AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

Oh wow massive drip I was on your side but seriously your husband needs a reality check. I work with contractors and they will happily walk off site if you talk to them like shit off your shoe. In earlier posts you mentioned your husband will be going to the house regularly…I must admit I would want to go with him, because people are going to chat to him and tell him issues they maybe having with the builders and by the sounds of it he will just be telling them to fuck off he doesn’t care. Rather than mediating between neighbours and the builders it sounds like he could make the situation a lot worse

@Flecksofgolden

Mostly, it's just people being inconsiderate and disrespectful that causes a majority of these issues.

A huge yes to that, especially the unnecessary mess, disruption, and inconvenience caused by a minority of arrogant uncaring builders etc. No one doubts that building projects have to be noisy and disruptive at times, but builders etc often don't help themselves by making matters worse when they could try a little harder to be less of a nuisance etc wherever possible. Little things like parking 10 feet further down so they're not blocking a neighbour's drive, or like you say, using a portaloo rather than pissing on a neighbours wall/fence, or not playing music and swearing stupidly loud all day, picking up their litter, etc. Most of it isn't rocket science, it's just plain common courtesy.

It was never going to happen

Or don't get us interior designers started with the architects who think they can do as good a job as us on the interiors of clients homes. 😂

You're not doing anything wrong OP. If it's your forever home then think long term: in a few years some people will have moved out, others will have moved in, it's not like the exact same people are going to be there forever bearing a grudge. And memories fade. Just enjoy your lovely house and forget about the moaners.

And while we're at it, I don't think your husband really did anything so wrong re: the local couple. If I came upon a house renovation and interrupted the owners and workers while they were in discussion to tell them "oh, you shouldn't do X, you should do Y"... I'd pretty much expect to get told to fuck off. Rightly.

So you made someone else say no to your husband even though you already knew it wouldn't be possible? Why?

Look... obviously you're going to do this as apparently your husband is in charge and he's decided. But there are a 'lot' of red flags. This reads a lot like the start of a TV show about 'builds that went wrong'. He's alienating everyone - builders will talk to each other and if he keeps mouthing off he's going to run out of options. You're going to get partway through and he's going to make the wrong person angry and you'll stall on something super petty. So many options on the horizon.

I don't think this is really about your neighbours or your house plans.

Your problem is that your DH has pitched up in your lovely home town - where you feel a real sense of belonging for you and your children - and he's alienated you all before you've even moved in by acting like a dictatorial wanker.

Now you are tarnished by association unfortunately.

Hopefully your new house will be as lovely as imagined and then you'll never have to leave it because of the sheer embarrassment.

I think you need to re-evaluate your marriage before going ahead with this build.
You really want to spend the rest of your life with this nasty, vile person who clearly believes everyone is beneath him?!?

Why was it in planning then?

I have some sympathy, especially if when plans were submitted, people did not object and are now complaining.

However, that does not excuse your DHs language.

He sounds like a horrible horrible person. I wouldn’t be buying a forever house (or indeed any house) with anyone who was so arrogant, selfish and dismissive.

I think it also reveals his lack of care for you and your dc. A good husband and father would want to make like easier for his family and not fall out with neighbours. Is he not embarrassed that you have to live amongst these people soon? That he is sabotaging your relationships with neighbours before they have even begun?

I think that the combination of all the building work (which is really horrible to have to live near), and your husband's awful attitude and behaviour, mean that you are going to have a hard time making friends.

There's never any need nor justification for using obscene swearing!

If someone told me to Fuck Off, that's the end of any remote possibility of future friendship/harmony with them. There's no way I'd ever do them any favours or be friendly in any way with them. I'd not exactly go out of my way to be nasty nor harmful to them, but any future goodwill has definitely gone down the pan.

Reading all of your updates, you don't need to worry about your neighbours not liking you because of the design/size/build etc...... they'll all dislike you anyway because your husband sounds like a class A self righteous dickhead.

Plus, despite your numerous protestations that you're just a usual local couple engaging with the community, you'll be "that" couple - that turned up flashing the cash, building their pile and sending Tabitha and Tarquin to the best prep as everything else (property, trades, schools, neighbours) were beneath them.

He knew it was always a long shot. We'd talked about it beforehand and both knew it probably wasn't going to happen, but we both thought it was worth a try anyway.

You're right though and I'm struggling with this side of him as well. I've been with him for 16 years and I've honestly never seen him behave like this before. I do not work with him so I do not know how he is at work but he's been at the same place, promoted all way through for 11 years and is very liked. This isn't a usual side to him, I thin because its our house he wants it to be 'perfect' and forgetting that we cannot do it on our own.

What's the time scale here, how long do you and your neighbours have to put up with his twattishness, are you talking 6mths or 2 years? Do you think he's having some kind of mh episode what with his excess anger, maybe burnt out from previous stressful treehouse designing?

I just can't see how it's going to work out. We don't have to get on with all our neighbours but to move in somewhere when there is so much bad feeling all around you will impact on you for a long time.

OP how do your parents feel? I’m sure they were initially happy about you returning home with the grandchildren and slotting into village life. But your dh essentially told their friends to fuck off? Are they worried about you?

Literally beneath him in the treehouse!

I actually feel now that this is the point of the thread 😔

Oh but I can ☺️😉

Good point.

A few of our friends already live in the village, and others are in the surrounding area. DH has a good group of friends here through cricket and golf as well.

It would be lovely to make some new friends locally especially other mums, but I'm not pinning my hopes on that. What's done is done. All we can do is be respectful neighbours, keep ourselves to ourselves, and get on with our lives once we move in.

Legally no you aren't doing anything wrong, but people also don't have at accept or like it.

You aren't the ones who will be loving next to it. Your posts give the impression this is going to be a big build (demolition/ rebuild) that will go on for some time you won't experience any of the discomfort of that but your neighbours will.

Imagine your neighbour is knocking down walls digging etc... creating huge amounts of diet and dust and then we have a heat wave but you can't open your windows or sit on the garden because of the neighbours build.
Can't hang washing out to dry your children.mighr not be able to play on the garden etc.. etc..
How would you feel of once you move in next door sells up and the new owners decided to do what you are and completely rebuild thus changing the feel.of your home would you be happy?
Now couple that with the current attitude your H is showing namely "It's my home it's legal I can do what I like" it will put people's backs up.
It probably won't last forever but you are naive if you think people should accept it without complaint or comment.

The way the trades are like gold dust now, Tabitha and Tarquin’s friends may well be children of their builders, electricians, carpenters etc at the prep school. Oh not forgetting the specialist treehouse engineers.