AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

Having read your update OP I don’t think it’s the DFL - more the back from London. You grew up there, family goes back generations and are big fishes in that small pond. You choose an established road to return to and people were probably happy for you. Then you leave it empty and present them with grand plans because you don’t like what they like, but still want to live among them. You are both architects so it’s difficult for them to exactly articulate their fears at planning stage, now it’s happening you aren’t even going to have to experience what they are.

Living in discomfort for ages to please the neighbours is taking self-flagellation too far. Would you do it yourself?

We had a similar response when we bought. property that needed a full gut renovation, it required no planning permission, but did need building regs for structural work. The neighbours were very angry that we weren’t living there (with our then 2 year old), but instead in a flat a short distance away. We asked that they call directly if any issues, no one ever called. People without money to renovate do seem to like complaining about those who do. Yawn.

A twat couple did this on our street and 4 years in everyone hates them and they have no community involvement. They look miserable.

But they have a massive house. Yay for them!

Why are you so bothered by this?

Is it because you bought the house for the community and now realise that they are not going to be as welcoming as you hoped?

I’ve demolished a house and rebuilt. Neighbours hated us afterwards and I couldn’t care less. We just made sure everything was above board so no legal repercussions. We were as accommodating as we could be (more than we needed to) but that stopped when they became abusive. They moved a couple of years later and we now have an amazing house and lovely neighbours.

You seem to have expectations of how they should behave based on your family ties to the area, I’m really not clear why. Lots of people also don’t want to live near young children - they are often loud. You are bringing a lot of disruption, now and potentially on an ongoing basis, which you are very entitled to do. But you can’t be surprised not everyone is happy about it but that is their problem, not yours.

That’s hit the nail on the head. It’s the entitlement becuse ‘we’ve got planning permission’ but no regard at all for the utter misery which may drag on for well over a year for the people who have to put up with the hell of living on a building site.
When new builds are built the builders offer incentives to get people to buy the first houses because everyone knows it’s an utter misery living where there’s building happening.
No regard for the neighbours at all.
Just ‘we’ve got loads of money ergo we can do what we want’.

I have a building site opposite me at the moment. So far, their delivery lorries have reversed through my fence twice.
They have site alarms that go off randomly overnight keeping the entire village awake, once for an entire bank holiday weekend. Their "emergency number" is never answered. Now they have installed a blinding green light to illuminate their building stores to discourage theft at night. The local teens have taken to trying to shoot it out with air rifles. 😁

I've left my broken fence flat (they haven't apologised or offered to mend it), and allowed all the weeds to grow along the verges as have my neighbours who have suffered the same. The place looks a complete mess.
Their marketing suite opened in June 25. They've only sold 10% of the houses, due to interest rates, silly prices and the road looking dreadful. It's a small local developer and if they go under, none of us will be sorry. What goes around, comes around !! They should learn some manners..

I highly doubt anyone cares that you're from there. They'll care about their day-to-day life. How are they meant to do laundry, WFH, have birthday parties, read a book in their gardens... etc etc.

The best thing you can do for all the people around you (3 or 4 doors down in each direction, including the street behind and in front) is to give them a schedule of works so they know what days are totally off the table for them to do anything in their own homes. Keep in touch with them, give them accurate information, explain what you and your builders are doing to ensure their properties are left as they are (my neighbour's builders plonked a portapotty on my drive once!) and give them your contact details to call when the many, many things go wrong. You need to be visible and present as much as possible.

'Unsociable' hours in my area are outside 7am-7pm so that's a very long day by the letter of the law. There are 'suggestions' for 'ideal' timings for really noisy work but no one cares about that. I'd talk to your builders and see what sorts of things they can suggest - aware they can't just sit around for days and days but they should limit really noisy stuff to 9-2 or whatever so at least the neighbouring children have a chance to play in their own gardens.

There's no way to force anyone to be happy for you - they won't be. And I disagree that memories are short. Everyone will absolutely know who you are, and your intention to also avoid the local schools will also be noted. It doesn't really matter though - you have family around, your husband doesn't seem bothered by making friends with the neighbours, and you will be there long enough to outlast some of the people who will hate this most if all goes to plan.

We hope once the work is finished, we'll just become part of the community like anyone else, we are already involved in the community. I know not everyone will agree with what we're doing and that's absolutely their right.

I think that will depend on whether having built your home you stay in it. People will come round but it won’t be overnight. I’m afraid DFL is a thing, and you will be tarred with that brush even though you consider yourself a local. Btw, your DH’s attitude doesn’t sound helpful to making peace with your neighbours.

So if it's all so fine and fabulous and you don't really mind what the neighbours think about you.... Why the AIBU?

You’re giving it too much headspace OP. You have done everything right, it’s been approved, so just crack on with it.

People like to have something to moan about. Once your house is finished, probably before that even, they’ll have found something else.

Be like your husband and worry less about what others think. Enjoy your home.

There must be an awful lot of absolute fools then, because so many have commented that building something very different to the rest of the area, does not make for good neighbourly relations.

No one is suggesting that houses on a street must be identical, but surely no one would think that a house that is very different in style and character would fit with traditional properties.

