AIBU to expect neighbours to accept our approved house rebuild plans?

[WarmLimeLurker]

DH and I recently bought what we hope will be our forever home. We were only able to do so because of inheritance DH inherited from his late father, and I'd inherited from my grandfather years ago. I'd kept my inheritance invested for around 12 years, and together we were able to buy the property outright.

The house itself wasn't why we bought it. We bought it because we absolutely loved the location, knowing from day one that we'd be replacing the existing house with a home that would suit our family for the long term. We have three young children (6, 3 and 15 months), so we're still living in our London flat while the project gets underway.

We spent over a year working through the planning process. The plans were amended, neighbours had the opportunity to comment, objections were considered, and the council ultimately granted planning permission.
Now we're preparing to start, a handful of neighbours have become quite vocal. We've been told we're ruining the street, that the house is too large, and that we should rethink the project altogether.

I completely appreciate that living next to a building site isn't ideal, and we'll do everything we reasonably can to minimise disruption. What I'm struggling with is the feeling that, even though we've followed every rule and obtained permission, some people seem to think we shouldn't build at all.
Part of me also wonders whether some of the resentment is because we're currently based in London. There have been a few comments along the lines of "London people coming here and changing everything."

The irony is that this area is home for me. I grew up here, went to school here, my parents still live here, my grandparents are here, and this is exactly where I always hoped we'd eventually settle to raise our own children. We're not buying it as an investment or a developer's project we genuinely intend to live there for many years.

DH says we should stop worrying about what people think and just focus on our family. I can't help feeling uneasy that we're starting off on the wrong foot with the neighbours, but equally I don't think we should feel guilty for building a home that's been properly approved.

AIBU to think that once planning permission has been been granted, people should accept the decision and let us get on with building our forever home?

Yes, yes it was! Now they can never leave.

This family is not going to be the most popular in the village eh? The stories will veer from 'OP's plans are crap' to 'OP's husband fired my nephew for no reason' to 'OP's children are too good to socialise with mine' to 'OP's family is too good to live in a normal house, they need some architecturally designed nightmare of glass and corners that takes 10-1000 years to get up a la grand design' to 'Oh, OP and her husband are getting divorced and selling this monstrosity'

But don't forget - OP's mum lives IN THE VILLAGE so therefore all is well lol

Honestly, crack on. If your plans were ridiculous, they could have lodged objections

all immediately affected neighbours are notified

9 times out of 10, people mouthing off aren’t even from the area, they’re professional mitherers.

so in short “Let them …” live your life and build your house. In a few years they’ll have got over it.

Neighbours don’t have to be happy and they can grumble all they want. People do not like change and this for a street is a big change. From the sounds of it you haven’t lived in the house at all so from your neighbours perspective you would also seem like you haven’t tried to integrate, you just some random strangers to them whose turning up and knocking a house down. Your neighbours can object all they want now it’s been approved but they don’t have to be happy for you either

I think you'll find there will always be neighbour opposition when an old house is knocked down and a new, larger one constructed in its place. People are always wary of change. It's unfortunate though that your husband was so rude to the couple who suggested it be scaled back, and he needs to be a bit more understanding and make more of an effort with the neighbours. I agree that once it's built, people will most likely be more accepting, but if your husband continues to demonstrate arrogance and entitlement rather than a bit of humility, you may end up with a dream house, but ostracised from the local community.

@WarmLimeLurker can you just give us an idea of what features / things you had to 'scale back'?

A moat? an olympic sized pool? a mini petting zoo for the kids?

Is it quite a pretty street/Rd of fairly uniform houses?

And are you replacing an eg traditional semi with a big, modern, glass box?

We have a couple of those in our village and, stand alone, they are lovely houses but everyone disapproves and they are known as the 'ugly' houses purely because they've 'disturbed' the aesthetic of the street.

They do stand out like a sore thumb, in fairness.

People can get awfully salty about this stuff, OP.

They've likely just seen it happen to other areas and don't want it for theirs.

Does he have experience of running a project on site as a Project Architect and coordinating everything. I ask because he’s still young, ie approx 10years out of Uni

Its all rather unusual to be like this.
Surely if he has relevant experience he would know who he is employing and be able to manage that ensuring with correct coordination, programme planning and detailing he has everything covered to avoid all pitfalls.

Im wondering if he’s in over his head….it does sound like it

Well, the plans for the house have been approved, so it doesn't really matter whether or not the neighbours like it or who's the most reasonable here. You don't have to be good friends with the ones who object. I'd have a calm, factual response ready if anyone brings it up in a way that requires a reply and just stick to that. The plans have been approved. You've redesigned the house to address concerns and it was approved. You'll be doing everything within your power to make the building process run smoothly.

You can't control how the neighbours feel, and at some point you have to just decide not to care, as there's nothing you can do to change it.

