AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

For what it's worth, I agree.

When done well, the juxtaposition of new against old can look incredible.

I have seen bad, in fairness, but OP stated they spent a year prepping plans and going through permissions and seem like they're sticking to the letter so I very much doubt they have batshit plans.

As I said though, people can be really salty about this stuff!

Yeah, good luck with that.

Having read the updates I doubt this house will ever be completed. If (D)H continues to piss tradespeople off by telling them it’s his way or the highway and continues to be rude to the neighbours, it won’t be long before he’ll run out of options for both.

It also sounds as though OP doesn’t agree with most of what he’s saying and doing, so who knows where that will end.

Turns out it initially was a treehouse though.

None of the people we have hired are local. All from London or have connections with DH anyway from his previous clients

Is this thread actually a cry for help, albeit subconsciously, now that you’ve realised your husbands true colours?

Oh my god, it just gets worse!

😆

and I'd be thinking about this "forever" home where you want to raise your kids and consider how your husband's reputation will be locally by the end of this.

"Oh we've had a party invite to Tarquin's 8th birthday at the 'big" house - I wonder if his dad will still be spattering the air with expletives, and looking down his nose at all of us. How that poor woman (you!) tolerates him I'll never know, but maybe she's just as intolerable but not quite as vociferous?"

Welcome to the community.
maybe your parents will want to move out of embarrassment.
That could work in your favour, and you could move into theirs!

Is he not worried that by behaving badly towards such contractors, he'll struggle to find workers for future clients' jobs or that building firms will refuse to work with him on future client projects??

Not to mention using tradesmen from a different area will mean they're likely to be even less careful and considerate to the locals/neighbours as they know they're unlikely to need work from them in the future.

Using more local workers would have been a massive "win" for you to help local adhesion/integration and your neighbours would probably be happier as they're less likely to be quite as much of a nuisance if they're already known locally and are relying on future work locally.

Jakers my DS is an architect. He continues to charm the birds out of the trees. I'm sorry your DH 💩 on his own future door step. What a wally

I hope it works out

So he’s going to sack the people he has employed through his business connections if they piss him off and don’t do what he says? That will do wonders for his professional reputation.

OP can I ask, did you put in plans for the treehouse? Then that was rejected so you tried something else? If so I think the neighbours are understandably wary. Do you think your design suits the plot, or is it a mash-up of DH’s vision in your childhood village? Not saying that wouldn’t work (you’re not giving many clues except it’s now not a treehouse!)

I think the OP has much bigger problems than not getting approval for a tree house!

Truly unbelievable.

So not putting any money into the community they had hoped to join. Annoying his professional contacts and getting a reputation. He's going to destroy his career as well as his marriage at this rate.

I have thought about it and yes maybe my parents are embarrassed

As I'm sure you know, village life is very much say-it-behind-their-back-and-smile-to-their-face.

A bit jarring to come back to after the delicious anonymity of city life!

A couple of 6's for the village cricket team from DH, a lovely cake or two for the school fete and a few new friendships for the kids and you'll be fully integrated.

Let them think what they like about your house. You made the perfect plans for your family. Enjoy it and give it no mind.

In my experience, new goss comes around pretty quickly in rural areas. They'll soon move on from you and if the village knobheads give your house a rude name, you can always taunt them by changing it to that officially 😂

'Oh yes, we live at 'The Eyesore', top of the close, BIG sign on the gate. Do pop round for a vino sometime' 😁

The impression you get about how the DH is at work may be rose tinted. He may be unpleasant at a personal level but gets things done or does the tasks no one likes.

I get the class thing - DH has local friends through cricket and golf. Good for him. Only behaves like a shit with non local trades people. But also behaves like a shit with local residents that he doesn’t realise are friends of your parents. This must have been deeply embarrassing for your parents who would want their friends to believe that their daughters husband was a decent person. How do you explain that away?

Well to be fair an architect does recommend to clients for xyz contractors and subbies they know are reliable to provide a quote as well as local people. It can go horribly wrong if the client goes for the cheapest quote and the builder is just not good at math. So underquotes.

You’ve told MN that you’re a returning local but do your new neighbours know? Just wondering if that might smooth down some of the feeling of ‘Londoners moving in’?

Could it be worth popping a copy of the plans at the end of your drive/ path/ fence for people to view when walking past and maybe a short paragraph about:
a) the contractors doing the work and and any specific steps they’re taking with your build (not working before x or after y)
b) background about you and your family? (Nothing outing or too specific obviously; X grew up here and went to school at A. Y grew up in next town and still plays cricket for B. Having moved for work, we always wanted to call this town home……)

No the treehouse was never part of the official planning application. It was just something we discussed during the design stage. Before submitting our ideas we changed the plans and came up with a different design that we were both happy with, some of these ideas we have had for 10 or so years. There were quite a few aspects we had to alter.

A lot of it comes down to the local planning authority as well. What one council is happy to approve another might not be so some of the changes were simply because of the area and the planning policies.

I doubt they’ll be too interested after the DH told them all to f-off.

Oh dear OP
you really need to talk to them
Im sure you don’t what this to impact them negatively and they may have more insider knowledge
You need to reign this in

Yes as a pp has said, even though everything is legal and above board, it doesn't mean the other residents have to like it - or you (and your DH).

My parents experienced something similar (although not as big a project) when they were in their 80s living in the bungalow they had lived in for 50 years. The unfortunate thing was the refurb was being project managed by the new owners son-in-law who was obnoxious, especially considering he was dealing with two frail, elderly people.

The extension was very close to the bedroom window - my parents did object but it was overruled due to new relaxed building regulations. They had to grant access etc which they did - but they couldn't help expressing their concerns (they were old) and he was quite rude to them saying it was all perfectly legal and they would have to live with it. Then the builders broke a window with a wrecking ball (they did apologise for that and replaced it and bought some flowers).

But then he came round hectoring them about replacing the wall between the 2 properties which he had assumed was theirs - it wasn't. He assumed this because the previous owner had attached it to my parents' property (without permission, but they let it go). He was demanding all sorts again but eventually my DM told him that it wasn't her wall, that the neighbours were within their rights to demolish and replace it, but she would not be contributing and they did not have her permission to attach anything to her property. He had the gall to criticise her attitude! She parroted a bit of what he had said (she may have been coached at this point by my bro and me lol) and said what she was saying was perfectly legal, he just didn't like it - so now he knew how she felt!

Gosh sorry it was so long - what I was getting to was that in the end, it wasn't the refurb or the closeness of the extension that rankled the longest with them, but rather the attitude of this man and his rudeness, which they occasionally remembered and talked about until they died. Fortunately he wasn't going to actually live there, so the neighbours weren't too bad (although I got a bit disgruntled with them whilst dealing with things after my parents died). Please try and get your DH to build bridges if he can.