AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

Hah. I just saw our builder this morning and he was still complaining about how much time he spent with his team of 10 guys standing around with their thumbs up their arses waiting for one of our architects to respond to the thousands of RFIs.

I think you have every right to build your new house and it is great that you are combining your ideas. No one likes living next to a building site but it can't be helped.

Where I think you are being unreasonable is husband's rudeness AND bringing down trades from London. No one does their best work when treated badly and hiring local would help break down the idea of you as outsiders coming down from London. Husband needs to stop acting like an '80s a$$hole

Agree. Why are you surprised? You have the law on your side. But they don't have to like it.

If there's thousands of these either the architects are too vague or the builders are out of their depth.

Perfect summing up. 100% agree with you.

Is it really a smug phrase? I use it all the time in terms of planning my next, final, move 😳

It's a positive phrase to me. My forever home will be the home that ticks the boxes for me and plan to stay in until I die in terms of accommodation layout and location etc. If I were to need a care home at the end, that would be just that - a care home not my real home if that makes sense.

I'll watch people's eyes if I dare say 'forever home' again!!

I've watched a lot of the house renovation TV programs and it's usually correcting mistakes made by the architects, or that's how it's portrayed. Whether it's the drawings that were wrong or structural calculations wrong, or simply things that are simply impossible in reality to do. Time and time again, they show the builders being delayed awaiting revised plans.

Your DH sounds awful. Word will get around depending on size of village. Especially if your DH is firing loads of people. I know a builder who is in great demand and if he hears bad things they all talk amongst themselves. Are the trades coming from London everyday to work!
But you can do whatever is legal and your neighbours can complain about everything your builders do wrong.
I don’t think you care and really neither do I, but I would never talk to you.

The neighbours seem rude and entitled. To ask you to change after you have got planning is not reasonable. Your husband reacted sharply but they had no right to interrogate him.

Why are you so rude? I would never have the money to do anything like this but automatically calling it a monstrosity is just unpleasant.

My DS puts on his hard hat, hi viz, boots to go on site and swerves questions from passers-by 😂

I hate the way MN threads go like this sometimes. Very few PPs seem interested in actually helping OP - just baiting and bullying. There seem to be a lot of gleeful comments about how her DH can't handle things and her dreams of a lovely home are shattered and it's probably a monstrosity anyway and everyone's going to hate them for ever and anyway, they're going to split up any minute... and oh, by the way, why doesn't she post a photo and detailed plans with the address clearly visible, so we can all have a good old laugh.

It does sound as though your DH needs to learn a new style of management, OP, rather than throwing his weight around in his quest for perfection. But you sound very calm and level-headed, so I'm sure you'll be able to encourage him in this direction.

No, your usage is correct, and it's a perfectly non-smug thing to say. The PP obviously misunderstands what people mean by it.

The architects were extremely detail orientated and liked everything to be super official. But to be fair, it was a ridiculously complicated build with a lot of questions that couldn't be answered in advance - Grade II * with permission that only allowed discovery of certain aspects in real time, with much of the work during covid, so onsite meetings more difficult.

He apologised because they know his in-laws, direct pressure from them or the OP or just knowing take right thing to do doesn't matter which.

what matters is that it wasn't because he accepts he was a rude twat!

& he doesn't give a crap what the neighbours think & doesn't want to make any changes that would make it better for the neighbours unless the law makes him do it.

he just wants what he wants & fuck anyone else.

the op needs to see this behaviour for what it is & not naively think it'll all be fine once it's built. If he's stressed now... what's he going to be like half way through the build??

Sounds like your Architect is either crap ( ARB registered ? )
or he / she doesn’t have enough staff

or there wasn't enough of a lead in to get all the drawings done

or someone’s making changes along the way

There really shouldn’t be that many RFIs once it’s started on site
Sounds like a recipe for disaster and constant compromise 🤯

nevertheless each side always blames the other including blaming the client
its like Trump and Iran every day at work 🤣

From the other side of the coin.
My parents did this.
They bought in a village that was mostly a "community" from a woman who had lived there for 30 years and was part of the community before she died.
They then tore down the house that was there... rebuilt a nicer larger house.
Lots of 'god what a eyesore' and 'these youngsters ruining a perfectly good house' - they didnt use the local pub for years because of the stares they would get.
25 years later they are in their late 60s, those gossips have moved on or died and they have their dream home which they will likely have till the end of their lives.

My reply in answer to @justasking111

The architects were extremely detail orientated and liked everything to be super official. But to be fair, it was a ridiculously complicated build with a lot of questions that couldn't be answered in advance - Grade II * with permission that only allowed discovery of certain aspects in real time, with much of the work during covid, so onsite meetings more difficult.

Adding that we all came out happy in the end.

You mustn't have read the OP, she hasn't asked for help, she doesn't want help. she just wanted to rant about the neighbours.

I’m in a grade 2star atm
My home
Massive of work needed and you can’t pre empt the detailing in advance
Investigations first
Waiting for permissions from others etc
If they were waiting on site and scratching their arses blaming the Architects they haven’t got a clue about the process

As you say tbf
your project is a completely different affair to the standard

( 6 months down the line and I’m still waiting to see if I can paint an internal door but my builder hasnt set up home outside it 🤣🤣 )

You've got planning permission. You've done all the right things. You are building your dream house. We'll done. However it's not fair to expect everyone to like (or pretend to like) what you're doing. People are going to feel how they're going to feel. They can't just switch their feelings off once permission is granted. YABU for expecting them to be able to.

Yes I posted in advance
glad you are out of the woods !
we are still very much amongst the trees

It is what it is. Your neighbours are entitled to feel pissed off. They will be living in close proximity to a building site and all that entails. Presumably you won’t be living onsite so won’t be subjected to the same inconvenience. There’s not really much you can do and you have followed the appropriate channels. Just life I’m afraid.

Why cant you biy a house that is as big and characterful as you need it?

Oops posted twice