AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

Well OP's update certainly puts things in a different light. No wonder the neighbours don't like you.

Yes I would. While we are like most normal people and would never have been able to buy a new property, pay to demolish it and rebuild while keeping our original house, we did have the option of living with my mum whilst our renovation was taking place. We chose not to do so - I only stayed with her for a short time because we agreed thst it wasn’t practical for me to live in a house without a bathroom and to sleep on a mattress on the floor at six months pregnant, and to still do an hour’s commute to work each day. Had I not been pregnant then I wouldn’t have considered staying with my mum.

I mean if you’re ripping out a charming cottage and replacing it with some grand designs new build then I can see why they wouldn’t be happy, but at the end of the day you’ve got the paper so crack on. They’re probably never going to like you and they might be hostile (to what extent depends on the people) but if it’s your dream home go crazy.

In the long run, you'll be judged by the community by what you add to it, not the house that was a pain in the arse for the immediate neighbours for a few months, but will soon become just another part of the street. Build your dream house, be as considerate as you can be to the neighbours while doing so, and then enjoy being an active part of the community you grew up in. It'll work out fine.

It is. Got the tee shirt and the scars.

Eek... I think this is probably the crux of it. I was waiting for something like this and here it is.
I think all you can do is get on with it, you can't control what other people think of you, but I feel this issue might have been lessened if your DH hadn't reacted like that.

That’s quite the drip feed! If your DH told them to F off then I’m not surprised they don’t like you. If you were really bothered about what people think you’d both have considered making more tactful approaches to your new neighbours before the swearing at them.

FWIW I hate to see brand new houses on over developed plots so I wouldn’t be thrilled either but you have planning permission so what can anyone do?

But OP’s circumstances may be different. Maybe she and her DH still need a home office to work from and can’t work from a building site.

Maybe as working architects OP and her DH need lots of desk space for their plans?!

You were able to commute, they might not have that as an option.

It doesn’t make sense to overlay one’s own situation onto someone else’s.

Just seen your last comment OP.

Wow. Your dh has really given everyone a shitty first impression there hasn't he!!

Yes they were rude to "suggest" he scale his plans back but responding like that with swearing and an I'll do what I want attitude won't have helped matters! 🤦

Is the house detached?

How long will all these works take?

I would HATE to live next door to these sorts of building works. 😔

In terms of being viewed as a young family, when I moved into my house nearly ten years ago there were a LOT of older residents who talked to us so patronising, and so bossily, they clearly thought they owned the whole street and were very vocal about people's bins, gardens, what direction people drove etc. 🙄 Nearly a decade later it's no longer a problem RIP. We did actually grow fond of these neighbours over time and they soon realised we were grown adults with jobs and families and were kind but that we wouldn't be bossed about.

You sound more measured than your husband. I'd suggest you chatting to the neighbours on either side and giving them a way to contact you if there's any problems. You want to be there a long time and you get more flies with honey than vinegar....

Gosh where we live when an old place comes down and an architect built dream house goes up when it comes on the market the price is treble.

Ha, knew it was reminding me of something.

Starting by immediately fulfilling the 'arrogant London wanker' stereotype is certainly a choice...

Agreed not a great look for us.

Oo that was a bit of a drip feed. Your husband needs to find those people and say sorry, properly. Make something up about being under extreme stress. Your neighbours are in a unique position to be a pain in the ass, and if a lot of them are retired they’ve got all day to be a pain in your arse. I get it from his POV btw, I can be really hot headed and I would probably have gotten annoyed at someone “suggesting” I scale something down - but you need to bite your tongue sometimes.

He is from the town over, played cricket in this area etc not a born and bred Londoner

He has. Later found out my parents knew them.

You sound rather naive, surprisingly so as you are an architect.

You will antagonise your neighbours if you speak of “buying your forever home” because it’s clearly not your forever home, it’s a building plot with a house that you’re going to turn (perhaps have already turned) into a pile of rubble. The forever home is still to be built.

The neighbours no doubt understand the planning process and know they can’t stop this, but they’re hardly likely to be enthusiastic.

It sounds like you both think that because you’re from the area that you deserve lots of acceptance and forgiveness.

I have tried to talk to my husband about it and he just says 'its our fucking family house, if they hate it that much they can go speak to the fucking council' We have had to scale back on things otherwise it would not have been approved. I guess in a way I care more about what people think than he does which is why I posted on here.

essentially told them to fuck off

What did he actually say?

So long as everyone is reasonable and understanding, it should be fine. I assume it broadly fits in with the character of the area or complements it, if you are architects. Obviously if it was like a flying saucer nestled in amongst thatched cottages, it would be a shame. So others need to accept it. It annoys me that people can have these prejudice views about ‘london types’. I was in London for quite a while but thankfully I seemed to have been allowed to move out. We all just need to try and be nice to one another and our jealousy in check.

I think you guys might just have to crack on with a “don’t hate me cuz you ain’t me” mentality while the house is sorted and then become actual pillars of the community/ model citizens for the rest of your lives 😂 just organise an absolute rager of a village fate and hopefully it will be forgotten

I don't but maybe he does

I know once everything is all built we can just get on with our lives. He has acted so entitled the whole time because he is upset that we have had to change a few things, we were aware of this but deep down he probably thought he would get everything

He sounds awful op .

I 'm starting to wonder if this thread is a reverse? It doesn't make sense to portray yourselves in such a bad light
Ahhhh yes - and we go to Church but are certainly not Christians A reverse makes more sense.