforehand and make sure she has all basics she needs (take her to Savers and get her san pro, sun screen, after sun, deodorant, toothpaste, condoms (if there is any possibility she is or might become sexually active), insect repellent, plasters, paracetamol etc - not necessarily in the luxury brands she might want, but to make sure she has the basics she needs to stay safe, clean and healthy.

B) same with clothes - I would talk to her about what she is planning to take and buy her basics from Primark if she is short of anything she might need (bikini, sunshades, enough pairs of knickers....)

C) if it's self catering I'd buy her a load of noodles! My friends and I lived on these when we went on holidays at that age - it saves you a small fortune.

D) buy her travel insurance myself

E) offer her the choice to have additional spending money as her early birthday and Christmas present. (I'd stick to this too - she would only get a few small gifts for birthday/Christmas if she went for these options.)

F) Ask family members if they will do the same - any uncles or aunts, grandparents who would give her the money they would otherwise spend on stuff for her birthday)Christmas might be happy to give it now instead?

My goal would be to ensure my daughter had a great time, and learnt more about budgeting and living independently (which it sounds like she needs) while also being safe. If she fucks up with her money and spends it all in the first few days and can't go out partying for the last few, that's a lesson - but I wouldn't want her to be without sunscreen or basic food to eat in an attempt to economise!

Hopefully she will do well and have a great time! These experiences are so formative.....

Thank you, I don’t think they are.
They are serious allegations of which she didn’t tell us for many months. The ex is now on bail but keeps breaking it. She is partly blaming us for his behaviour saying that he started being worse to her when we stopped him coming into our house due to his behaviour. I know that is nothing to do with the holiday but just shows her emotional vulnerability I think. So hopefully people can see why I am concerned.

Yes I can afford to buy the insurance that isn’t the issue. It’s the point that she won’t listen just goes in her room and shuts the door. Says it’s none of my business!

@youalright Sorry to hear that.

From the OP's updates, I can understand why she's concerned. What can she do though if her DD doesn't voluntarily agree to cancel (aside from getting travel insurance, etc.)?

Aye the updates are of concern especially the one involving the police etc.
The daughter sounds like a walking liability.

That’s not a reason for her to not go on holiday with her friends. She’s had a bad relationship that doesn’t define her future life choices. She’s with friends.

My first is take out that insurance for her asap. It can’t be very expensive. Can you afford to help her out for her holiday? You’re only 18 for a short time

I know you say mild learning needs and also possible bpd but have you/she considered adhd?

Before the mumsnet - everyone jumps to adhd.

She sounds like me ie poss living a passport yup, sudden ideas and going on holiday without thinking it through costs/money/travel insurance/logistics

Also the emotional side to it (shouting/slamming doors/not listening) especially at this age.

Even now at 40 odd I have to send a text to a Korean adultier adult and say hey im thinking of buggering of on holiday at the weekend reckon thats a great idea for her to message back ok, but have you considered... this often puts my brakes on slowly and this is something I have learnt years after a late diagnosis.

It sounds like she’s going to go no matter what you say, so just buy the bloody insurance so she’s not the subject of yet another “go fund me” because she’s come a cropper!