AIBU to think my daughter cannot afford this holiday abroad?

[ThisTealLeader]

Daughter (18) has booked a holiday with friends abroad, didn’t tell us the full amount and then lied about how much spending money she has. They are going bed and breakfast. She will have less than £200 spending money for a week’s holiday. She has used savings to pay for the holiday.
She is saying that her friend will be lending her money if she falls short, which she will I am sure.
My point is she is not being sensible with her money. She only works one day a week and so she cannot actually afford it and hasn’t thought it through.
I think she needs to cancel as it is irresponsible in my opinion to be going abroad with no backup. As far as I am aware she hasn’t booked travel insurance and is reluctant to do so as this will eat into her spending money.
Would like people’s thoughts on this?

Now I can see why she didn't tell you the full price. I think if its her first holiday help her out and stop being controlling.

OP, she’s 18, and clearly wants to spread her wings a little. If she’s going with friends, she’ll be fine. You may think it’s an irrational thing to do: from her POV, she’s just going in holiday with her mates. I’d make sure she has insurance, and would probably get her some local currency to augment her £200 spending money - if you give her an allowance, you could frame it as an advance. I wouldn’t be happy to let my DD go abroad without enough money - that way she really could end up in trouble. Obviously you think it’s irresponsible of her when she can’t really afford it, but she will have memories that will last for the rest of her life. Help her to enjoy this bit if freedom - if she’s going to do it, she might as well do it safely.

£200 is doable but it'll be more a case of survival rather than lap of luxury. Still better than not going though! It'll be a good training ground for uni.
It'll be drinking cheap wine on the beach rather than in expensive clubs!
Is any food provided? Or self catering facilities? If so they can make basic meals very cheaply.
Insurance will be about £15, I've just arranged some for my nephew. Insurance is absolutely non negotiable.

I cannot believe you are trying to get an 18 year old to cancel a holiday rather than trying to find a way to support her.

Why don't you want her to go? The money seems to be a red herring - 'vulnerable' could be a problem but you didn't lead with that so it makes me think that it isn't anything major like learning disabilities.

Buy her some travel insurance, it will cost you a few pounds. Plus if she is going in Europe order her a medical card (GHIC) they are free and it means she can get free medical treatment in public hospitals. You still need insurance.

I’m all for letting my kids learn through life experiences and mistakes but travelling without insurance isn’t a lesson I’d let them learn the hard way.

Gosh you’re very negative about her, poor girl.

shes 18, of course she wants to go away with her friends, and she’s saved enough to do so. Buy her the travel insurance and stop being weird.

If she's vulnerable as you say she is then it's your duty to mitigate the risks and show her how to protect herself.

I would absolutely be topping up her spending money by £200 but on the 3rd/4th day so she doesn't blow it all in one go.

Buy her travel insurance

Get her to photocopy her passport and give you s copy and one for herself to keep

Encourage her to get the contraceptive jab and take condoms away with her.

Sit her down and go through all the risky situations and get her to come up with a plan to mitigate each situation.

Might be a good idea to get her a burner phone and encourage her to leave her main phone behind so she doesn't lose it.

Does she know how to keep herself safe? Is she a huge drinker and is she likely to make risky choices under the influence.

I'm just amazed how invested Mumsnet parents are in the doings of their adult children. Or in the willingness of their adult children to give their parents intimate details of their lives. My first trip abroad was when I was 21 and I was off to Morocco. My mother would have had a heart attack if I had told her as Morocco was not then a major tourist destination (1960s). She had no idea where Morocco was, how much the holiday had cost of how much spending money I had. Let alone whether or not I had taken out insurance (I had). I spared her worries by telling her we were flying to Gibraltar. So we were, then taking the ferry over to Tangiers. If I had told my mother some of my destinations while she was alive (Afghanistan, Iran, Syria, Egypt etc) she would have had a dozen heart attacks.

https://www.postoffice.co.uk/travel-insurance

She’s an adult - why do you think any of this is your business?

Will it? My dd paid £7 when she went to Paris and she’s anaphylactic to peanuts.

I would be buying travel insurance for her, for your own peace of mind

I’d just say ‘you will be eating a lot of toast’.

Too many posts to respond to individually so will answer as many as possible here. Vulnerable as in emotionally immature, still does a lot of shouting, screaming and door slamming. Puts herself in vulnerable positions with boys, doesn’t tell us where she is etc. Her ex- boyfriend is currently on bail for allegations she has made against him despite her continuing to see him for many months and not telling us what was happening.
She is undertaking a vocational course at college and has just taken her GCSEs maths and English for the third time and is still unlikely to pass so some mild learning needs.

Her friends are more sensible than her, one has already commented that she is worried about my daughter wandering off by herself.

They are going to a Greek island. Going in Saturday and only yesterday said that she is going, before that she was saying that nothing was booked despite it having been booked for weeks.

I have said she needs about £400-500 spends as a minimal.

Gosh. Maybe she needs to learn how to budget or prioritise! How on earth do you spend £50 in an airport?

My DS did this last summer. I bought him some travel insurance and a few new summer clothes. He had a great time. You can’t stop her - she’s an adult - and so you may as well be positive and supportive.

Why are you ignoring everyone suggesting you buy her travel insurance?

She's 18. This will be something she remembers for the rest of her life, and she'll also remember how you acted. Give her another £100 for the week and pay for insurance.

I understand but the op indicated that her dd was vulnerable so I took this to mean that she was either neurodiverse or had additional needs. These conditions would make a traveller abroad vulnerable to dodgy people. Although the op could be v protective, there's no way of knowing because she's not v forthcoming in her answers l.

She hasn’t saved it for this purpose. It was supposed to be for her car insurance. We are going to buy a car when she passes her theory test. So it was supposed to be kept for that.

Deffo get her insurance and a healthcare card (old EHIC one)

When my son went away last year, I ordered him some sun cream and he picked it up at the airport. At least I knew he would not burn then.

The rest, I let him crack on -2 pieces of advice I told him - not to go swimming after alcohol and not do do acrobatics off the balcony.

We HAVE to let them make mistakes and hope they aren't too catastrophic (hence the insurance)

Let her enjoy it / learn from it !

Shopping, drinks, food, books - we spend 3x that easily

This. I pay less than £100 for annual insurance for 4 adults, one with a declarable condition.

Part of growing up is making mistakes though and if she's with friends, surely they'd take care of her?

Yes, she should've saved more for this holiday. I'd buy her insurance for her and maybe get her one of those prepaid credit cards that she can use in an emergency, and pop a couple of hundred on if you've got it. She sounds like she's going to go anyway so for my own peace of mind I'd want to make sure she's covered a bit better. Saying that, make clear this is a one-off, so she doesn't expect a bail out every summer!

Just as easy to not spend that though.

Because she lives in our house and relies on us for everything! She pays no rent and does nothing around the house so she isn’t a fully independent adult.