AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

@WarmLimeLurker The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here... exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children.

Yes, I understand this. I've been in a similar position myself. Thing is, @WarmLimeLurker, is that's probably not how locals now see you. I grew up in a semi-rural area, but I'll always be the one 'who moved away'.

You seem to be focused on the technical steps and processes - planning permission, being an architect, etc. Fine. But I think you also need to work much harder on the social and community aspects of your move.

Have you or DH started to make an unpaid contribution to the community? Volunteering, joining local clubs and societies, making yourselves visible in a positive and constructive way (but not 'taking charge' of anything either).

If you're already making these efforts, then, great. If not, you need to. Small communities have long memories and life may become tiresome. You need to start repairing relationships alongside your move.

The reason people don’t like London types is because it is SO common for them to move to an area and demand immediate change of everybody. They are so often also not community minded, won’t talk to neighbours and think country life is simply a dress up party and some riding lessons for little dottie. Not the case for you as you are from the location, but you have to consider what ‘being from London’ means for most communities in the UK - that they are about to receive arsehole neighbours.

How long should building take ?

agree a party and small gifts may help

I live in Cornwall this happens very often Residents who have lived there hate change and to some people the house you are pulling down is perfectly livable so wasting money to knock it down.Just go ahead but some people will feel you are changing things which you are and like to complain.Don’t worry once it is built they will forget all about it just hope the builders are considerate Enjoy your new home.

You might have misunderstood ? I do not think it will improve the house price?

If you're building a grey house with enormous glazing, pale grey render, a front door (charcoal coloured) with a 2m vertical pole to open it, and turning the front garden into parking - YABU

No one likes living next to building works, but at some point most of us are going to be the one doing some kind of building/disruptive work, so live and let live. However, when I was gearing up for a longish project (2-3 months) I chatted to my neighbours to see what I could do to minimise disruption/arrange not to have noisy work going on when they were hosting special occasions etc

However, I really think it depends what work you're doing. I live on quite a pretty road, with period houses, trees, lovely front gardens etc. Recently someone has bought a house and is changing it to a white and grey box, stripping out the period features, turned the whole front garden into a carpark, and wants to remove a tree so they can access said carpark. I just think, you obviously liked the look of the road - why buy here and they destroy that look for everyone else? It's not going down well!

Everyone has extensions and refurbishment though. What are doing to cause such outrage to be even discussed on FB?

Just power through. You wanted the house, you like <or liked lol> the area. Tbh it's not the greatest start to a happy life within the community but I'm sure they'll get over it.

You'd think there'd have been a more appropriate house tbh without the need for such excessive works.

There's a modern glass and metal house on the approach to my town from a bypass. When you enter town from the eastern end, the first thing you see is this rectangular building that everyone locally calls "the rusty shed". Everyone hates it.

What's especially sad is that it obscures the view of a beautiful Queen Anne house that was the first building visible, and now you can't see it at all.

God knows how they got planning permission for it, almost the entire town is a conservation area and it's in a National Park. The planners are so strict that when my friend had to have the clay tiles on the upper part of her early Victorian cottage rehung, a planning officer rocked up within half a day of the work starting to check that they weren't using modern tiles and were replacing broken ones with "heritage" tiles.

Needless to say, rumours of bribery were rife whenever the Rusty Shed was discussed.

I grew up in the area, went to school there etc. My parents still live in the same area, same house my siblings and I lived in. I understand it is hard for the locals but I would say I am a local too, I went to University and after that had to live in London for work now we are ready to move out, better prep schools here for our children and slightly more affordable for us.

I voted YABU because you're unreasonable to give this so much head space.

The most ordinary people can turn into absolute loons when building work takes place near them and seem to feel like they have a say when they really don't.

You're going to have to grow a thick skin, put some firm boundaries in place and crack on with your works. You have your planning permission. Be a considerate neighbour and ensure your builders are considerate too. And crack on. Don't entertain any of their bullshit.

Is the new build similar in style to the surrounding homes? Or a completely different size/ character?

are they simply jealous?

can you see any reasoning to their objections at all?

If you're knocking down a house and building a new one from scratch that will be a massive disruption. I wouldn't like it either!

Like lots of things, you haven't done anything wrong but that doesn't mean everyone has to like it. It's hugely, hugely disruptive to live next door to building works for months (years?). You can be courteous and mindful of times and such, but there's no getting away from the fact these people won't be able to enjoy their own homes for a very, very long time. And if you're knocking down a house that's similar to what they have, they probably also take your disdain a bit personally if they have strong roots in the community.

There's no real fixing this - you have followed procedure, they probably put in objections that were ignored as they usually are, and on you go. But you couldn't really have expected to be welcomed with open arms in this situation. In 5-10 years or so when all your neighbours are different I'm sure they'll forget about it! (People have startlingly long memories for this sort of thing. My neighbours behind us are in the original homes, my estate was build in the 90s and they 'still' mentioned it the few times I've met them in the street)

"You seem to be focused on the technical steps and processes - planning permission, being an architect, etc. Fine. But I think you also need to work much harder on the social and community aspects of your move.

