AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

We only added a dormer to ours that required planning as it needed to go up 1 roof tile height. The number of objections was ridiculous. Me and my husband went to multiple parish council meetings to help relax tensions and it was clear that one person clearly had a bee in her bonnet and was fueling others- but it didn't change the way they thought- moral of the story- do things the right way with planning applications,
ensure building works are not disruptive and stick to the plan, and just crack on -as for us engaging just fuelled something that wasnt going to change and only made it worse 🙈

Your husband sounds charming.
The sort who give londoners a bad name.
I don't think you grew up in this community at all. If you did, you would know how to behave.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Summer's coming up. Is it possible for you to take the kids and head down and spend a chunk of time there, either staying at your parents or maybe renting an air b&b? To give you a chance to be present, get to know people and maybe smooth things over? You're carrying a secret burden, I wonder if your husband is too? Are you openly discussing the finances? I wonder if now that it's getting close he's getting freaked out by how much it's adding up to?

It does cause more kerfuffle when you pull down an existing property and rebuild which can be the sensible cheapest thing to do than when you build on an empty plot. It's Human nature to be nostalgic I think even if the original house isn't fit for purpose materially today. There were crap builders and buildings after the second world war, materials being scarce. Men being scarce. But locals got used to seeing them and get antsy.

I admit to thinking that acres of glass, bi-folding walls will be regretted in the future. So much steel needed to hold them up.

With climate change I'm looking at small windows and thick walls with fondness. Outdoor shutters, deep porches, Especially this summer.

OP, you need to proactively engage with your neighbours. Give them an outline of the build program, tell them you will give them advance notice of any particularly noisy work, reassure them that you/husband will be regularly on site to check everything is as it should be, and give them a number to call if builders start taking the piss/working outside agreed hours/leaving waste everywhere. You can't just hope it will all be fine once you've moved in, you have to manage the situation now.

😂😂😂.

Have you watched Clarksons Farm.

This.

A charm offensive, forewarning of work programme and mitigating any inconvenience, noise and dust might help. Also be present as often as possible. How long is it likely to take?

@WarmLimeLurker

I'm going to set aside issues of 'personality' and construction noises and mess.

I'll start with the fact that I'm American so my PoV may be different and excuse my usage of sq feet instead of metres. I'm OK on metric weights, but with 'areas' I'm hopeless.

How well does the elevation and the visible sides/back of your house fit in with the street? The big problem where I am is that people buy a home on a street of a certain style of home (Ranch, Spanish, Craftsman, or even mid-century tract homes) that are basically your 'usual' 3 bed, 2 bath 'family home (ie 1500-2000 sq feet) and 1 or 2 stories, and end up 'improving' it into a 'McMansion' of 2-3 stories (3000 sq ft +) that is no where near the true architectural style of the surrounding homes and is 'too big' for the lot in relation to other homes, even though they think it 'matches'. Putting a red tile roof on a McMansion doesn't make it tie in with a street of smaller Spanish homes. As an architect you'd probably be more aware of styles and 'balance' of house and landscaping than most. Do you really feel that your house will fit with the neighbourhood in every way? Or is it going to stick out like a sore thumb as 'too big', 'not in the style', or otherwise clash with surrounding homes.

I realize it's too late to do anything even if you wanted to, which you don't. But you need to understand that your neighbours may have valid reasons for hating your home. And they may be permanently 'unforgiving' too.

Hey @WarmLimeLurker I think you've been given a hard time on here! And before anyone asks, yes I have saw the comments re OPs DH! (I can understand why it would be very stressful, although he does need to work on his communication skills) You have done everything by the book, everyone had the chance to object, and even the cases who did have some objections, the council still granted permission. So everything was all above board. YES , it'll be shit for your neighbours while the work is undertaken. But it won't be forever! Take the neighbours a bottle of wine, some chocolates and a card with some nice words, thanking them for their patience. Hopefully they'll come around. Good luck x

I recently found out I'm pregnant, and I haven't even told my husband yet
OMG!! He's stressing over this perfect dream house for you and the three DC and you haven't told him yet that, actually, you need an extra bedroom because it will be you and four DC.
Is this a wind up?

Not going to happen. You're not going to make any friends. You will be ostracised in the playground.

I don't think this thread is real.

If you really were from that village all the oldies would be welcoming you back home. They'd be pleased and interested in your project and willing to be helpful. That's what people in villages are like. At least around here they are. But I live on a different planet to most mumsnetters.

This sounds like a mash up between Grand Designs, one of those channel 5 'psycho-dramas' and Midsomer murders.

If you really were architects you would know about the work involved and the affect it would have on your neighbours. You would have taken steps to mitigate the hassle.

If you really did want to live there forever you would make an attempt to fit in. You both have a very arrogant attitude.

To go to church when you are a non believer is hypocritical. Don't worry, the locals will see straight through you. Your child may be enjoying Sunday school. He won't enjoy it when he starts school and the grannies tell their grandkids that they're not allowed to play with the kid with foul mouthed parents.

I bet you were hoping to invite all the less wealthy mums around to your monstrosity and show it off. It ain't gonna happen.

