AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

Building your own home will be extremely stressful for both of you, even if you are architects. This is probably affecting your judgement as well as being pregnant.
There has been some absolute garbage written in this stream e.g about how awful people from London are; most of my neighbours are young families who migrated from London, they are charming and have really energised the neighbourhood. I'm sure your house will be fabulous and all the curmugeonly neighbours will change their tune. DH may have been a bit rude but so were the couple who think they have a right to tell you what to do.

The way some people find joy baffles me! ‘If the neighbours don’t like it tough’ - oh right. OP won’t say whether her new ‘forever home’, impedes on her neighbours ‘forever homes’, for all we know her house could be casting her neighbours loved and cared for back garden into total shade and ruining their enjoyment of their home and to top it off her husband acts like a total twat because what he wants he gets and he gives not a single shit about anyone else including how OP fees by the sounds of it. Lovely guy. Yes, they’ve got planning permission, but planning permission doesn’t mean that it doesn’t affect other people. OP came here asking if her neighbours should ‘accept it’, not for help.

I doubt we will have this child. (I don’t need judgment on us being careless etc I am aware) I think there’s too much going on my husband seems to be having a crisis and acting out it would be silly to have another child. I struggled a lot with my mental health with our youngest and he was amazing during that time so it’s sad for me to see this side of him.

DH and I are both architects
So one of those 'oh look at me' monstrosities that are not in keeping with the street, stick out like a sore thumb and are over designed?
I hope your builders will be leaving the street clean every day, keeping the noise as low as possible and not taking all the parking?
Nothing worse than the street/road you live on looking like a building site just because Mr & Mrs I can do what I want don't think the houses are good enough and want a huge box with windows!
I say this as a person whose DH has a building company that does sympathetic renovations and won't touch the pull down of old building not in keeping projects no matter how much £££ someone has, cleans the site aand the road every evening before they leave and is as clean,tidy and quiet as possible, we have also done many renovations of our own homes, with out changing the vibe of the street and have actually pushed the prices up in the street.
Our next project is building from scratch but the land is not on a street, has no neighbours and isn't a box made of windows trying to look edgy/trendy.

@WarmLimeLurker I think you need a break. You sound worn down with everything.
Our friends built a house and it was extremely stressful and their dc are adults.
Don't worry about your dh, practise some self care.

This is the Hauer-King house I mentioned previously - took these walking back just now. It looks great inside (from photos and TV programme) but very neglected outside. It just looks sad now, and more tired than its elegant neighbours. I like contrast, and change, but I think a better job could’ve been done on this plot.

Architects have varied tastes for themselves. They build what the client wants.

I know one who's restoring a 600 + years cottage. It's got no foundations, the stone from an old lookout castle was used to rebuild it. The modern render has been removed, ditto the plasterboard. Finally the cottage can breathe again. When the modern ceiling came down they found strange timbers from a boat. Part of the original crog loft. So the crog loft is being restored. The rear 70s flat roof extension has been removed as has the brieze block wall which blocked an amazing view.

The walls are very thick the windows tiny. The rooms small. But it will be charming to their eyes when done.

The renovation is costing double what demolition and new build would cost. But once done should be fine for another few hundred years. 😊

I think I'd be most worried about the impact on your children of his behaviour. They get no choice who they're with day to day in school and they'll need to mix with the community. He needs to really rein it in. Although he might end up with no one willing to work on it based on your posts

That's quite an amount of detail you've managed to have about a house you've never seen and people you've never met.

You've assumed it's an oversized glass box, that we think we're better than everyone else, that we won't care about our neighbours, that the builders will park everywhere and leave a mess etc. None of that is based on anything I've actually said.

I completely understand why people don't like living next to building work. Neither would I. That's why we're trying to make it as painless as we can. There will inevitably be some disruption but we'll do everything reasonably possible to minimise it.

It's also a bit ironic that you're accusing me of having an "I can do what I want" attitude while deciding what our home must look like without having seen the plans. We're not building a vanity project. We're building the home we intend to raise our family in. What we are building isn’t two dissimilar to what other houses around the area look like.

You may still dislike the idea of buying an house then completely changing it from scratch and that's absolutely your prerogative. I'd just rather be judged on what we're actually doing than on a version of us that's been imagined.

Yes we live in London, yes we are I guess taking over but I feel as though it’s a place I grew up I think it is okay for us to move here or anywhere really. DH and I haven’t had issues with our neighbours before we have lived together for 13 years, we’ve lived in a few places and always got on well with our neighbours. I hope we do here but also everyone is entitled to not be okay with us or dislike us, I guess I’ll just have to get over. J do care what people think of us but I also can’t control that, we can only try our best to be as smooth with everything as possible. We do plan to move in and get on with our lives, maybe they’ll get over it and maybe not. Time will tell.