Have you or DH started to make an unpaid contribution to the community? Volunteering, joining local clubs and societies, making yourselves visible in a positive and constructive way (but not 'taking charge' of anything either).

If you're already making these efforts, then, great. If not, you need to. Small communities have long memories and life may become tiresome. You need to start repairing relationships alongside your move."

@ExpressCheckout has nailed it. This with bells on.

@WarmLimeLurker - nothing you have said so far suggests you have given any real consideration to your neighbours socially. Your DH's attitude seems to be that your neighbours should just suck it up because you are getting what you want so that's all that matters and screw everyone else. That's pretty selfish and likely to be counterproductive to creating positive neighbourly relationships. It is your future neighbours who have to live alongside the headache of a very substantial building project and who may have a sense that a family which imposes that on all their future neighbours without giving a second thought to their neighbours' comfort and convenience might be rather selfish and inconsiderate neighbours. .

And I think many of us are picking up on the fact that you bought the current property for the land and not for the house itself; you have not said what your plans actually are but it sounds like you may be planning to build something which is very modern and not particularly in keeping with the surrounding area. Sorry if I have that wrong. We have good family friends who gutted the interior of their house but kept the exterior and perhaps that is in fact what you are planning to do. But if you're planning to introduce something very modern into a street full of older houses then - no - your neighbours don't have to be happy with that.

So I think you are right to be a bit concerned about this and to think about how you could show recognition that this is disruptive and you are not completely indifferent to the comfort and convenience of your future neighbours. Ensuring the builders behave well and observe rules is important. Also, perhaps, a contribution which benefits the local community and/or presents and/or some social offer. Some people will likely always grumble but others may appreciate some appropriate gestures.

That’s really selfish of him. I hope that trait doesn’t affect your life too much.

If I was you I would try to be a bit more understanding

You are putting your new neighbours through major works that you do not have to suffer yourself due to your privilege and wealth.

If you want to settle into this neighbourhood one day I recommend you go round face to face and try to listen to their worries and accomodat3 them

You win people over being nice and considerate not by saying well we have planing permission.

We had this. Neighbours doing a massive renovation. They didn’t live there. We did. Two DC doing GCSEs and A level, and my mum living with us as she was dying from cancer. It wrecked the last few months of her life.

Just because planning permission has been granted doesn't mean that the neighbours won't be adversely affected. An remodelling in my street resulted in a pretty front garden being paved over for a driveway (with less on-street parking for everyone else), and the immediate neighbour was overshadowed by an extension cutting out the light from their small patio. A few people objected, but it got permission.

I don't know how it’s relevant that you bought it outright or how your neighbours know that information, but move your asses out of the flat and into a caravan on site.

I think that part should be conditional on getting planning! You’re entitled to your building project, but I don’t know how anyone dares put their neighbours through a massive project like this without having to live through it themselves. You need to be there to sort out any issues as and when they happen and experience how disruptive it is yourselves, how else will you know if any of your neighbours concerns are valid?

Imo planning permission is a fairly low bar. Planning was recently granted to someone near me to double the size of his house, taking it right up to both boundaries, overlooking neighbours' gardens and even installing clear, overlooking first floor windows. Yes, there may be a few tweaks in the planning process but just because a house has received authorisation, it does not mean it is fully in keeping with the area and doesn't have any impact on neighbours. People accept the outcome because they have no choice, but it doesn't mean they respect the neighbour or like what they're doing. Often, quite reasonably imo, people expect incomers to be community-minded, which means considering their neighbours above and beyond the level of legal obligation.

I assume that although you've followed local style guidance, the house is going to look 'architectural' and will be bigger than the surrounding houses. I would suggest really listening to the objections of your neighbours and considering with an open mind whether they have a point. Your aesthetic may be a 'down from London' look, even if you were originally a local. Obviously, legally you have a right to plough on but you'll feel better about doing that if you've taken their objections seriously even if you don't end up making any changes.

When we moved into our house, the previous owner had done a renovation about three years before. The next door neighbour transferred her grudge over to us, as if we'd done the project! 😁

Yes but no chance of finding anyone to enforce it!

I like this idea, it should be law.
the premise that something is too noisy and dusty for one’s own family, but absolutely fine for our inferior neighbours leaves a horrible taste.

many people have asked throughout the thread what the ops family has done to consider the neighbours and community during the build, the silence would suggest the answer is ‘fuck all.’

You followed due process; therefore, you should make a start. Neighbours will always have something to say.

I hate building noise, but that's why I have a detached home away from neighbours.

Happy renovating.

We're in a small cul de sac. There's a big plot of empty land after two years of objections planning has finally been agreed for three houses. They'll have miniscule land around them. Will it be a ball ache traffic wise, noise wise, yes of course during construction. Our council has instructions to get 6000 properties built. By the government. Which won't happen, but every little helps.

@WarmLimeLurker is an architect so will have ensured all planning restrictions are met.

People will calm down once it's finished.