Sometimes it's the builders onsite that cause the biggest issues. The ones our neighbours had decided to pee up the side of our house and then after they were told not to, one of them peed against the skip! A portaloo would've solved that.
If you let the neighbours know what to expect ie approx start and finish times and when deliveries will get arriving etc plus when there might be lots of dust (our car was covered in fine brick dust) plus when scaffolding is going up and if it will cause any restrictions (they just constructed it without any notice and it restricted joint access) then you'll go a long way to easing any tension.
Mostly, it's just people being inconsiderate and disrespectful that causes a majority of these issues. Unfortunately we live next to entitled neighbours who don't give a shit about anyone but themselves.

None of this should come as any surprise to you. People don’t like change. Your husband’s behaviour wasn’t exactly endearing towards the neighbour, and tbh, I was on your side until you mentioned that you were both architects. I suspect your plans are pretty outlandish, though I doubt you’d admit that 😳

I'd be worrried about your life during this build OP.

This part - the design, the planning etc is the fun bit. The most stressful and marriage testing part has yet to begin. Even getting good builders can be stressful: the best builders can be really picky about what they take on and generally have a long wait time. But if your husband is sacking people already and pissing off local contractors, word WILL get round and you'll have fewer options. It will also not help with neighbourly relations as these sacked builders will more than likely be friends with locals or be locals too.

If you have people commenting about "scaling things back" on social media and on dog walks to your husband's face, it sounds like your planned dream home is very large and controversial. It does remind me of the house I mentioned earlier that somehow got planning despite being at least three times the size of the original house's footprint and with an added floor. It is so enormous that people genuinely cannot walk past without commenting. And this is in a road with large 4/5/6 bedroom detached homes. The sheer scale of it, lack of greenery and the very dark, unusual design make it stand out and not in a good way.

They have as much right to be annoyed and unhappy that you are turning up to undertake a huge project on their doorstep as you have to undertake it.
Yes, you are likely to be starting on the wrong foot with them but you can’t make people be ok with your plans.
If you’re going ahead with it then just get on with it … I don’t think there’s much you can do to make the neighbours be happy about it.

I love infill sites where architects have been very clever with a site, I’m fascinated with why an architect would “disturb” a street scene unless everything was mediocre and crying out for a shake-up. This feels a bit like a vision BEFORE buying the plot and now the architect - because it’s personal - is trying to shoehorn everything into a plot that may not be the most suitable.

You say he'll calm down and forget after the house is finished but your neighbours won't I'm afraid, they'll remember the noise, disruption and how bloody rude and arrogant your Dh was throughout. If you can't reign him in Op you'll be famous locally for all the wrong reasons

DH has a relative that’s an architect and one of the houses he designed won a prestigious award, I think it’s ugly as fuck.

Agree
But OP hasn't posted the street scene before and after
so we don’t know

but don’t worry OP I’m going to stop banging on about that now

He's going to carry on being a prick for a yr or two then. After that he'll be calm? Until something else pisses him off.

How can you bear to open your legs for someone who tells an elderly couple to fuck off? The village won't forget that you know. Your cards are marked.

It was essentially a treehouse, although there was a bit more to it than that.
About two years ago, he designed a treehouse for a client and his family of 6 who basically gave him free rein.

It wasn't even the client's idea originally, it was all his, and this was about 2 or so years ago but the client and his family were American. I think that gave him the confidence to assume ours would be approved as well.

You need a thicker skin. Once you get in and people realise you are a nice normal family it will all die down. I would however keep reiterating that you are from the area. I would tell one neighbour…

It makes me laugh when people refer to us as ‘these bloody Londoners, I went to St Mary’s primary school, then XYZ secondary school, I grew up here, Mum and Dad live on Church Rd, my Grandparents live on Marigold Crescent.’

I guarantee they will change their tune when they know this. One neighbour will tell another, they’ll tell their next door neighbour blah blah blah.

If you’re both architects i imagine the house will look fabulous and they will all be literally gagging to come and have a nose. When you’re in send them all an invite to drinks as a thank you for being so patient with the building work. It will all be fine.

Edited: Just read the post where your DH is telling neighbours to fuck off. Mmmmm maybe it won’t be fine after all. He doesn’t sound like an articulate, reasonable person. We’re going through something similar and we’re bending over backwards to keep the neighbours happy. You need to tell him to stop swearing at people. What a moron.

I do not want him to carry on

I am no pleased with how he is acting I am upset.

So you run it on site
You're an Architect too

He hasn’t got the ability to rein in his behaviour and be a professional

Wow … he sounds like quite the arsehole!

Op, you are perfectly entitled to build but you can’t expect anyone at all to love it. Who wants building works next to them, especially in the summer. You could try by being considerate and trying to confine your mess and noise to your property but if you are not there your builders will probably not care. Last summer we had to put up with noise and dust plus a smelly toilet from a few doors down. Their builders illegally worked on a Sunday because they were behind schedule. Yes I reported them and they were sent a letter but unfortunately no one is in the council offices when it happened to stop it. I just hope you don’t need access to any of your neighbours land as I very much doubt they will give permission. Don’t bank on this just blowing over when your home is finished. Getting on with your neighbours can be an important factor in how comfy you feel in your own home. I do think you have an element of wanting to show how much better you have done.

A treehouse that would have had a lovely vantage point into your soon to be neighbours’ homes?