AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

Knocking down and rebuilding a house is a huge intrusive project no matter how considerate you try to be. They don't have to be happy about it. It's unlikely the neighbours can visualize the end result and are upset about the change. It might sour things for a while but if you're really in it for the long haul, I'm sure they'll get over it.

I think it’s awful when people buy a house, knock it down to completely rebuild -
while they live somewhere else.
The poor poor neighbours.
All of the noise, disruption, mess, parking disruptions, -for how long? A year?
It’s incredibly selfish.
Yes, obvs you can do it -architects know their ways round planning laws which won’t have been missed by the neighbours.
Build your big house -your neighbours will never ever like you .
I feel really sorry for your neighbours.
It’s all just so ME ME ME . Make sure to tell them you’ve paid for it outright too -they will be as impressed as we are.
You probably won’t make as much on it as you hope as you will no doubt have to declare a dispute .

There's no point naval gazing about it.

You're doing it, or you're not. You wanted the land to rebuild a house exactly how you wanted. They would have preferred you to leave the existing house alone for someone who wanted to live in that house; and not make them live in a building site. You won't both be happy.

It's an irrelevance that you've been through the planning process, really, because you can't object because you don't like it or think the old house should remain. The reasons to object are specific.

So you go ahead; and just don't expect to have much of a community with the neighbours, they likely won't forgive you for a few generations. It's not the end of the world if you were moving for the location and the potential for your dream house. If you wanted the community too, maybe rethink the plans.

That's the only decision you have, though. You can't change how they feel about it. Pick a path and move forward. Everyone will have to get used to it.

But they are "entitled" to do this, you know.
Fuck everyone else that has to endure the coming months/years of absolute hell.

Can you go around to the immediate neighbours with bottles of prosecco or whatever as a way of softening the blow? We did this - we didn't have any work planned, but we did it when we all moved into our new builds a few years ago just to say hello. It worked wonders and we get on with everyone now.

Otherwise, you followed the correct process and you aren't breaking any laws, so they will just have to accept it. Ask yourself if they would care about you so much if they were the ones having work done. My guess is no.

I'm surprised by this too. We did a major renovation in London and the neighbours were thrilled as the house was a derelict eyesore, but even then there were niggles and complaints, almost every one of which our architects anticipated.

We didn't live in the house during the process - it was uninhabited and unihabitable when we bought it - so did quite a lot of communicating about what we were doing and when, made sure we were visiting the site often. We knew it was going to be disruptive, so put some effort into getting people onside before we started - organised drinks at the local to allow people to look at the plans before we put in for planning, tried to plan noisy works to have later starts during school holidays and around exams, joined the neighbourhood WhatsApp group, left Christmas bottles on neighbours' doorsteps, etc.

Maybe spend a bit of time trying to bring people around on what you're doing? Also not sure why or how your age is an issue?

OP, your DH, apparently object to being a pariah in the neighbourhood, so you’ll probably have to join him in accepting that you will not be accepted in your neighbourhood, whether or not you lived there previously.

I assume, as others have said, that the house you intend to build will be very much out of character with the street and the area and we have all seen those examples on TV programmes. They simply don’t fit with the architecture of the area.

Given that your children won’t be going to local state schools, you’re unlikely to develop relationships with local families and I think you’re going to be ostracised in the local community. That’s fine if you don’t care, but having decent neighbours and a community spirit is beneficial. You won’t have that and living in a wonderful (to you) house won’t be of benefit if you need help and support at any time. Good neighbours are very important. You’ve ensured that you won’t be and you won’t have that.

It's actually quicker to knock down a house & build a new one than to do an extension and rejig the interior of an existing house

I agree with your DH. I totally understand why you might be worried but this will blow over ….. or it won’t.

Either way you are doing nothing wrong , you have followed planning laws etc.

Don’t be too apologetic for the work - is everyone meant to just never do any building work.

Are you detached - if yes then it’s even less of a problem.

This probably won't make me popular, and I'm sure it won't have been fun to live attached to a build like that during the works, but I really love that. It's one of the things I love about London, the way the old and the new, past and progress stand shoulder to shoulder.

Did the lady recognise you? Agree with PP comments regarding people moving from ‘there’ to ‘here’ and then wanting to make ‘here’ like ‘there’ as it happens where I live too. You (and your contractor) should repeat the mantra that you’re returning home to raise your children and be close to GPs as you’ve missed the area so much. Name drop if need be! Hopefully that will get people onside, certainly works where I am, lots of people leave home for Uni, build their careers then return to raise their own DC. Nobody bats an eyelid at this but they’re very wary of incomers!

You can expect all you want, but realistically people will rightly be pissed off at long term noise/dust/disruption

You are entitled to rebuild and they are entitled to not like it (and possibly not like you by extension)

Only absolute fools will ostracise someone because they don’t like how their house is designed.

Provided the home is well kept and within planning guidelines, who cares.

Why would anyone be so petty as to say that all houses must look the same. If they were of any historic or design value they would be listed.