All in all I will agree with you to avoid the back and fourth I didn’t come here to argue. I’ve been struggling lately and things haven’t been great for my husband (his doing but still) and the house has just added to the stress (maybe it is my fault and maybe I deserve it for wanting to build a house) but I just wanted an outlet that is all. It seems some have taken it personally and I didn’t mean to come on here and offend anyone or act like I’m better etc. I genuinely just wanted a place to let out how I feel as I have been struggling you certainly don’t need to put me down when I’m already down.

I feel like you are getting a hard time. Yes it will be annoying for your neighbours. I would keep engagement to a minimum and just let people know if major disruption that will directly affect them, e.g. utilities being switched off, roads being blocked etc.

Otherwise it seems like you need to focus on telling your husband, no more of this behaviour.

Wishing you well OP X

Whole thread has been utterly pointless. 'Agree' with that all you like 🙄

Agreed. So over the top to swear at neighbours to be, no wonder they’re gossiping about them. Must be embarrassing for her parents.

If the neighbours have to live next to your building site, which will give zero benefits to them, you should have to live on it.

You expecting them to live in a caravan on site 😕

Seems fair. They're the ones who will get the benefit of all the disruption they are inflicting on the poor neighbours.

I didn’t intend to come here to argue or upset anyone. People have messaged me on here some seem confused but maybe I gave the wrong impression but I didn’t come here to argue or go back and fourth with others in an argumentative way.

If someone doesn’t like it or deems it pointless they’re free to not interact

I agree trust me I’m not too pleased about the situation but they have accepted Dhs apology and even said If we need anything to get in touch but that might just be a polite courtesy because they know my parents.

Well, that's one way of looking at it I guess. But neighbour relations can hugely impact quality of life one way or the other.

Thank you for informing me I am 'free' not to interact on a thread. Unsolicited advice duly noted. You have told half truths, ommitted key info and have emerged as a very passive aggressive character since the inception of this thread. So what started out as something worth interacting with has materialised into something pointless. You and your husband seem very well suited indeed.

So sorry OP but your H sounds pretty horrible plus he knows you’re upset and continues to lose it (and eff and Jeff) in front of you. So it’s not a one off. I bet your parents are horrified but pretending they’re not. I also bet your kids hear much of his tirades - well done Daddy.
I hope it all goes well and you and the neighbourhood are happy, however reading between the lines it doesn’t look good I’m afraid.
Of course your husband’s massive aggressive overreaction won’t help things.
The fact you’re not using local tradesman will go down like a lead balloon too but then I suppose if he’s aggressive, swearing and sacking people it’s probably best that they’re not local!

I don’t know why people get their knickers in a twist over building work. If you’re not attached the house, it’s no drama really. A new house was built opposite mine recently and apart from one annoying day, where the water board had traffic lights out to connect the water up, it was no hassle at all. Just crack on with your plans and if they want to be dicks about it then just feel sorry for them and their sad lives.

What we are building isn’t two dissimilar to what other houses around the area look like.

@WarmLimeLurker

Again, I'm coming from a US perspective.

The small town I grew up in had a plethora of 'styles'. I grew up in a mid-century tract home in a part of my town that was built up in the 1950s/60s. But about 2 miles south were loads of Spanish revival homes build in the '20s-'30s and about 1 mile east was a neighbourhood of mainly Craftsman homes built in the '00s - '10s. If someone had redesigned their Craftsman in that area to look like of the Spanish homes or someone had put overhanging eaves and a deep porch on their mid-century in my neighbourhood it would have looked out of place and odd.

So when you say your home isn't 'too dissimilar to other homes around the area', my question is how similar is it to houses actually on your new street? It may look like 6 homes 'around the area' but if one or more of those homes isn't on your actual street, then it's going to stand out.

Every so often a thread on MN blows up and today, OP, sadly, it's yours. I would step away now, there are supportive messages as well as critical ones. Try and take those on board when you digest everything that's come at you.

In the end you have to deal with the situation you find yourselves in. Your DH hasn't covered himself in glory but you need to be a team now. You have some insight into how some of your neighbours might be feeling, but also people who have been through the process had said that for them things worked out fine in the end. I wish you luck, and peace x

Why not? I know several people who have done that.
One husband promised his pregnant wife that they would be in the new house before their baby was born. He was a toddler when they actually moved in.
The house is absolutely gorgeous.

It makes more sense. They are actually on site and saving money by living in a caravan, rather than paying rent.

Another couple I knew had 2 school age children.

The third couple had teenagers. They did it in order to live in a certain catchment area. The only way they could afford to do it was by renovating a run down house.
None of them had any regrets.

You are doing nothing wrong so in that sense your neighbours should just let you get on with it but it all depends on what exactly you are building and what the existing area is like.

Personally I am annoyed when people buy a lovely Arts & Crafts style house with a fantastic garden and knock it down or extend it into an identikit McMansion surrounded by acres of block paving. All perfectly legal, still hated by the neighbours.

Its your plot, you will build your house but maybe try to understand why the neighbours hate it.