For me, if there was nothing wrong with the existing house, I think it’s shockingly wasteful and bad for the environment to knock down a house to build a new one. I really think it should only be allowed if the house is very derelict and uninhabitable.
Councils shouldn’t be granting planning permission for this if the existing house is usable. There are a couple of places in Watford where they knocked down the lovely big 1920s houses and replaced with modern eyesores. We are in the middle of a bloody climate crisis and building is really bad for it.
Feckless people.

That's funny, our house is Georgian and we wanted permission to turn the two attached garages on either side back into wings. I'd have loved square glass boxes, but house is listed, so we didn't have that option, and to be fair, they're visible from the street.

All the period detail had been stripped out and we opted not to replicate it, but to try to work with the proportions and flow of the house while preserving historical material instead, which ended up working well.

Adding that I'm just surprised the OP is surprised about the objections. Most architects are pretty adept in understanding that dynamic.

Yes I would if necessary but we have always bought houses that were right for us. If we had wanted a huge six bedroom house we would have bought one, and not bought a four bed and extended it. If I’d wanted a modern house with an open plan ground floor, I would have bought one, not bought an older house with character and knocked it to buggery. But when we moved into our current house, it was almost derelict and needed a lot of renovation work - for example it didnt have a kitchen or working bathroom, just a toilet. I moved in with my mum for four weeks because I was six months pregnant, but my husband lived here from the day we competed. I moved back from the day the new bathroom was installed and working, and we lived in a building site for many months whilst our kitchen was installed - our bedroom and the baby’s bedroom were finished a couple of days before she was born, and the bathroom was finished off whilst I was in hospital. We didn’t have a usable living room for about a year, and spent our evenings sitting on a single bed in what is now our dining room. We cooked on a two ring grill and microwave in one of the bedrooms for three months until the kitchen was ready - it really wasn’t a problem. None of the work we did needed planning permission bwcause we were restoring the house and not changing the layout or structure, and our neighbours were delighted that we were restoring it to how it was intended to be. We did a lot of the work ourselves but when we used builders, we made sure that work never started before 9 am and was finished by 5, and always warned our neighbours on the rare occasion thst anything particularly noisy was due to happen.

DH hasn't exactly made the best first impression a few weeks ago and i think that has exacerbated I wasn't there, so this is just the gist of what happened.

He was at the property with a contractor, walking around and talking through the plans when a local couple walked past with their dog. They asked if he was the new owner he said yes and they started chatting. The couple suggested that we might want to scale the plans back a bit. DH took that badly and in the heat of the moment, essentially told them to fuck off that he'd do what he wanted and if they had a problem they should take it up with the council because everything had already been approved.

I was really annoyed when I heard about it. We did find out where they lived and turns out they know my parents so that was not great. Dh has since apologised and they accepted his apology, I think they only really accepted it because of my parents. Even so I don't think it was a very good look and I've told him as much.

Just ignore them, you have permission. They'll get over it

Its a but strange all right - they said it was too wide from the view of the road - however we have a huge long drive up so can barley see it 😐
Ours is not listed though -

I know of a similar situation, the new owner of a property on a very small 50 yr old development intends to level it and build a brand new Scandi box.

It will be fabulous I’m sure, but completely at odds with its neighbours which have all retained some of the character and features of the original design.

Fortunately this is not in the UK and the local planning laws take account of neighbour concerns, but the community reaction has been significant.

I’m surprised that as architects you haven’t considered the context of the building as well as its stand alone design.

But would you have lived on a building site for ages if you had had the use of your other home not too far away?

Oh dear after your DH interaction with the neighbours they are definitely going to hate you. I’d never want to be in your shoes. I like having neighbours I get on with. I’d have listened to their concerns and if possible made a few small tweaks. It’s not too late to row back and doo this. You might live with these people for 30 years.

Ouch. That is way more than ‘not a good look’, that is outrageously rude behaviour. It does make me wonder what other bad behaviour you’re minimising.

For your parents friends/acquaintances to tell you that you might want to scale back, that makes me think your neighbours have a point.

OP I hope this thread has been useful for you. Maybe you expected people to say your neighbours are NIMBYs. As an architect and now developing your own home, you can see people’s day-to-day concerns which can’t really be voiced (or taken into account) at planning stage. I think for you it’s precisely because you’ve returned to your home town/village. Be considerate but stop looking at the WhatsApp groups! If you’d bought somewhere new - even your partner’s near village - would you feel the same?
I have a very small example - we had new neighbours, I saw the man and he said his wife wouldn’t move in until he’d whitewashed everywhere because of the awful paint choices. Yes, those awful paint choices that my lovely friend had made over time, that I’d seen because our young children had been in and out of each others’ houses, over the fence, where I’d babysat... I was civil all the time they were there but never warmed to them. Just a touch of tact needed.

What a delightful man your DH is

I 'm starting to wonder if this thread is a reverse? It doesn't make sense to portray yourselves in such a bad light

Good grief. If I was the neighbour I’d think they were bonkers if they did that unnecessarily. 😂