Plough on Op and don’t consider these kind of people - you wouldnt want to be friends with them and I am guessing it’s mainly older people who will be vocal.

It's not the design so much as the years of disruption that can really cause problems.

It's never going to be a great way to start neighbourly relations

it will blow over. they are probably a bit more snotty about this because they sort of know you.

it will be mostly forgotten in a year or so and something else will come along to moan about.

then someone else will buy a house on the road and do the same, be less nice than you about it and you will have a glow up in comparison.

save your worries for something more worthy

But I don’t think it will blow over. Aside from our current arsehole neighbours whose building project has been going on for nearly a year now, we had neighbours on the other side who did a huge invasive extension about ten years ago. There were 12 formal objections to the planing application, it was considered by the full Planning Committee, which is very unusual where we are, and it was still agreed. No-one spoke to the neighbours in the three years they lived here afterwards, and then they buggered off and left the new people to sort out all the problems their inept builders had caused with the house.

So your house will now be totally different to the other houses in the street?

Its your house, you've got all the necessary planning in place so of course you can go ahead, but that doesn't mean your neighbours have to like it. My 80yo MIL has just had planning notification through that her immediate neighbour wants to do a massive double storey extension + loft conversion / dormer on her adjoining wall. They havent spoken to her in advance, havent been to discuss a party wall agreement, explained how the will minimise disruption for her. They plan to rip out a beautiful mature hedge between the gardens. Ive looked at the plans and they will be approved as seem quite standard, but the way they've gone about it is completely unneighbourly in my opinion. Have you made an effort to engage with the neighbours personally? Not just through letters / planning etc?

This has happened to a friend of mine.

She has lived next door to a building 'project' for two years now. She's a semi so it's caused damage to her house which she's had to fight for compensation.

He's totally ripped out a lovely Victorian house to 'fit in with his needs'.

There are many new builds which would have done just that.

I'll never understand the thinking

Planning Permission doesn’t affect how people feel.

Get the project started and completed as efficiently as possible with considerate contractors , put right every tyre gouge in the verges etc.

Then when you move in and get to know them, chat about growing up and family, they will stop seeing you as faceless entitled DFLs and see you as normal friendly neighbours

You are reasonable in building whatever home you like - you got all the permissions and did everything by the book

You are unreasonable in expecting your neighbours to like it

How have the neighbour concerns been communicated to you? If you have heard from individuals, maybe visit them and explain in person what the plans are for the future and ask if there are any ways you can make the building period easier for them. These are your future neighbours and it would be best to treat them as individual human beings with their possibly valid concerns - it would be an investment in a happy future for you all. The4y need to get to know you as people rather than *rich Londoner" names on a planning application.

Living at odds with your neighbours is not good and anything you can do to head this off at the pass would be an investment in your future.

Completely agree with this. You haven’t done anything wrong, but the neighbours aren’t unreasonable to be unhappy about it either.

I personally don't think we'll be forever ostracised from the community, my own parents are VERY active within this community as life long members. I grew up in this area; we're not just spoilt Londoners trying to infiltrate. My father's father's father was from this area. If we are ostracised forever because of this, then fair enough. I can't argue with that. People are free to do as they please. We'll be respectful neighbours when we move in and just continue our lives.

The reason I mentioned our ages is because I've been nosy and looked at the local Facebook page, and quite a few of the locals have mentioned our age. We're apparently one of the "young ones" in the area. They see us as a young family, although we're 35 and 37. I wouldn't class us as young, but hey ho.

We're both part of this community. DH didn't grow up in this exact area like I did, but he grew up a town over. He played, and still plays, cricket here, and he's been involved in the community in lots of other ways. We go to church here when we're staying with my parents. DH and I are certainly not Christians, but my parents are, and they like the children to go to Sunday school, especially our eldest, who loves it and has made friends there and is socialising, enough for a few of the children he has met have been to his birthday party in London. I do not think we are hated that much but you never know. DH is much more firm on this than I am and is not bothered. if people are bothered since we went through the right channels but like people have mentioned that is not enough.

We're not going to be crazy. We're just a family trying to start a life somewhere that isn't London. This is our forever home. We won't be selling it any time soon, and we're not "modernising" it in the way people seem to think. I completely understand why some people might be upset. Building work is disruptive, and it's an old house with lots of character. We'll be keeping/replicating plenty of that while also making it our own. We'll do everything we can to be considerate, make sure the builders and everyone involved are respectful, and stick to the permitted working hours. It's not as though there will be people working late into the evening or first thing in the morning but I do understand it is disrupted and it certainly does not look good that we have a flat in London that we stay at whilst the neighbours have to endure the disruptive work

My husband was made redundant a couple of years ago and as we are getting on a bit we decided to use the money to buy a holiday flat as we dont see us managing to go abroad in a couple of years. It had belonged to a really old man and needed gutted. I bought the immediate neighbours a basket of flowers each and a big tub of sweets for the people in the shop next to it and I put a wee card saying sorry in advance for the noise and upheaval that was going to take place in the next year. We never had any complaints, at least not to our faces.