Which brings me to the Midsomer murders bit. If this was a TV drama, your husband would be struggling at work and his bad attitude would be as a result of money problems. We all know how these Grand Design projects end up. Look at the one in Cornwall.

Continually sacking people and telling respectable people to fuck off is wrong.

There's a slump in the property market at the moment. I bet architects are feeling the pinch at the moment. Not many people want an architect designed tree house.

This is the most important issue. I know the idea of suffering with PND again must be scary. Please talk to your GP and see what support they can offer (whatever that might be).

@WarmLimeLurker Well done on making a dream a reality, not all of us get that opportunity so enjoy it.

I have to be honest and say you are, and I don't mean this as an insult, a bit naïve.

You will be living away from the site when the house gets bulldozed and a new house build,, your peace will be protected in you distant flat unlike your new neighbours. That its going to be a very noisy, dirty and big distraction for those on the street of your new home. Some will not get to enjoy their gardens due to the noise/dirt, may have to keep windows closed and there will be parking issues during construction no doubt,

Also people get used to the way things look and interact together and you are turning up and changing it. When they bought their houses (just as an example) it may have been a street of mature, red brick buildings with a traditional vibe. You are now changing that vista. Its not necessarily a bad thing, but this is YOUR choice not theirs. And they do not have to like it.

Practically, all they can do if object during the planning stage but ultimately as its been approved, you are still changing the landscape of their street. And some people simply do not like change.

You will not please everyone and you can do nothing about that, You can be open, honest and considerate as far as possible, but you are not going to please everyone. Its human nature.

All you can do is crack on, and prepare for you new life and hope it all goes well. Anticipate complaints, it will happen, but just address it calmly and let it go over your head. For most things new being created, something old has to go and not everyone finds pleasure in that.

As architects, you should have leant this by now and I suspect the difference is that this is your project, your home and you are the one that will need to deal with the neighbours going forwards because you have not just financially bought into this but also emotionally and that makes a bit difference!

I wish you well, I don't envy you with young kids and a little one on the way, it sounds stressful but the end result will be very rewarding.

I could have written this post. My neighbour did object…with 18 points in their objection email.

It was granted. All done now and life goes on. Neighbours are fine with us.

People hate change and disruption. They’ll get over it.

So you bought a home to tear down and rebuild and on top of construction mess and noise, your husband's an asshole to the locals.

That's the way to peace and acceptance in your forever first home. 🙄

I mean, it wasn't really their business to suggest he scales back plans. Especially once he's had the go ahead.

One objection 😂. Our neighbours submitted 43 to the first design in our cul de sac. Two years later another set of plans amended almost daily there were still 39 objections. We didn't object knowing that the LDP for the county would win out in the end.

Love this. We had one of those letters once, regarding roadworks.

The road was closed overnight for repairs. The workers woke me up shouting to each other. I got out of bed, rang the site manager who just happened to be asleep in bed, and gave him an earful. His wife was delighted.

The following evening the workmen came to my door and apologised and gave me a lovely bouquet of flowers.

I doubt OPs husband would do that.

You’ve been through all the right channels and got your approval so you’re entitled to crack on with your plans. They are entitled to not like it, and be worried about the disruption/noise/ perceived change to the look of the area.
All you can really do now is make sure work is done in sociable hours, your contractors behave themselves (by not causing obstructions, making excessive mess/noise, parking irresponsibly, not picking up waste etc) and the project doesn’t grow arms and legs and end up lasting much longer than plans intended.
Not gonna lie, this would annoy me too and I can feel your neighbours pain because they won’t get to enjoy the ‘nice area’ for the next year because you decided to rip up an existing house rather than just build afresh somewhere less built up. But that’s by the by.

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Wishing you the best.

The replies on this thread are bonkers. I’m not British. You’re from the area, so is your husband, you’ve successful been given planning permission for a presumably lovely family home. You’ve changed the plans based on what the council said. Crack on. Ignore the gossip, avoid local facebooks.

Shop local, get your husband to buy pints in the local The Farmers Dog pub. Don’t be rude to anybody, be unfailingly polite… stop trying to placate everybody, in real life and on here. It’s stressful enough your life, 3 young kids, a career, planning officials, locals loudly voicing negativity. You can be CERTAIN if it were their own son or daughter there would not be a whisper of negativity.

Also, can’t believe the amount of posters think you have to build without causing any disruption. Ridiculous. Best of luck.

Nobody gives a shit you're from London OP 🙄

They care about the noise, dust, endless lorries etc.

No she doesnt. The plans have been approved, thats all that she needs to do. The neighbours can moan as much as they like, she doesnt owe them anything. Build your house and enjoy it. If the neighbours dont like it its tough

I would be absolutely mortified, embarrassed, ashamed and angry if I had a son in law like him

I personally would not insult my in laws friends and prospective neighbours like that.

Back to Grand Designs: there is often an unexpected baby thrown into the mix. It usually works out fine.

Although it sounds horrendous, could your maternity leave correspond with the building project? Would you be able to supervise things a bit more?
It may be a blessing in disguise.

I said you are unreasonable to expect neighbours to accept your plans... just because that is never how people react in this situation! Absolutely doesn't mean you shouldn't build your house - you have planning. Yes, be better if your DH wasnt rude, but I am sure people will get over it!